• Welcome! It’s great to see you.

    If you'd like to talk with people who know what it's like

    Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life.

Suicidal from lack of sleep

G

ggaifam

Member
Joined
Dec 26, 2020
Messages
18
Location
UK
i'm at my end. it's been years. i can't deal with it anymore.

i've done everything from drinking 'relaxing' drinks and watching 'relaxation' videos, to therapy and sleeping pills. nothing works.

it is torture. literal torture.

it gets worse, to the point i even know how i will end it.
 
S

Skyblue

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 17, 2020
Messages
162
Location
United Kingdom
If you have these thoughts please talk to someone who knows what to do. NHS inform has numbers for the helplines open at this time.
You really should phone your GP right now. You are experiencing suicidal ideation - a serious and ‘needs to be dealt with now’ symptom.
I missed my Christmas Day (and only day) with my Mum and Dad due to exhaustion from not being able to sleep before (too busy organising everything).
I think you should dial the doctor right now and explain. Please.
 
G

ggaifam

Member
Joined
Dec 26, 2020
Messages
18
Location
UK
please talk to someone who knows what to do
I have. So many times. At the end of the day, it's actually clear they have absolutely no idea what to do. The amount of 'professionals' I've been to must have combined earnings of well over a million a year, and yet they have been utterly useless.
 
S

Skyblue

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 17, 2020
Messages
162
Location
United Kingdom
I have. So many times. At the end of the day, it's actually clear they have absolutely no idea what to do. The amount of 'professionals' I've been to must have combined earnings of well over a million a year, and yet they have been utterly useless.
I am really sorry that you haven’t found any answers. Are you in the UK? I’ve found with the NHS and private services you have to tell them expressly that you are at the end of your tether. Demand. Do not ask. If you get a knock back - persevere.
My record is around 50 hours with an average of 2 or 3 hours a night over a year (manic stage of schizoaffective) so l do understand a bit but you need to get help. A sleep clinic, strong meds - something! I wish l could offer more solace but you will have fight for it l think.
Hopefully someone else has better insight but l still think, at this stage, you should be on the phone to your GP, explaining exactly how you feel.
Best of luck. L.
 
NWiddi

NWiddi

Well-known member
Forum Safety Team
Joined
May 6, 2017
Messages
6,651
Location
Sheffield
I'm sorry you're feeling so low, I hope things improve for you soon. It may help to have a look at these two pages on the forum: Suicidal Crisis and Mental Health Forum - Getting Help about what to do if you're feeling suicidal, or if you need emergency help. I hope you can use the forum for support during this difficult time.

If you’re thinking about suicide and are in immediate danger, please call your local emergency number (i.e. in the UK call 999, in the USA or Canada call 911, in Australia call 000 and in New Zealand call 111) or call the international emergency number of 112.

If you have been affected by the contents of this thread and would like to speak to someone about your feelings you can call one of the following helplines:

In the UK and Ireland, the Samaritans can be contacted on 116 123.
In the US, the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is 1-800-273-8255.
In Canada, the Suicide Prevention Service on 1.833.456.4566.
In Australia, the crisis support service Lifeline is on 13 11 14.
In New Zealand, the Need to Talk service is on 1737 or 080017371737.
Other international helplines can be found at www.befrienders.org.
 
G

ggaifam

Member
Joined
Dec 26, 2020
Messages
18
Location
UK
I am really sorry that you haven’t found any answers. Are you in the UK? I’ve found with the NHS and private services you have to tell them expressly that you are at the end of your tether. Demand. Do not ask. If you get a knock back - persevere.
My record is around 50 hours with an average of 2 or 3 hours a night over a year (manic stage of schizoaffective) so l do understand a bit but you need to get help. A sleep clinic, strong meds - something! I wish l could offer more solace but you will have fight for it l think.
Hopefully someone else has better insight but l still think, at this stage, you should be on the phone to your GP, explaining exactly how you feel.
Best of luck. L.
I have. I was refused strong meds on the basis of "duty of care" - probably thinking I would kill myself. Very ironic, since this is making me suicidal. I'm at the point where there is no point. I'm almost 30 and my entire youth has been wasted. I still live with my parents because I can't support myself being out of it, unable to work, etc. My life is nothing 99% of the time. The difference is good quality sleep. When I get it, which is extremely rare, I am fine. I have my struggles but I'm fine. And yet, I don't get it. I'm so close to the end.
 
S

Skyblue

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 17, 2020
Messages
162
Location
United Kingdom
I have. I was refused strong meds on the basis of "duty of care" - probably thinking I would kill myself. Very ironic, since this is making me suicidal. I'm at the point where there is no point. I'm almost 30 and my entire youth has been wasted. I still live with my parents because I can't support myself being out of it, unable to work, etc. My life is nothing 99% of the time. The difference is good quality sleep. When I get it, which is extremely rare, I am fine. I have my struggles but I'm fine. And yet, I don't get it. I'm so close to the end.
 
S

Skyblue

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 17, 2020
Messages
162
Location
United Kingdom
Being on the verge of 30 is not the end of your time. I would give a lot to be 30 again. It really really is not the end of anything.
Please please phone your GP and tell the receptionist it is URGENT. I have had to do it many times - never pleasant but necessary.
 
G

ggaifam

Member
Joined
Dec 26, 2020
Messages
18
Location
UK
Age matters not. Have you seen me before you? Spoiler alert, he has an accident, gives himself 6 months to live, meets a wonderful woman and actually lives a decent life. It's just not his life that he wants, and he ends it.

