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Stuck in a situation that's causing me to isolate myself

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simbax

New member
Joined
Oct 2, 2016
Messages
1
Hi guys, this is my first post here because I really need to talk to anyone about this situation, it's eating me up inside.

A few months ago my best friend (who I live with) abandoned me when he got a girlfriend (who I also live with). He had been the first person I'd opened up to in years, I thought we were really close, so I took a massive hit when he just stopped making an effort at all with me. When I talked to him about it he was so cold, making it clear that he didn't need our friendship any more and making me feel so stupid to think that he actually cared about me, because there's no way you can do what he did to someone you care about. He has sociopathic tendencies which I knew about when we were friends but he's such a good manipulator and liar that I didn't fully understand until this happened, and I realised he was manipulating me the whole time. It was a really rough time and I went to some really dark places. Luckily spending the summer away from him gave me a chance to partly heal and I've gotten a lot better.

The problem is that I live with him, his girlfriend, and five other girls - we all go to the same university studying the same course in the same year so it's a very close house and we do everything together. Now that summer is over however, I still find it very difficult to be around hime and his girlfriend, it makes me very anxious and upset. Because the whole house is close, this often means that I'm pulling away from my other friends to be in my room to get away from him, where I end up snowballing into my dark places again, and this is my last year of university so I really can't let this affect my work.

I don't know any way out of this. I don't think he knows the impact he had on my mental health and I really want to just confront him about it but I know he wouldn't care (again, sociopathic tendencies). I can't stand being around him but I don't want to lose my other friends because that would push me further into a bad place. I hate being isolated but I can't see any way out.
 
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naominash

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 26, 2016
Messages
2,606
Location
North Carolina
Is there a way you can mingle with people outside the house.

I think if you found even one good friend outside the house, it might be a good outlet for when things get tough with your home group.
 
Nikita

Nikita

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Jun 20, 2015
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4,860
Simbax,hello!

I would continue to mix with your other friends both inside and outside the house and just ignore him and his girlfriend,just blank them and pretend they aren't there when you are in the same room as them or in the kitchen but make an effort with your other friends.He might be wanting to make you isolated so don't be confrontational just do what it takes to preserve your other friendships,it's not fair if you lose them because of him.if you succeed in ignoring him and not let him get to you then all will end well.He is a sociopath you say,probably a narcissist,so it is important that when you encounter him you keep your emotions neutral don't show him he can upset you and don't engage with him on an emotional level,blank him and keep things practical and factual.This is very important.Now you have got over the shock of him not caring about you ever,you just have to see him as an unfeeling zombie with no human capacities for emotion,behave as if there is a robot in the room when he is present.I hope doing this you can manage to heal from the pain he put you through and also keep your other friends!Nikitax
 
Jaminacaranda

Jaminacaranda

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Joined
Aug 18, 2013
Messages
2,192
Location
East of England
Is there no chance you could find somewhere else to live? That wouldn't necessarily mean you needed to give up on your other friendships - you could still socialise together. It doesn't sound, from what you say, that your relationship with your previously 'best friend' is going anywhere, and you know long-term that's probably a good thing if he is sociopathic like you say.

My advice would be, focus on yourself and your Uni work and get out if you can because it sounds like this situation is only going to cause you future stress and maybe compromise your success at Uni.
 

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