Struggling

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tealsheep

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Feb 18, 2019
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USA
#1
I am having a bit of a hard time the last week. My partner and I had to put our old dog down last Monday. It's been tough without her. Thankfully we have our two younger dogs to love and love us. I would be so much worse if not for them. It had been a while since I have felt this darkness and almost physical weight on me. Sure I have been worse in the past......doesn't make now any easier. I am hoping that things will get better with time, but so far things seem to just keep getting darker. At what point do you reach out? I definitely don't want to end up in the hospital again or starting self injury again. I find it hard to reach out anyways. Have always felt like I have to face this alone.
 
ReverieAnxiety

ReverieAnxiety

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#2
Hi tealsheep!

So sorry to hear about your dog. I don't think it's ever too early to reach out for help and the sooner you reach out, the more you can transition into healing. You're not alone, no matter how tough life is. We're all going through something and we all got each other's back here!

-Reverie
 
megirl

megirl

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#3
Hi and welcome,
My advice as suggested by my support worker and pdoc, beware of the signs the first sign something's not ok you need to get help, dont just keep putting it off.
In the past its ..I'll be ok..i m not too bad...see how I am next week..next month..delaying attention ends having a longer recovery. So sounds like a good plan to get help now
 
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steve1953

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#4
I felt that 'physical weight' and deep sadness when we lost our dog 5 years ago now, i'll write to you later you can't let it make you Ill... Your dog wouldn't want that, I'll write later how I dealt with it.
 
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steve1953

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#5
My message is about my experiences and my dog and about giving you some comfort in your grief... This message is quite spiritual so if it might not be for you then don't read it.

Where shall I start... I was an ordinary mechanic for 30 years up till about 2000 - I had a strong enough spiritual upbringing as when you leave here you go to Heaven as taught by many parents. Sometime about 2004 I had a message when sleeping, you'll move to live in a different town be an old IT designer and work in a den, all that I thought after is I didn't like the old bit, and always thinking as years rolled on where's this den. Anyway, move on to about 2008 I met my now wife online and my new dog Giz and my new place of work under the stairs just like a tiny cupboard it was with my computer the only space available, my den.

My point to all this to you, is Giz taught me so much spiritual stuff when we nursed my lovely mum in law 2011-2012 at out home until her last moment here with dementia - that dog knew so much, some sense so much... When my 50 yr old brother in law came to visit one of many times as Rita was in her last weeks, he once said whats up with that dog... like he was exited about something come see!

Since we had to put our dog down so much deep sadness for months, and me and my wife were so upset, and since then not as advanced as a clairvoyant but I had picked up on helpful spiritual images etc, and I kept saying to my then passed dog, almost ever evening give me a sign Giz you are ok.

I know people went to heaven by this time for sure but what about dogs, what about them? then one day 3 months after he passed, I heard him outside our small conservatory late one evening mmm mmm mmm sound - I went into my wife and when I told her, she reminded me he used to make that exact sound when lying across our knees when watching tv, contented sound he used to make. So no one will ever tell me I did not hear him... I do hope this might help in some way, spirit lives on...
 
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steve1953

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#6
To all here on this forum...

Just a point as ive been talking spiritual - if there is anyone reading now in a very dark place, look for the light and for available hope and help - its here on this forum, and if it isn't then send a new post for help, ending it or shall we say short-cutting or fast tracking doesn't work in my opinion there is a price to pay and sent straight back here in a worse situation... So think!! look for help you can get through this... Paradise exists no 'pain'fear'hatred' - but not now at this moment, we all push on, help people, and be kind to each other...
 
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tealsheep

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Feb 18, 2019
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#7
Thank you everyone. I appreciate the support. I guess part of me doesn't want to admit that I am having a tough time......and reaching out would make that "real". I go back and forth between wanting to sleep all the time and doing nothing and being bored and wanting to do everything. Doesn't help that I had surgery a few weeks ago and am in a cast......so I have to rely on my partner for many things. Sadly, I find myself missing the relief that I used to from the self injury. Find myself looking at the old scars......and wishing.....not that I want to go back to that. Just used it as a coping method for so long, it pops up when things get tough. I know how quickly things can spiral for me. Already part of me doesn't really care.
 
megirl

megirl

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#8
Am sorry that you've lost your job
I prefer my dog to some people,I've been through a bit in the last year,he certainly helped me through, I see you've also had surgery that can take a lot out of you emotionally and physically.
Over Xmas I had my arm in a cast,only so many things I could do and being on my own, made everything that much more difficult,
Then the loss of your beloved pet, that leaves huge a bit hole
Look after yourself,be kind to yourself
And if things are still difficult might be good to make an appointment with yr gp
As you said things can quickly spiral for you so yep I would see that Dr soon
 
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tealsheep

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Feb 18, 2019
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#9
Thanks.

I called the dr today but told them I didn't want a med change. They suggested therapy. Not sure I want to do that. Have to talk with my partner since they would have to drive me if I got in to see someone. I guess it just feels like going backwards. I had been doing so well. At the same time I don't want to sink any further either. There are times when it all just feels so suffocating and overwhelming. I am not sure what to do. Guess it's good that I can see the signs.....never use to in the past. Part of me just wants to disappear.
 
megirl

megirl

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#10
Have you had therapy in the past?
It can be useful. It doesn't have to be about bringing up the past.
Learning skills how to cope better.
One important skill for me was learning how to nurture myself,changing some of my negative thinking patterns.
How about self-help books,you've probably done all these things.
Sometimes its good to revisit things.
 

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