Suicidal thoughts are developing. Trigger warning.

P

Pffft

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Joined
Apr 23, 2012
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1,039
#1
I don't want anyone reading this to contact the emergency services or whatever as I am not going to act on my thoughts but I just need a safe space to vent.

Over the past month? (I think it's been a month) my thoughts have gone from not wanting to be here to going into what I might do. I've looked into costs of a funeral and I have a few things to do to get my motorbike and car in as good as condition as possible so it's easier to sell. I feel I have decided to not sell either of them as it will be a giveaway if I am to go through with it. I have jobs I want to do at home so I want to get them sorted before I consider doing anything.

I know this may sound full on but I need a place to vent and I am safe so please don't try and contact emergency services etc.

Thanks for reading
 
Urban Hermit

Urban Hermit

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Jan 18, 2019
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2,385
#2
Please try to get some help if the feelings are not going away ......x
 
P

Pffft

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#3
I just feel like it's a symptom of bpd and tbh I have read so much stuff online basically saying people with bpd have suicidal ideation. I also read that they avoid sectioning you because of the bpd diagnosis. I also don't want to waste their time or cause a fuss.
X
 
D

dewey

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Jan 16, 2019
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595
#4
I just feel like it's a symptom of bpd and tbh I have read so much stuff online basically saying people with bpd have suicidal ideation. I also read that they avoid sectioning you because of the bpd diagnosis. I also don't want to waste their time or cause a fuss.
X
How could you actually want to do that to yourself though? Your brain is telling you that it's what you want. But it doesn't mean that's actually what you want. Your brain tells you things which you need to observe but not listen to. Don't let it hijack you.

You've been in pain for a long time, and you want an end to your pain, right. But what if there was a way out of your pain that wasn't ending you? What if it was just making a drastic change in your life, I don't know travelling some place new, not a fancy expensive holiday, but just a change of scenery to a new place that you didn't know, and you could start afresh? See a different perspective? You don't have to live a life you don't want. It's within your power to change things and start to see beauty in the world again.

The solutions you need to find are the ones that will save you, not the ones that will destroy you. No living thing should aim to destroy itself. Your strongest instinct is for survival but right now your brain is in that weird hijack mode that so many people get themselves in to. Do you think you're the first person who's felt excruciating pain and wanted an end? Well you're not. People look back and think, damn, I was feeling so so so low then and in so much pain, but now I can see suicide wasn't the answer. What a terrible thing not to give yourself the chance for things to get better. Not even the benefit of the doubt? Give. yourself. a. chance.
 
Urban Hermit

Urban Hermit

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Jan 18, 2019
Messages
2,385
#5
As someone who has had three suicide attempts, I agree try not to get to that point I'm glad to still be here X this forum among other things has helped me to be more open about my problems X
 
LivinWithAnxiety

LivinWithAnxiety

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Feb 25, 2019
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Location
New York, New York
#6
Hello, I'm fairly new to this forum and new to (diagnosed) mental illness, so I don't have much to say, but I agree with the others that giving yourself a chance to make changes and try to get better makes sense. I don't want to try to compare my pain to yours, but I know what it's like to be in 'serious' pain (whatever that means objectively), and there are times when I feel no interest in living life, but I give myself a chance to get out of the rut and so far it has always worked. :)
 
T

TheBlueLass

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Joined
Mar 9, 2019
Messages
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Location
UK
#7
I can very much relate to all you are saying. I will say though please try and get help. I know this can be difficult with a BPD diagnosis but please try.