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Suicidal boyfriend, at a loss for how to cope, help?

F

Fishforlyfe

New member
Joined
Apr 13, 2015
Messages
1
I have been with my boyfriend for a little over 3 years and throughout our relationship he has been depressed, angry at the world and suicidal, however within the past year it has gotten worse. Today was the worst episode he has had. He always tells me he is severely depressed because he smokes weed all day, that he is a bum (has never had job), lacks motivation and is not successful in what he wants to do with his life and that he not talented enough , etc. and that he should end his life and try again in the next one. I try to be as supportive as possible but he is quick to anger and it seems like anything I try to do only makes it worse. I try to be encouraging and he tells me it just makes him want to kill himself more. Today he started [moderated] because he said the way I look at him when he talks about suicide makes him feel hopeless. I can't help it though, I get so frustrated and feel so powerless I end up crying because I don't know how to help him and i am the only person he talks to about this. I feel guilty even opening up to this forum like I am betraying his trust but I am out of ideas for how to help. He has also told me if I try to get him help or if I call the ambulance if he attempts suicide that I am being selfish and denying him his own right to end his life if he wants too and who am I to try and stop him. I try to be positive and be supportive but it is getting really hard and I feel like I am close to losing my boyfriend who has also become my best friend. At time he has said the only way I can help is to give him stuff to attempt suicide with but since I won't do that I can't help. Is this a cry for attention? Is it the heavy smoking addiction that makes him depressed? I just don't know what to think anymore. We are both 24 and when we met I was a heavy weed smoker and we used to smoke all the time together but I was also feeling hopeless and depressed with anxiety so i quit altogether about 2 years ago and i have a good job I like and I graduated and am looking to get a masters soon. He constantly holds that over my head and makes me feel bad for quitting smoking and for trying to be happy and social and make something of myself. I just don't know what to do, does anyone with similar experiences have advice. I know the end all solution may be to walk away and let him be, but I really love him and want to try to make this work. Is that selfish of me? I don't want to betray his trust and reach out to his parents or best friends and this is starting to take a toll on me emotionally and mentally and is starting to fuel a mild form of depression in me and making me withdraw from my family and friends. He can be great and happy and just amazing but his depression and suicidal tendencies are simply worsening. Any advice or similar experiences would help right now. Thanks so much everyone.
 
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chazxxx

chazxxx

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 1, 2015
Messages
744
Hi fishforlye, I'm sorry your going through this, it must be very hard seeing someone you love go through so much pain. Whilst I haven't experienced what you have, i have felt how your boyfriend has. I remember thinking suicide will stop the pain and everyone else is selfish for expecting me to stay in pain. But that's the black and white tunnel vision thinking and ultimately underestimating how much people around you love you.
It sounds like he has been troubled for a long time and has only got worse. He does need help. Granted this is only my opinion but as much as you do not want to betray his trust ultimately the way I see it, if you are genuinely worried he may act on his suicidal feelings it is better to tell someone (parents, a professional) and get your boyfriend some help and have him be mad and angry at you for it, than find out he has gone through with committing suicide. I'm sorry if this sounds harsh because i know you love him and want him in your life but personally I would rather have someone hate me and not talk to me again than have died. (And once he has recieved some help the chances are he won't be mad anymore, will be on the road to getting better and eventually thank you for it.
This is a hard thing for you as well taking all this on completely on your own. He needs some support and so do you.
As I say this is just my opinion, but I would also recommend contacting a helpline for loved ones of suicidal people. They may be able to advise you better on what your plan of action should be. I'll find some numbers and post them for you.

I wish you the best of luck. There's no need for you both to suffer in silence.
 
fate_w_g

fate_w_g

Well-known member
Joined
May 29, 2014
Messages
278
Location
Essex
Hello Fishforlyfe,

The problem is the weed, I used to smoke all day everyday and went through periods like your boyfriend.

Once I gave up I started to lose the severe depression and got my life back on track.

That is until I became ill with schizoaffective disorder which I put down to all the weed I used to smoke.
 
chazxxx

chazxxx

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 1, 2015
Messages
744
These are the numbers i have found, you can talk through your concerns with someone on these helplines and im sure theyll be of more use to you than i would be.

CALM*have a helpline and texting service open 5pm – midnight, every day of the year which offers support to those in crisis:
Nationwide: *call 0800 585858
London:*call 0808 802 5858 or text CALM1 to 07537 404717
Merseyside:*call 0800 585858 or text CALM2 to 07537 404717

Samaritans*operates a 24-hour service available every day of the year. If you prefer to write down how you are feeling, you can email or text.
Call:*08457 90 90 90
Email:*[email protected]
Text:*07725 90 90 90

Papyrus*supports teenagers and young adults who are feeling suicidal.
Hopeline:*0800 068 41 41
papyrus-uk.org‎

Sane*provide a website and helpline offering support and information to anyone affected by mental illness.
Call:*0845 767 8000
sane.org.uk

Also I'd like to add, you do have a right to think about yourself in all of this aswel, don't withdraw from your family in friends, confide in someone who you trust if you can.
 
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