M
mrlonewolf
Guest
Hello there,
I hope you are all doing well and staying safe. I am lost in life, which for someone my age should be a time when things are starting to take shape. I am single, no children that I am responsible for, and in a job which I am not sure I should be doing. Based on online tests, I believe I might have BPD and less likely, Bi-polar. If I have BPD I am high functioning, able to do my job to some degree of success but plagued by wild emotions that fester inside and rarely bubble to the surface.
Paranoia causes me problems, I am constantly convinced that every interaction between other staff members is a plan to get me fired. My confidence in the workplace is usually zero, never believing that I am good enough. On the rare occasion, my confidence and ambition spikes and I have a period where I feel like I am God's gift to humanity. Then the bubble bursts and I am back at ground zero, waiting for the next spike in my ambition and confidence.
The life I have built for myself is one I cannot continue with, I constantly have suicidal thoughts and ideas of self-harm. I don't know whether these ideas are my own or in some way manufactured.
I hate the idea of being single, I want someone to create memories with. With that said, if I was in a relationship I know I would feel suffocated and would try and find a way to have as much me-time that is possible. It doesn't help that social media and dating apps, the main way people meet these days, is littered with wild, confusing energy. People who like me, think they need a relationship but are probably better off single. I just want to have an organic moment in which I meet someone through a job, a group of friends, or a chance encounter.
My life is confusing, I am trying to accomplish too much in a working week. I can accomplish these goals but need to be patient and not falter when things do not go my way.
Anyway, I can't write anymore, the day is getting late.
Take care everyone.
I hope you are all doing well and staying safe. I am lost in life, which for someone my age should be a time when things are starting to take shape. I am single, no children that I am responsible for, and in a job which I am not sure I should be doing. Based on online tests, I believe I might have BPD and less likely, Bi-polar. If I have BPD I am high functioning, able to do my job to some degree of success but plagued by wild emotions that fester inside and rarely bubble to the surface.
Paranoia causes me problems, I am constantly convinced that every interaction between other staff members is a plan to get me fired. My confidence in the workplace is usually zero, never believing that I am good enough. On the rare occasion, my confidence and ambition spikes and I have a period where I feel like I am God's gift to humanity. Then the bubble bursts and I am back at ground zero, waiting for the next spike in my ambition and confidence.
The life I have built for myself is one I cannot continue with, I constantly have suicidal thoughts and ideas of self-harm. I don't know whether these ideas are my own or in some way manufactured.
I hate the idea of being single, I want someone to create memories with. With that said, if I was in a relationship I know I would feel suffocated and would try and find a way to have as much me-time that is possible. It doesn't help that social media and dating apps, the main way people meet these days, is littered with wild, confusing energy. People who like me, think they need a relationship but are probably better off single. I just want to have an organic moment in which I meet someone through a job, a group of friends, or a chance encounter.
My life is confusing, I am trying to accomplish too much in a working week. I can accomplish these goals but need to be patient and not falter when things do not go my way.
Anyway, I can't write anymore, the day is getting late.
Take care everyone.