• Welcome! It’s great to see you.

    If you'd like to talk with people who know what it's like

    Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life.

Suicidal ideation or intent *Trigger Warning*

K

KittyCat92

Well-known member
Joined
May 8, 2021
Messages
81
Location
United Kingdom
Where is the line between the two?

When does it change from thoughts to intent?

I’ve been having suicidal thoughts for a long time, I’ve thought of how, I’ve thought of where, I’ve thought of everything really.

At any point I could just go off and do exactly as I’m thinking, exactly how I ‘planned’, so far I haven’t (obviously 🙄🤦🏻‍♀️)

So really where does it change from thoughts to intent?

What is the difference between thinking it and planning it? If I’ve thought about all of it, isn’t that the plan?

It might sound like I’m (ironically) thinking too much into this but my mind is like ‘if you were really suicidal you’d have done it by now’ kinda thing. So I feel like I’m doubting my own intentions if you will.

I don’t know even know if I’m making any damn sense.
 
Wishbone

Wishbone

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 20, 2019
Messages
1,313
Location
England
I don't know where it changes other than in the moment, usually when something happens to tip you over the edge, or if it's alcohol-assisted especially, that you say enough is enough.

I've been there, it's not a nice place to be, but don't give up just yet, you don't know what good things you could miss out on.
 
00Bluejay7500 (was Scapes1986)

00Bluejay7500 (was Scapes1986)

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 10, 2020
Messages
5,275
Location
planet earth
I think it’s when you start acting out the motions is where intent comes in

I’ve acted out several times in the past.Ugh like start walking towards some place to wait and die.

but it was never a good idea so I never fully acted it out
 
Zackthemaniac

Zackthemaniac

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 16, 2019
Messages
1,582
Location
North Carolina
Its a very important difference in the psychology world. Having the occasional intrusive thought of self harm or suicidal ideation is very common. Where it generally becomes a psychological concern (and the basis for an inpatient admission) is when you display the actions or plan to carry out the thoughts as opposed to being able to dismiss the thoughts.

So its important to notice the difference in your behavior. If you start to take the time to plan suicide and take steps to carry it out. You need to seek help for your mental health

If you have occasional thoughts but are able to dismiss and cope with them then its not as concerning and considered more "normal". But of course if anyone at any level is concerned about your mental health. Please contact a mental health provider or crisis line.
 
NWiddi

NWiddi

Well-known member
Forum Safety Team
Joined
May 6, 2017
Messages
7,390
Location
Sheffield
Sometimes simply having an 'exit' strategy can be a little comforting if you get my meaning.

I've planned it all out in my mind in my youth, the various ways but I also thought of the damage it would do to the people who care about me and the financial cost of a funeral etc. My family aren't rich so my demise would put them into debt.

But it takes a tremendous amount of despair and determination to actually go through with it because when it comes to the crunch it's not really that easy to end your life due to the human survival instinct being so strong. I've read no end of stories here of unsuccessful attempts, aborted attempts because they got scared and a huge amount of ideation.

But just in case I'll post you our information. Even if you think you're not quite at the precipice just yet sometimes giving these people a call can be beneficial. I have a friend that's been depressed in the past and he gave the Samaritans a call and he told me he had the best nights sleep he's had in ages because of what they said to him. His story is now featured on their website.


It may help to have a look at these two pages on the forum: Suicidal Crisis and Mental Health Forum - Getting Help about what to do if you're feeling suicidal, or if you need emergency help. I hope you can use the forum for support during this difficult time.

If you’re thinking about suicide and are in immediate danger, please call your local emergency number (i.e. in the UK call 999, in the USA or Canada call 911, in Australia call 000 and in New Zealand call 111) or call the international emergency number of 112.

If you have been affected by the contents of this thread and would like to speak to someone about your feelings you can call one of the following helplines:

In the UK and Ireland, the Samaritans can be contacted on 116 123.
In the US, the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is 1-800-273-8255.
In Canada, the Suicide Prevention Service on 1.833.456.4566.
In Australia, the crisis support service Lifeline is on 13 11 14.
In New Zealand, the Need to Talk service is on 1737 or 080017371737.
Other international helplines can be found at www.befrienders.org.
 
