J
Jisatsu
Well-known member
- Joined
- Nov 24, 2009
- Messages
- 515
I don't even know who I am anymore, I can't remember.
I feel so alone and so lost and so guilty and embarrassed and stupid. I feel tormented by my own existence, I don't know how much more I can take.
I want to disappear and I feel so guilty for wishing this because of my loved ones. I feel like no matter what I do, in the end I'm going to die and I feel as though I'm going to be alone. I feel as though my world is against me, my own individual world, the one that I live in, the one that no one else has any idea about.
I don't even know where I'm going with this. I wish I was a cat. I feel as though I'm going insane. I'm just writing what comes into my head right now, sorry.
The only way I see myself dying is through my own actions, whether it be suicide or stupidity.. although they seem to be more or less the same thing. I keep imagining the future and what it might hold. My life is empty and I'll feel like this; like nothing is ever good enough for me or for anyone else I don't want to please anyone I just want to die. I want to be alone but I do not. I'm so confused with what is real and what is in my head. I can't control these feelings and I thought I could.
Surely every 16 year old girl goes through these things. When I sit back and actually think of how I feel and what goes through my mind and the fact that I share it with no one.. surely there are more people like me, struggling but coping. Why can I not cope? Why do I of all people have to kick up a fuss? Why is it me? Why can't I be like anyone else, if anyone else is different at all.
I feel alone. I need to die, but I can't. I can't even give myself the one thing I want. I must exaggerate everything. How can a 16 year old girl feel these feelings, I've barely lived. I don't want to live anymore but I feel that in my own way, continuing to live is just another form of self injury. My mind feels frayed but it always has. I don't know what really happens and I don't even know what I'm talking about.
I feel stupid, crazed, insane, manic, depressed, irratic, idiotic, foolish, lonely, self-dependent, stupid. I'm venting and I doubt anyone will ever read this but I feel like tonight I might finally do something "stupid" or.. "suicidal"; what's the real difference?
I feel so alone and so lost and so guilty and embarrassed and stupid. I feel tormented by my own existence, I don't know how much more I can take.
I want to disappear and I feel so guilty for wishing this because of my loved ones. I feel like no matter what I do, in the end I'm going to die and I feel as though I'm going to be alone. I feel as though my world is against me, my own individual world, the one that I live in, the one that no one else has any idea about.
I don't even know where I'm going with this. I wish I was a cat. I feel as though I'm going insane. I'm just writing what comes into my head right now, sorry.
The only way I see myself dying is through my own actions, whether it be suicide or stupidity.. although they seem to be more or less the same thing. I keep imagining the future and what it might hold. My life is empty and I'll feel like this; like nothing is ever good enough for me or for anyone else I don't want to please anyone I just want to die. I want to be alone but I do not. I'm so confused with what is real and what is in my head. I can't control these feelings and I thought I could.
Surely every 16 year old girl goes through these things. When I sit back and actually think of how I feel and what goes through my mind and the fact that I share it with no one.. surely there are more people like me, struggling but coping. Why can I not cope? Why do I of all people have to kick up a fuss? Why is it me? Why can't I be like anyone else, if anyone else is different at all.
I feel alone. I need to die, but I can't. I can't even give myself the one thing I want. I must exaggerate everything. How can a 16 year old girl feel these feelings, I've barely lived. I don't want to live anymore but I feel that in my own way, continuing to live is just another form of self injury. My mind feels frayed but it always has. I don't know what really happens and I don't even know what I'm talking about.
I feel stupid, crazed, insane, manic, depressed, irratic, idiotic, foolish, lonely, self-dependent, stupid. I'm venting and I doubt anyone will ever read this but I feel like tonight I might finally do something "stupid" or.. "suicidal"; what's the real difference?