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suicidal and giving up completly

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ssamjohn42

Guest
I've attempted suicide more times than i can count in just 2 years. Im not going to list all the times but only some of the details will be put in. The first time they sent me to a hospital for help, it actually worked for almost a year. I did it again recently four months ago they sent me to a different hospital. It did not help what so ever. My sister found out the other day i had tried to over dose once again, on more than one thing and that ive been injuring myself everytime im in the shower... I was taken to the hospital but they didnt give me any help because (their excuse was this) "we're gonna send you home, because we've already been through this already." To me, thats them saying "there's no help or hope for you, you can go ahead and kill yourself we dont care anymore." i have a LOT of self hatred towards myself. More family problems then anyone I've ever met, i always feel alone... Even when there's people right next to me. I always feel like ill never be good enough, like i wont matter, im not successful in school, at home, no job, no support for myself. I cant do anything right it seems. Every time i try it just... Doesnt work. I've been called selfish, ive been told my life is to presscious, that ot has value, or people could care and be hurt. But to be honest. I dont care anymore if killing myself makes me selfish because i want to get away from everything and this shitty world, this generation disgusts me, the people are just beyond rude, and disturbing. I dont want to be around that ? I dont want to be surrounded by people that pretend to be or act a way they're not. What is so fucking presious or valuable about my life? I LITERALLY have nothing. nothing is worth or good enough to keep me wanting to stay alive? Family doesnt care, friends are fake, school makes it worse, to much self hatred. People want me to stay alive but why would i live a life because someone else wants me to? I have no faith, no hope, no fight and no confidence aanymore and i PROMISED MYSELF that i WILL NOT allow myself to live past 19 or 18 at the most. I really need help because there is something seriously wrong with me... I feel like im obssessed or like i crave for it until im no longer here.... Im scared of myself... I can say for a fact that i will attempt it again later this week, maybe tomorrow, or next wweek whenever. I will do it because there is literally no hope in my eyes. Its just not worth it. And im so done with everything. It'd be better that way anyways... Everyone i know would agree.
 
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MarlieeB

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Jan 15, 2013
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Hi and :welcome: to the forum. I can't give a proper answer right now but I will come back to this post a little later xxx
 
SarahD

SarahD

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Oct 21, 2014
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Location
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Hi Ssamjohn, I am sorry for what you are going through. You sound depressed, and angry at yourself and everyone around you.

You are very young to give up on life. I was depressed and suicidal at a young age, and I felt very bad about myself like you do. I still have problems, but I have to tell you that if I had killed myself then I would have missed some wonderful experiences later on that I now feel glad I had. Life always changes, no matter how bad things are now it doesn't mean it will always be like that.

You definitely need some help,to,cope with everything you are going through. Hospital isn't always the answer, even though it helped you once. Did they give you drugs or therapy? What was it that helped before? You need to think about that, then see your GP and talk to him/her about how desperate you feel and what kind of help could change things. I think you need some long term help and support.

People don't know what to say to someone,who is suicidal, so they try saying things like your life is precious, or don't be selfish. Often nothing they say can help. They don't usually mean to make things worse. Is there anyone who is on your side even a little bit? What about your sister, was she the one who got you to hospital last time?

Keep posting on here, because a lot of people will know what you are going through, and may have ideas to help you.
 
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Fantail

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Mar 26, 2015
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52
You seem in desperate need for someone to talk to whether that be a friend, relative or professional. That's got to be your priority.
 
Q

quietsecret

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Feb 6, 2015
Messages
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I'm so sorry you are feeling this way. I hope you feel better about things soon. Sometimes the people that you don't think care do care immensely but are just not good at expressing it. Just like how we don't know how to express our pain and anger and so we self harm instead
 
katya

katya

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Dec 4, 2013
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Location
England
I'm sorry the hospital reacted to you like that - that's ridiculously unhelpful. Please remember that you're suffering from a mental illness and that the way you see the world is currently very tainted by negativity - it's a symptom of your illness. It doesn't have to always seem so disgusting and hopeless. I hope you can find something soon that combats your depression. Remember, you're worth a hell of a lot more than you think you are, and if people are giving you the wrong idea, it's because people are generally quite shit at dealing with people who are ready to give up. But please don't give up.
 
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secretsurvivor1

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Sep 27, 2013
Messages
306
Location
SW UK
You are not alone. On here, you are normal, we are the same. Don't give up. It can't be as bad as this forever.
 
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secretsurvivor1

Well-known member
Joined
Sep 27, 2013
Messages
306
Location
SW UK
Things I try to get me back into my body instead of overwhelmed in my head include;
plunge hands in very cold water
watch a candle flame or smoking joss stick
count or say the alphabet repeatedly to drown out the thoughts
talk to someone for another perspective
draw doodles
walk briskly with upbeat music in ears
hide in bed

These are some of my strategies, hope something is useful to you.
 
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