Wishbone

Wishbone

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 20, 2019
Messages
1,313
Location
England
Yeah, when you actually stop and think about the realities of it, it can have a jarring effect in stopping you. For example, I was here in this state about six years ago and I had left my home intending to take my life. When I got to where I intended to do it I kept thinking about all the little details that had up until then escaped my mind (and I'd been there before too, but this time something different happened). I thought of the expenses as you say; the possible shame for family having to have people gossiping about it; the hurt it'd cause; the anger and frustration it'd cause; who would sort my house out and what would they find in my house when they did so, was there anything embarassing I'd be leaving behind that I hadn't thought of; who would find me and what would it do to them; if anyone else was involved what would it do to them...so many questions all seemed to come on like a tidal wave that ultimately made me doubt myself for long enough to stop myself. I went home and went to bed instead.
 
Karmaman

Karmaman

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 15, 2021
Messages
729
Location
North West
It's I've seriously considered...came close to it a few years ago and recently I feel there's not much more I can take. I don't fear death. I just haven't got the strength - does that make sense?
 
B

Blues47

Active member
Joined
May 3, 2021
Messages
26
Location
USA
When I was around 19 I did something that permanently ruined my life and maybe a year later I made a real suicide attempt. I'll spare you the details but I gave no hint to anyone in advance because I wanted no interference. I did not expect to survive and 32 years later I still believe it was the right decision. In fact one of the few comforts in my life is that I at least made an honest effort to end it. I have more to say on this subject but this post may already be too dark for the forum so I'll shut up now.
 
Wishbone

Wishbone

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 20, 2019
Messages
1,313
Location
England
I think we all understand that living with mental illness is really tough and that there are going to be times when you think of checking out early but I always think about the what-if's and what I would have missed. I made a post a while back about how if I'd succeeded after my first and second attempts (which were all the way genuine attempts) I would never have got to know a family member who came along shortly afterwards. That would have been a big loss. I would never have got to know my last dog, who was just magical in every way. I would never have met certain girlfriends and had those experiences of love. There is much to come so we should try and remind ourselves of that.
 
K

KittyCat92

Well-known member
Joined
May 8, 2021
Messages
81
Location
United Kingdom
Yeah, when you actually stop and think about the realities of it, it can have a jarring effect in stopping you. For example, I was here in this state about six years ago and I had left my home intending to take my life. When I got to where I intended to do it I kept thinking about all the little details that had up until then escaped my mind (and I'd been there before too, but this time something different happened). I thought of the expenses as you say; the possible shame for family having to have people gossiping about it; the hurt it'd cause; the anger and frustration it'd cause; who would sort my house out and what would they find in my house when they did so, was there anything embarassing I'd be leaving behind that I hadn't thought of; who would find me and what would it do to them; if anyone else was involved what would it do to them...so many questions all seemed to come on like a tidal wave that ultimately made me doubt myself for long enough to stop myself. I went home and went to bed instead.
I understand what you’re saying, I really do, I feel the same with not wanting to hurt people who love and care about me. But there’s always that counteracting thought of should I really not act on those thoughts because of how other people will feel? You know what about how I feel? How about if I cannot deal with the pain anymore? Should a guilt trip save you?

It’s so hard to comprehend sometimes that we’re not born to live forever anyway so why do we feel so guilty for not wanting to live?
 
Karmaman

Karmaman

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 15, 2021
Messages
729
Location
North West
I've reached points where the pain is too much that it outweighs the thoughts about what it will do to others.
 
Wishbone

Wishbone

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 20, 2019
Messages
1,313
Location
England
Well, that's the battle isn't it @KittyCat92 In that moment you see it as justified, on another day you'd say, even to yourself, that no, you can't do that to people. Either way I think it's an individual choice and a very personal choice and is totally up to the one going through it. And all questions and thoughts are theirs to ponder and weigh up. I've done that for the last 21 years now myself, on and off. The question always comes back to me, I know that will probably never change but who knows, maybe one day it will stop coming back to me. Hope and 'what if' can keep you going.
 
K

KittyCat92

Well-known member
Joined
May 8, 2021
Messages
81
Location
United Kingdom
Well, that's the battle isn't it @KittyCat92 In that moment you see it as justified, on another day you'd say, even to yourself, that no, you can't do that to people. Either way I think it's an individual choice and a very personal choice and is totally up to the one going through it. And all questions and thoughts are theirs to ponder and weigh up. I've done that for the last 21 years now myself, on and off. The question always comes back to me, I know that will probably never change but who knows, maybe one day it will stop coming back to me. Hope and 'what if' can keep you going.
Hope and what if can keep you going until maybe it turns into what if there is no hope.

For the past 5/6 years I’ve had this thought in my head of when I’m looking to the future that I wouldn’t be here when I’m 30, that’s just under a year away now. I don’t know why 30 but it’s always been the thought that keeps coming up. I’m still here, still living, still breathing, I guess still finding glimmers of hope.

