Suicidal Ideation - Any coping strategies? -Trigger implicit.

C

Coolname

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#1
Hi all

So, I've been down for quite a while. I'm very aware of my mental health and usually cope quite well. However, in recent months suicidal thoughts have returned in force.

I tried setting a date a couple of years away so I could dismiss any thoughts until then. I try to keep myself busy and distracted too. Realised the thoughts were still bubbling away a couple of days ago when I found myself casually browsing for reputable net suppliers of pharmaceuticals guaranteed to do the job. I didn't place an order, I did bookmark the page though. I don't actually want to kill myself, I want to escape the way I feel right now. My lying negative narrative insists I will never feel any different, that my life will only get worse. I know that is a lie because of the vast changes I have made in recent years and the positive steps I am continuing to take. Still can't stop the thoughts though.

It is not helping that I feel so very vulnerable and delicate while addressing a lot of stuff in counseling, particularly making emotional connections with the child me. This is necessary for me to move forward, the emotional rawness and vulnerability is necessary but I am challenging a lot of my safety behaviours and it has proven to be a really tough road.

Anyone got suggestions on how to constructively address or distract from thoughts of suicide?

Thanks
 
LizBo

LizBo

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#2
Hi and welcome @Coolname;

I get where you're at for sure. The 'escape' plan can be tempting when the mind's hurting. For instance, I was writing up an (escape) Action Plan without a care in the world a couple of years ago. Half way through I thought to myself; "Hmm...I'm not feeling any emotion. Is that normal?" So I called the Mental Health Hotline and asked them.

An ambulance turned up and took me to the local psych ward for assessment. It seems my brain was so overwhelmed it shut down the emotional part to survive the internal pain and get me through the day.

They kept me in overnight and the next day I fell to pieces; I was there for 2 weeks recuperating.

The thing is, our brains are in charge, not our personality. Living alone after a MH breakdown, I avoided falling apart to deal with daily life. I mean, there was no-one else right? Sometimes you gotta let go of control and let that scared child inside express its fear and pain. And; ask for help.

On the ward I wasn't even allowed to dust my side table or sweep the floor. I was at the mercy of my wounded mind. I must say though, it was the best thing to ever happen to me as it helped me understand I'm not super human. I deserve to fall apart when the need arises.

When your mind's side-tracked with thoughts of self-harm, it's you crying out for help. Seek support and rest ok. It's not so much the past that brings us to our knees, it's the present requiring an adult response while our inner child is in charge. That's a dangerous situation.

I hope this helps you gain some perspective on your situation.
Sending kind thoughts your way...💙🕊
 
G

goodgollymiss

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#3
Maybe you could read about neuroscience on wikipedia to find your answers. I had a psych prof who published his papers and books online so that everyone could read them.
Dr Michael A Persinger on about.me

You can scroll down to hit the video or books button. This prof was a ghost hunter too. He believed all ghosts were caused by electromagnetism
 
C

Coolname

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Messages
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#5
Hi and welcome @Coolname;

I get where you're at for sure. The 'escape' plan can be tempting when the mind's hurting. For instance, I was writing up an (escape) Action Plan without a care in the world a couple of years ago. Half way through I thought to myself; "Hmm...I'm not feeling any emotion. Is that normal?" So I called the Mental Health Hotline and asked them.

An ambulance turned up and took me to the local psych ward for assessment. It seems my brain was so overwhelmed it shut down the emotional part to survive the internal pain and get me through the day.

They kept me in overnight and the next day I fell to pieces; I was there for 2 weeks recuperating.

The thing is, our brains are in charge, not our personality. Living alone after a MH breakdown, I avoided falling apart to deal with daily life. I mean, there was no-one else right? Sometimes you gotta let go of control and let that scared child inside express its fear and pain. And; ask for help.

On the ward I wasn't even allowed to dust my side table or sweep the floor. I was at the mercy of my wounded mind. I must say though, it was the best thing to ever happen to me as it helped me understand I'm not super human. I deserve to fall apart when the need arises.

