• Welcome! It’s great to see you. Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life.

    If you'd like to talk with people who know what it's like

Struggling

P

Paranoid MisterE

Active member
Joined
Jan 15, 2009
Messages
43
Been a while since i posted, guess i just been getting on with things.

Im starting to struggle again though, living with paranoia 24/7, only time i ever forget bout it is playing darts or when im too drunk to care. Its even crept into my dreams, dreaming that people are laughing at me then i wake up and start thinking bout it all over again. Does any1 else have these dreams?

My therapist took me as far as he could and thought we made a breakthrough when i managed to handle a situation where people laughed at me(i fell while snowboarding) but i was fine because they had reason to laugh, its when i dont give people a reason to laugh that bothers me.

Then there is the sweating, im overweight from a sedentry lifestyle for past 2 years and gained a few stone while on olanzapine. Im slowly losing it and started doing weights in the house but can only wear black due to continuous sweating...people are noticing and ask why i dont wear colour, im too embarrassed to say. I was doing the garden the other day when someone stopped to speak to me, they asked if i was ok and joked that i needed an oxygen mask since i was sweating that much, t-shirt was soaked! I want to join the gym/fitness class but im too paranoid around other people and embarrassed about my sweating. Recently i worked up the courage to take my top off to go swimming and someone commented that i looked like a whale, the top went back on, i didnt go swimming. This wasnt voices, my friend heard it too and had a go at the person.

Does any1 else find it hard to try and stay positive, i know im worrying the hell out of my family and want to move into my own place so they wont see me when im down, my mum thinks she will worry more if she cant keep an eye on me, i worry that im making her ill.

My life feels empty, im trying to stop drinking, while its 1 of the only enjoyments in my life, at the end of the day its a depressant and weekend binges were making me feel hellish. I use drink to get confidence and relax, without it i worry i will be boring and unsocial.

Sorry for the lengthy post, can any1 relate to any of this?
 
D

diddypinks

ACCOUNT CLOSED
Joined
Jun 7, 2009
Messages
1,946
hi i can relate

hello there i can totally relate to what your saying i myself have forced myself to go swimming it works for me i spendthe entire time under the water and that helps my voices i just got to the point where i was not going to let other people stop me living my life i went up to 18 stone at one point olanzapines a bugger for that i am on quitiapine which is better for me. your lucky that your friend stuck up for you i have no friends so i always go alone. i just wanted t say this keep going when i see a chubby person swimming i just think good for you because ive been there not everyones nasty. the more you go the easier it is put it this way are you going to let that ignorant twit stop you going swimming? dont let him just think he was out of line and move on number 2 drinking is a mugs game for scitzophrenics it makes the voices worse the paranoia worse everything worse i havent had a drink for 8 months and i feel fantastic because i ended up in a jail cell please dont go down that road fight back hold your head up high good luck!!:D
 
Top