All I need is good quality sleep every night. Without it, I am nothing. With it, I am no where near suicidal despite my struggles. My life is being wasted, just passing by as I am tortured. If you were tortured, wouldn't you prefer just to die?

I can see through to the good and yet I still acknowledge that if I don't sleep, I don't want it, and I will not carry on. I could offer so many great things to this world if I could sleep. A "normal" life seems like a dream to me. I have an abundance of good things. I have water, food, etc. I can leave the tap running all day every day and it will never stop. There is no reason whatsoever why I shouldn't sleep. I am not being tortured in the normal sense, but insomnia is torture. I am not tired when you just have to deal with it. I'm absolutely exhausted. In fact that doesn't even describe it. I am dying inside. Parts of me are already dead and can never return.

Yet, despite all that, I can see a good life worth living IF I SLEEP. But I don't. So I'm at my end.
 
S

Skyblue

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 17, 2020
Messages
162
Location
United Kingdom
I wasn’t going to tell you this. Before mania l had psychotic symptoms at night - so real even though l fought very hard to stay rational. A mixture of CPSTD and Schizoaffective l think.
My friends and family were being tortured until l answered correctly to a question l didn’t know. Impossible. But there l was. Mostly auditory hallucinations, rarely visual. EVERY NIGHT for years. I cannot explain how excruciating it was. Actually l can’t even do this.
 
S

Skyblue

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 17, 2020
Messages
162
Location
United Kingdom
I had to guess the right answer to a question l could not hear. A twisted manifestation of always being at fault in various abusive/violent situations - the abusers always told me that it was happening because l had done something wrong.
 
G

ggaifam

Member
Joined
Dec 26, 2020
Messages
18
Location
UK
Yes. But I don't get the relevance to my situation, sorry.
 
S

Skyblue

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 17, 2020
Messages
162
Location
United Kingdom
I could not sleep. I was being tortured as you stated you are - in a different manner.
I could not function. I was exhausted from hyper vigilance and psychosis.
I do truly understand chronic insomnia. I’ve been awake since 11am yesterday.
This is not some sort of competition. I empathise and sympathise with your position. Got to go now.
Best wishes and intentions. L.
 
Similar threads
Thread starter Title Forum Replies Date
D Struggling with suicidal thoughts Depression Forum 5
DistantOcean Coping with suicidal thoughts and feelings Depression Forum 3
I Supporting a suicidal partner Depression Forum 4
NatashaFaye Suicidal Depression Forum 5
L Why? Suicidal. Depression Forum 17
H I'm too suicidal Depression Forum 20
A Anhedonia and suicidal thoughts. Depression Forum 4
B Suicidal Depression Forum 17
D Depressed, hopeless, suicidal. Depression Forum 7
floater Suicidal Depression Forum 8
MeAndMyDepression How often do you have PASSIVE suicidal thoughts? Depression Forum 76
apple2003 tw: suicidal, feeling like a burden, out of control Depression Forum 9
CKM1234 Feeling very suicidal today Depression Forum 15
A Suicidal thoughts and panic Depression Forum 50
J Struggling with suicidal thoughts Depression Forum 8
A Feel like being encouraged to be suicidal Depression Forum 322
Q Tips on how to manage suicidal thoughts Depression Forum 14
D I'm not sure if I'm suicidal or if I'm just being self destructive Depression Forum 4
goingpiano I feel so lonely (tw suicidal thoughts) Depression Forum 5
D Depressed/break up / suicidal Depression Forum 10
A Suicidal thoughts Depression Forum 7
K Would rather be dead than alive (not suicidal) Depression Forum 4
T My Suicidal Thoughts Depression Forum 2
B Suicidal again.... Depression Forum 13
T Feeling really suicidal Depression Forum 9
M Suicidal ideation. Depression Forum 11
A I get these suicidal thoughts all the time Depression Forum 19
X I have suicidal thoughts because of how I look Depression Forum 4
D Feeling suicidal Depression Forum 27
DistantOcean Suicidal Vibes Depression Forum 14
sunset547544 Suicidal Thoughts ; Why? Depression Forum 6
D Living with a Narcissistic mother, i feel suicidal Depression Forum 7
B Depression mostly lifted, but I'm having sudden despair and suicidal urges. Depression Forum 3
S How to overcome complete lack of motivation to do almost anything? Depression Forum 13
A Lack of compassion Depression Forum 2
K lack of motivation and i don't know what to do with my life Depression Forum 6
W Lack of independence/motivation Depression Forum 7
E Needing sleep Depression Forum 4
Z What’s the last thing you think of before sleep? Depression Forum 31
MeAndMyDepression How many hours a day do you sleep? Depression Forum 30
R depression from sleep disorders/difficulty Depression Forum 4
T Depression from Sleep Disorders/Difficulties Depression Forum 3
C Sleep and Mood Depression Forum 9
G I can't sleep. Depression Forum 1
E Excessive sleep+depression+OCD= lost Depression Forum 2
F Sleep and Anxiety / Depression Depression Forum 5
F Sleep and Lithium Depression Forum 8
Fairy Lucretia amy was put to sleep Depression Forum 14
R Can't Sleep Depression Forum 24
THE MANDALORIAN I tried to sleep Depression Forum 2

Similar threads

Top