The pain doesn’t stop, everyday hurts like hell but somehow I’ve managed to keep going. Always with a smile on my face, I’ve got good at that, ‘looking’ like there’s nothing wrong because half the time people don’t really want to know and the other half you just don’t want to be a burden.
 
TooMuchPain

TooMuchPain

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 6, 2019
Messages
682
Location
\_(ツ)_/
I've reached points where the pain is too much that it outweighs the thoughts about what it will do to others.
I have the same issue. It scares me and I start justifying my death to myself. I still have another 20-30 years ahead of me. I don't want to live them like this. more often than not I have spent my life knowing that it will end at my own hand. I don't know when, but I do know how.
 
A

Alexander Ypsilantis

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 3, 2020
Messages
1,341
Location
USA
Where is the line between the two?

When does it change from thoughts to intent?

I’ve been having suicidal thoughts for a long time, I’ve thought of how, I’ve thought of where, I’ve thought of everything really.

At any point I could just go off and do exactly as I’m thinking, exactly how I ‘planned’, so far I haven’t (obviously 🙄🤦🏻‍♀️)

So really where does it change from thoughts to intent?

What is the difference between thinking it and planning it? If I’ve thought about all of it, isn’t that the plan?

It might sound like I’m (ironically) thinking too much into this but my mind is like ‘if you were really suicidal you’d have done it by now’ kinda thing. So I feel like I’m doubting my own intentions if you will.

I don’t know even know if I’m making any damn sense.
You really need to talk to a trained therapist about this. When we're descending into depression, our thought processes become confused and jumbled-it's difficult to determine when thoughts about suicide transition from simply thinking that non-existence would be preferable to our miserable state and actually moving in that direction. You need a rational, trained person to make that assessment, because we are not rational when we're deeply depressed.

I had a Psychiatrist admit me to hospital during a medication review-she asked me pointedly what my thoughts of suicide were and I responded '50/50'. With that response she told me 'You are going to be admitted to Hospital for observation and I don't require your permission to do it.'. And she was ABSOLUTELY CORRECT, in my depressive state I had ceased thinking rationally and was subject to emotional forces far beyond my control.

Please consult a trained professional and let them make that assessment. It saved my life, I very easily could have taken my own life 5 years ago when this all transpired-and I thank my lucky stars today that someone stepped into my life and made decisions for me when doing that for myself was far beyond me. We need people in our lives like that, because sooner or later we all have emotional crisis that are beyond our control. Trust me.
 
Similar threads
Thread starter Title Forum Replies Date
M Suicidal ideation. Depression Forum 11
justasimplecat I don’t belong anywhere... TW: mentions bullying, rape, suicidal feelings. Depression Forum 7
N I am suicidal Depression Forum 46
J Insecurity and jealous causing suicidal tendencies. Depression Forum 4
D Struggling with suicidal thoughts Depression Forum 5
DistantOcean Coping with suicidal thoughts and feelings Depression Forum 3
I Supporting a suicidal partner Depression Forum 4
NatashaFaye Suicidal Depression Forum 5
L Why? Suicidal. Depression Forum 17
H I'm too suicidal Depression Forum 20
A Anhedonia and suicidal thoughts. Depression Forum 4
B Suicidal Depression Forum 17
D Depressed, hopeless, suicidal. Depression Forum 7
floater Suicidal Depression Forum 8
MeAndMyDepression How often do you have PASSIVE suicidal thoughts? Depression Forum 76
apple2003 tw: suicidal, feeling like a burden, out of control Depression Forum 9
CKM1234 Feeling very suicidal today Depression Forum 15
G Suicidal from lack of sleep Depression Forum 50
A Suicidal thoughts and panic Depression Forum 50
J Struggling with suicidal thoughts Depression Forum 8
A Feel like being encouraged to be suicidal Depression Forum 322
Q Tips on how to manage suicidal thoughts Depression Forum 14
D I'm not sure if I'm suicidal or if I'm just being self destructive Depression Forum 4
goingpiano I feel so lonely (tw suicidal thoughts) Depression Forum 5
D Depressed/break up / suicidal Depression Forum 10
A Suicidal thoughts Depression Forum 7
K Would rather be dead than alive (not suicidal) Depression Forum 4
T My Suicidal Thoughts Depression Forum 2
B Suicidal again.... Depression Forum 13
T Feeling really suicidal Depression Forum 9
A I get these suicidal thoughts all the time Depression Forum 19
X I have suicidal thoughts because of how I look Depression Forum 4
D Feeling suicidal Depression Forum 27

Similar threads

Top