- Apr 13, 2015
I have been with my boyfriend for a little over 3 years and throughout our relationship he has been depressed, angry at the world and suicidal, however within the past year it has gotten worse. Today was the worst episode he has had. He always tells me he is severely depressed because he smokes weed all day, that he is a bum (has never had job), lacks motivation and is not successful in what he wants to do with his life and that he not talented enough , etc. and that he should end his life and try again in the next one. I try to be as supportive as possible but he is quick to anger and it seems like anything I try to do only makes it worse. I try to be encouraging and he tells me it just makes him want to kill himself more. Today he started [moderated] because he said the way I look at him when he talks about suicide makes him feel hopeless. I can't help it though, I get so frustrated and feel so powerless I end up crying because I don't know how to help him and i am the only person he talks to about this. I feel guilty even opening up to this forum like I am betraying his trust but I am out of ideas for how to help. He has also told me if I try to get him help or if I call the ambulance if he attempts suicide that I am being selfish and denying him his own right to end his life if he wants too and who am I to try and stop him. I try to be positive and be supportive but it is getting really hard and I feel like I am close to losing my boyfriend who has also become my best friend. At time he has said the only way I can help is to give him stuff to attempt suicide with but since I won't do that I can't help. Is this a cry for attention? Is it the heavy smoking addiction that makes him depressed? I just don't know what to think anymore. We are both 24 and when we met I was a heavy weed smoker and we used to smoke all the time together but I was also feeling hopeless and depressed with anxiety so i quit altogether about 2 years ago and i have a good job I like and I graduated and am looking to get a masters soon. He constantly holds that over my head and makes me feel bad for quitting smoking and for trying to be happy and social and make something of myself. I just don't know what to do, does anyone with similar experiences have advice. I know the end all solution may be to walk away and let him be, but I really love him and want to try to make this work. Is that selfish of me? I don't want to betray his trust and reach out to his parents or best friends and this is starting to take a toll on me emotionally and mentally and is starting to fuel a mild form of depression in me and making me withdraw from my family and friends. He can be great and happy and just amazing but his depression and suicidal tendencies are simply worsening. Any advice or similar experiences would help right now. Thanks so much everyone.
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