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Struggling

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bpd2020

Well-known member
Joined
May 25, 2020
Messages
749
Location
England
Since I had the idea I am a bad person I feel so ill. All night I was lying in bed feeling so distressed. I tried acknowledging my feelings and accepting them. I woke feeling the same. I tried to talk about it to my partner. He kept telling me I am not a bad person but I cannot shake the feeling I need to punish myself. He was suspicious I was going to self harm and told me it hurts him when I do it. It has been so hard not doing it. I just want to hurt myself and punish myself. I hate myself so much. I am so messed up and emotional. All I can think of is how much I want to die. I am so useless and stupid. I hate feeling so empty and sad and emotional. :(
 
Mayflower7

Mayflower7

Well-known member
Moderator
Joined
Jan 4, 2013
Messages
12,853
Location
England
Hi,
I've seen you helping others on here, thank you. I believe you are a good person.
Please don't punish yourself.
Does distraction help at all?
Hugs
 
B

bpd2020

Well-known member
Joined
May 25, 2020
Messages
749
Location
England
Hi,
I've seen you helping others on here, thank you. I believe you are a good person.
Please don't punish yourself.
Does distraction help at all?
Hugs
Thank you. You are so kind. I do distract myself but im having therapy and have been told I need to tolerate emotional distress and not self harm or binge.
 
Mayflower7

Mayflower7

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Moderator
Joined
Jan 4, 2013
Messages
12,853
Location
England
Hi,
Hopefully thru coping mechanisms you'll be able to stop self-harming and bingeing.
We are here for you.
Glad you have some family support.
Hugs
 
Someone_alone

Someone_alone

Well-known member
Joined
May 15, 2020
Messages
51
Location
South Africa
If you don't mind me asking, what makes you feel like a bad person? If you've done bad things accept them and move forward with a healthier attitude, life's too short to be holding onto the unchangeable past. Self-harm isn't a viable way of fixing any issue, its a quick resolve that puts an issue on pending and should be avoided at all costs. I don't think you want to die, after all, you came here and so within your heart you have hope, let that hope grow, learn to accept and love yourself, you like everyone is a beautiful soul and sometimes all we need is a little guidance.

As a stranger I love you, please don't hurt yourself, I want you to grow and I really do, I'm not just saying that to make you feel better, we need to help one another if we want to see a change in the world and that all starts by loving one another.
 
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bpd2020

Well-known member
Joined
May 25, 2020
Messages
749
Location
England
If you don't mind me asking, what makes you feel like a bad person? If you've done bad things accept them and move forward with a healthier attitude, life's too short to be holding onto the unchangeable past. Self-harm isn't a viable way of fixing any issue, its a quick resolve that puts an issue on pending and should be avoided at all costs. I don't think you want to die, after all, you came here and so within your heart you have hope, let that hope grow, learn to accept and love yourself, you like everyone is a beautiful soul and sometimes all we need is a little guidance.

As a stranger I love you, please don't hurt yourself, I want you to grow and I really do, I'm not just saying that to make you feel better, we need to help one another if we want to see a change in the world and that all starts by loving one another.
Thank you for your lovely words. I am a bad person because I was a very strange child and my parents were unable to love me. I posted yesterday about how I used to get upset when my ex boyfriend used to want to be with his family and friends more then me. I now realise how unhealthy and bad my behaviour was. I can understand you saying let the past go. My trouble is, I live in the past.
 
Someone_alone

Someone_alone

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Joined
May 15, 2020
Messages
51
Location
South Africa
Also know
Thank you for your lovely words. I am a bad person because I was a very strange child and my parents were unable to love me. I posted yesterday about how I used to get upset when my ex boyfriend used to want to be with his family and friends more then me. I now realise how unhealthy and bad my behaviour was. I can understand you saying let the past go. My trouble is, I live in the past.
You never live in the past, you right now are always experiencing now, it will always be now. Thinking about past memories is simply thinking about thoughts and that's a waste, isn't it? If you learn to live now you will remove a lot of sufferings. Iv noticed people either anxiously await the future or depress over the past but both are terribly harmful and neither will make you feel better.

A healthier way of incorporating the past into the now is by seeing what you have learned and can learn from the past. Accept the past, analyze it, learn from it, and then let go. Our biggest regrets in life aren't the things we've done, its the things we haven't done.

You are not a bad person you are just a person
 
R

RTLP

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 13, 2020
Messages
58
Location
London
You are not a bad person (at least not as bad as you think). All humans have positive and negative attributes and all under some circumstances will behave badly. Just look what children or people with power do. Your feelings about your ex-boyfriend being more time with his family and friends are normal but probably too deep. Parents usually love their children because they are theirs and not because they have something special. Parents also have their psychological problems and sometimes are not able to provide the necessary attention to their offsprings.
 