When your mind's side-tracked with thoughts of self-harm, it's you crying out for help. Seek support and rest ok. It's not so much the past that brings us to our knees, it's the present requiring an adult response while our inner child is in charge. That's a dangerous situation.

I hope this helps you gain some perspective on your situation.
Sending kind thoughts your way...💙🕊
Thank you! That makes so much sense and is actually helping me gain distance from the thoughts.
I've booked several weeks leave from work soon. I hope that will give me that break from present responsibilities.
 
LizBo

LizBo

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#6
Thank you! That makes so much sense and is actually helping me gain distance from the thoughts.
I've booked several weeks leave from work soon. I hope that will give me that break from present responsibilities.
Hey! It's so great to know you get it. Honestly...
I hope you have somewhere peaceful to spend time; you deserve it! :hug5:
 
sadpunchingbag

sadpunchingbag

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#8
For me personally just to do something in line with your goals

For example i want to lose weight i go to the gym now that takes up some time say 8hours a week maybe 10hours if you count travel

I want be more sociable i take classes involving multiple people thats 2 hours a week

Etc its about filling time with stuff doing nothing is the worst for depression which i know thats how it feels but you gotta push yourself if you cant you are near rock bottom consider going into a in patient care
 
C

Coolname

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#9
its about filling time with stuff doing nothing is the worst for depression
Agreed, that and doing something physical. I booked lots of stuff to do last week and actually had fun! Lost myself in the moment. Getting off the sofa and giving my body some exercise has really shifted my mood too!

I hope it lasts but even if it doesn't, I'm doing more of this!
 
sadpunchingbag

sadpunchingbag

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#11
Agreed, that and doing something physical. I booked lots of stuff to do last week and actually had fun! Lost myself in the moment. Getting off the sofa and giving my body some exercise has really shifted my mood too!

I hope it lasts but even if it doesn't, I'm doing more of this!
It feels better but then i wonder should i deal with the inner conflict but a good shrink is better imo than a therapist in my experience
 
C

Coolname

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#12
I'd do what ever works for you. I've had a talking therapy from a Dr on NHS in the past and it helped loads but the number of sessions is restricted. Right now I want to get off the rails of a treatment plan and talk about whatever is on my mind. I'm lucky enough to be able to afford private counseling and well enough to make good use of that time. Combining that with lots of distractions, physical exercise and a break from work is a promising way forward. My past feels like it is receding, becoming less important as I talk it through and try to connect with the emotions in the company of a nice person who is happy to validate.
 
C

Coolname

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#13
I’m coming to join this thread.
There is so much inspiration here.

I’m hoping I can learn and ACT on it.

Thank you x
Hi

You are most welcome here.
I'm glad you are getting something from my posts but the truth is, I make them for me. If it helps others along the way then great! I learn from your posts and others here too. I see it as a sharing of knowledge and experience that benefits us all.

ACT is still a work in progress for me, find it really helpful though. Someone described it as a way of making the person bigger, big enough to embrace life instead of running from it.
 
M

mari30

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#14
One more newbie here.
It is comforting to read here about your positive progress, makes one feel hopeful. I hope things are going better and better for you!
I have to say that one thing that actually never came to my mind as a strategy is physical activity. I guess my mind was preoccupied with wanting to stay in the bed the whole day every day. So thanks for the idea, I am going to give it a try!
 
C

Coolname

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#15
Hi

Thank you and welcome to the thread :D. Exercise and focusing on your body instead of your mind can work wonders. I try not to let my thoughts get in the way, ie if I was to go swimming I would give my mind something to do by focusing on the feelings in my muscles, and on my skin. With walking it is the ground beneath my feet, the sights I pass and an audio book. I hope you feel able to give it a try.

I've been actively addressing my MH issues for quite a few years now, self help, therapy, counseling, etc. All with a healthy practical element such as meeting new people or exercising. It is often one step forward two steps back but overall I have come miles from where I was and have a much better quality of life. I hope you feel able to do the same.
 

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