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such a useless person doesn't deserve to live

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yoyogirl

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 11, 2015
Messages
69
Location
Essex
I feel right a mess right now everything is going wrong in my life. I completely messed up everything this week. Totally forgot about going to a uni interview on Wednesday and spent the Tuesday evening panicking because I didn't email them before 5pm so I was panicking all night worrying like crazy thinking in the worse and in the end sent an email saying I couldn't get the time off voluntary work. Then Wednesday after work I saw my friend and another and completely cocked because one of them wanted to sleep and I got myself into a state because I felt abandoned and took it personally my stupid brain thoughtt they hated me and wanted me to piss of and I ended up crying all evening in a low mood. Then in the morning still pissed off from last night completed forgot about the interview I had today with another uni and spent the morning anxious not great when I have already got anxiety disorders. So I ended up sending another lie email that I had stomach bug. Cried cried cried in the loo hit myself a few times. And then I was feeling utter shit I texted my boyfriend and we had a massive argument and I told him to f word off and now I feel massively anxious inside hating myself so mch. That I am struggling xxx I wonder what other crap am I gonna get myself into today now I am regretting going to work as o I don't feel like it and would easily spend the next 8 hours waiting to go to bed to forget my uselessness.

I am useless will always will be. I am failure I hate myself I don't deserve to be here. I have also logically cancelled tonight's meeting with friends , tomorrow's and activities and I haven't bothered turning up to CSV groups and doing any work for college.
 
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*autumn*

*autumn*

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here
Please don't be hard on yourself yoyogirl,
you do deserve to be here and you're not a failure :hug1:
 
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yoyogirl

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 11, 2015
Messages
69
Location
Essex
Then she turns round a blame it on me like and make me feel even more worse I already know I am f****** cock up I don't need sodding reminding daily x
 
SomersetScorpio

SomersetScorpio

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 17, 2012
Messages
13,531
Location
The West Country
Hey yoyogirl, sorry to hear you're having such a hard time at the moment.:hug1:

I think it's good to only do what we can manage, but sometimes it's worth pushing ourselves to do things we really don't want to in order to see that things aren't as bad as we fear they are.

I suppose I saw that you'd cancelled lots of things that you'd planned to do, and am wondering if that was to genuinely give yourself a break because you're overwhelmed or if it was for other reasons (i.e. anxiety, worry, self-sabotage)?

I know how hard it is when you feel you've messed up, but I know from my own experiences things never turn out as bad as I think they are in my own mind which is why it's important to challenge the voice inside of us that says we shouldn't bother because we'll only fail anyway.
The saying that you are your own worst critic is often true - so be kinder to yourself.:hug:
 
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yoyogirl

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 11, 2015
Messages
69
Location
Essex
Thankfully the situation with Becca resolved and unis are being sorted out at last, but the entire experience has left me feeling really low and depressed not wanted to do much Friday and Saturday and I felt rather tired due my emotions going absolutely crazy. But I am also very glad I told my parents about the racing thoughts in my head that never seem to shut the hell up. It's a continuous row inside my skull that never shuts the hell up. I feel so overwhelmed easily and I had enough.
 
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