I've attempted suicide more times than i can count in just 2 years. Im not going to list all the times but only some of the details will be put in. The first time they sent me to a hospital for help, it actually worked for almost a year. I did it again recently four months ago they sent me to a different hospital. It did not help what so ever. My sister found out the other day i had tried to over dose once again, on more than one thing and that ive been injuring myself everytime im in the shower... I was taken to the hospital but they didnt give me any help because (their excuse was this) "we're gonna send you home, because we've already been through this already." To me, thats them saying "there's no help or hope for you, you can go ahead and kill yourself we dont care anymore." i have a LOT of self hatred towards myself. More family problems then anyone I've ever met, i always feel alone... Even when there's people right next to me. I always feel like ill never be good enough, like i wont matter, im not successful in school, at home, no job, no support for myself. I cant do anything right it seems. Every time i try it just... Doesnt work. I've been called selfish, ive been told my life is to presscious, that ot has value, or people could care and be hurt. But to be honest. I dont care anymore if killing myself makes me selfish because i want to get away from everything and this shitty world, this generation disgusts me, the people are just beyond rude, and disturbing. I dont want to be around that ? I dont want to be surrounded by people that pretend to be or act a way they're not. What is so fucking presious or valuable about my life? I LITERALLY have nothing. nothing is worth or good enough to keep me wanting to stay alive? Family doesnt care, friends are fake, school makes it worse, to much self hatred. People want me to stay alive but why would i live a life because someone else wants me to? I have no faith, no hope, no fight and no confidence aanymore and i PROMISED MYSELF that i WILL NOT allow myself to live past 19 or 18 at the most. I really need help because there is something seriously wrong with me... I feel like im obssessed or like i crave for it until im no longer here.... Im scared of myself... I can say for a fact that i will attempt it again later this week, maybe tomorrow, or next wweek whenever. I will do it because there is literally no hope in my eyes. Its just not worth it. And im so done with everything. It'd be better that way anyways... Everyone i know would agree.
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