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bpd2020

Well-known member
Joined
May 25, 2020
Messages
749
Location
England
You are not a bad person (at least not as bad as you think). All humans have positive and negative attributes and all under some circumstances will behave badly. Just look what children or people with power do. Your feelings about your ex-boyfriend being more time with his family and friends are normal but probably too deep. Parents usually love their children because they are theirs and not because they have something special. Parents also have their psychological problems and sometimes are not able to provide the necessary attention to their offsprings.
Thank you for replying. Yes, I guess parents are meant to love their children no matter what but mine were unable to so I see it as my fault. I will try not to feel bad about being too deep. I appreciate your reply.
 
Tawny

Tawny

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Forum Guide
Joined
Nov 10, 2019
Messages
765
Location
England
Since I had the idea I am a bad person I feel so ill. All night I was lying in bed feeling so distressed. I tried acknowledging my feelings and accepting them. I woke feeling the same. I tried to talk about it to my partner. He kept telling me I am not a bad person but I cannot shake the feeling I need to punish myself. He was suspicious I was going to self harm and told me it hurts him when I do it. It has been so hard not doing it. I just want to hurt myself and punish myself. I hate myself so much. I am so messed up and emotional. All I can think of is how much I want to die. I am so useless and stupid. I hate feeling so empty and sad and emotional. :(
This breaks my heart to read, but i am so pleased your partner seems to be so calm and honest and supportive. With gentle support from him and others, one day you won't feel this bad, or those feelings that are so hard to sit with won't hurt so deeply. Those feelings lose their intensity eventually.

I understand that anger which you then direct at yourself. It can sometimes be an anger you feel for someone else, that you cannot act upon. You cannot go and harm them, so sometimes we need to punch the bed and scream, but that isn't enough to release IT. Whatever IT is.

It is all about one step at a time, one day at a time, and if that day becomes days, you may need to seek further support, in addition to non-professionals.

I can't remember that time clearly for me, but i really don't want to remember it either. It was hell on earth.

My cat is awake and looking beautiful. She helps me, her sweet face.

Rest today and use your coping strategies.
 
Faith198

Faith198

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 30, 2020
Messages
583
Location
Ohio
I second what Mayflower said, I’ve seen you post on other member’s stuff and you seem so compassionate and kind. You’re being so hard on yourself. I believe you’re a great person. I’m sorry you feel that way right now :grouphug:
 
B

bpd2020

Well-known member
Joined
May 25, 2020
Messages
749
Location
England
This breaks my heart to read, but i am so pleased your partner seems to be so calm and honest and supportive. With gentle support from him and others, one day you won't feel this bad, or those feelings that are so hard to sit with won't hurt so deeply. Those feelings lose their intensity eventually.

I understand that anger which you then direct at yourself. It can sometimes be an anger you feel for someone else, that you cannot act upon. You cannot go and harm them, so sometimes we need to punch the bed and scream, but that isn't enough to release IT. Whatever IT is.

It is all about one step at a time, one day at a time, and if that day becomes days, you may need to seek further support, in addition to non-professionals.

I can't remember that time clearly for me, but i really don't want to remember it either. It was hell on earth.

My cat is awake and looking beautiful. She helps me, her sweet face.

Rest today and use your coping strategies.
Thank you for your kind words. I am currently having weekly therapy. I am no longer under the care of the mental health team as they think I am stable.I am glad your cat helps you.
 
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bpd2020

Well-known member
Joined
May 25, 2020
Messages
749
Location
England
I second what Mayflower said, I’ve seen you post on other member’s stuff and you seem so compassionate and kind. You’re being so hard on yourself. I believe you’re a great person. I’m sorry you feel that way right now :grouphug:
Thank you. That is such a lovely thing to day.
 
U

Until

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 11, 2020
Messages
114
Location
uk
I know how you feel @bpd2020 I feel like a bad person, I probably wouldn't like me if I was someone else and it is so hard, no one understands, except people who have the same feelings about themselves. I just posted about how often my moods change during a day in an instant and I am tired of it. Sorry you feel like this too.
 
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bpd2020

Well-known member
Joined
May 25, 2020
Messages
749
Location
England
I know how you feel @bpd2020 I feel like a bad person, I probably wouldn't like me if I was someone else and it is so hard, no one understands, except people who have the same feelings about themselves. I just posted about how often my moods change during a day in an instant and I am tired of it. Sorry you feel like this too.
Thank you for your support. I am sorry you dont like yourself. It is so hard because not liking ourselves means we struggle to be happy.
 
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