- Nov 9, 2021
Today is November 9, 2021. I am 27 years old. I first started having regular panic attacks in December 2019. I was not unfamiliar with it before but it only used to occur once or twice during the year and I never made a big deal out of it. I have been battling with depression and OCD since I've been 14 years old. Anxiety was somewhat familiar to me at that time (I was always really nervous before exams or when having to talk in public) but it had never taken over my life. Everything changed during this cold night of December 2019. I remember feeling this heavy pain around my chest, like my heart was being crushed. I do not know what triggered it but this horrible sensation never left me since that night. I later learned that I was suffering from generalized anxiety disorder (GAD). I am now being followed by a psychiatrist and am under medication (mainly valium for my anxiety - I used to be on Xanax before and sipralexa for my depression). I am also following various different types of therapies (including hypnosis) but nothing seems to help. Of course, being under medication has been of a tremendous help (at least during the earlier stages of my anxiety) but I feel like I am now getting accustomed to it and have the need to increase the dosage of my medication (which is of course not recommended). The past few days have been hell. I have sleeping issues and feel this tightening chest pain 24 hours a day. I feel like I am slightly becoming insane and have no idea why. I have had a great childhood and have never experienced any traumatic event in my life (besides the divorce of my parents). I sometimes wonder what made me this way. Being a corporate lawyer doesn't help as it comes with a lot of responsibilities which I am not always able to face given my current situation. To be honest, I don't really know why I joined this forum or what I am expecting to find here but in some ways sharing my experience is kind of a relief (I have to hide it all the time at work and around me except in front of my family and friends and this is EXHAUSTING !). I am happy to discuss with all of you who suffer with the same issues and if any of you has any recommendations/practices which helped them along the way, I will gladly take it, because frankly, a this point in life, I am scared that I am not going to make it.