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Struggling

mami5

mami5

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Aug 30, 2012
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Location
North West Wales
Have been really struggling with suicidal thoughts all day. Can't get them out of my head. Don't want to live anymore. :cry2:
 
Mayflower7

Mayflower7

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Hi Mami,
I'm sorry your struggling and feeling suicidal, I know you don't trust your CPN or cmht.
Think you had problems with the Samaritans as well.
A/E is too far away. I'm here to listen and care.
I'm not surprised your feeling low, you've been thru such a lot.
Can you book to see your GP, not sure how long you have to wait. Hope I'm right that you trust her more.
I'm sure your trying to distract yourself.
Hope you feel better soon.
Keep safe Mami and don't make any rash decisions.
We care here about you :hug:
Take care
 
mami5

mami5

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Location
North West Wales
Thank you Mayflower :hug:

Seeing my GP in near impossible......or any when it comes to that! I don't trust her anymore anyway.....she works with CMHT.....and I really don't trust them.

My head is telling me I really want and need to die. I can't see a way out of this.
 
Mayflower7

Mayflower7

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Hi Mami,
Sorry about your GP, don't listen to your thoughts. Please believe me.
You don't need to die, I've been suicidal before.
It does pass, it is distressing I know.
Here to listen.
Take care
 
mami5

mami5

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Location
North West Wales
I keep imagining me dead and what would happen in life without me there.

I'm losing the will to live.
 
Mayflower7

Mayflower7

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Hi Mami,
Think of all the people who love you and how much they'd miss you.
Intrusive thoughts are horrible, they will pass. Hope you can get some sleep Mami.
Take care
 
A

Aurelius

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Aug 14, 2018
Messages
347
I keep imagining me dead and what would happen in life without me there.

I'm losing the will to live.
"I keep imagining me dead and what would happen in life without me there." - On the day one of your children look for you (and at least one of them will), you will not be there. My friend's sons, from time to time, still look for him - but all that there is for them, is what is left of him in other people.

My mentor used to constantly remind me that 'you can lose the will to live - which may be about reaching the depths of despair, hopelessness, exhaustion and depression - but that that should not be confused with making a conscious decision to die by taking your own life'.

Mami, please walk away from ending your life and leaving the world an emptier place - especially for those you love. You have already had so much taken away from you - if you are not there - what you have lost can never return.
 
JohnDoe-mk42

JohnDoe-mk42

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Mar 8, 2018
Messages
27
Location
Somewhere in the middle of anywhere that may or ma
Hey Mami,
I don't know you and you don't know me, like at all, but I've recently had two friends go through similar emotions and a year or two ago I felt the same way, fortunately I held on through those dark times long enough to regain the will to live, my friends on the other hand didn't. I wasn't particularly close to them and I regret that as I couldn't give them the support they needed. So I would request that you do two things for me, 1) please try your very best to just fight through this, one day it'll get better
2)reach out to someone, anyone you know for support don't let someone else make the mistake I made
best wishes to you for the future and all the wonderful things that will come.
 
S

SelfRespect

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Joined
Jun 18, 2014
Messages
82
I wish I could offer better support. I took an overdose when things got too much I thought everyone would be better if I wasn't there. I was found unconscious in the toilet downstairs, I awoke in hospital a couple of days later to realise what my family had gone through. I still struggle with thoughts but it is those you leave behind who will continue in the struggle. Now I think I'm lecturing, sorry.

I try to take every minute at a time, getting through in small steps, not trying to think too far into the future, just trying to keep on swimming so to speak.

Neither of us know each others problems but I try to think, although a real struggle at times, that there are those that do not have my advantages such as NHS and my family, I don't mean brothers and sisters but husband and children in my case, clean water and a good sanitary system, just those little things I'm fortunate to have, sorry I bet loads of people have said that to you, and having thought that I've still self harmed.

I should tell myself to shut up :)

Stay strong :)

AG
 
L

LoveYourself

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Joined
Aug 14, 2018
Messages
70
I`ve been having similar thoughts a lot the last months. I feel so unstable and unsafe with myself because i just simply cant control my thoughts sometimes. But dont give up, keep doing your utmost and improvement can and most probably will occur sooner or later. I keep reminding myself this. Please dont give up before you`ve tried everything.
 
mami5

mami5

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Joined
Aug 30, 2012
Messages
11,222
Location
North West Wales
Thank you all :grouphug:

I'm sorry that so many of you have been affected by this.

I also knew people who are no longer here because of this dreadful illness.

I've tried to keep busy and distracted today......but the thoughts are never far away.

Thing is....I now believe them. I no longer want to fight it......as I really believe I want to die.

I know my kids will miss me and grieve......but I'm convinced this won't last and then they'll realise that they are better off without me.

The urges to do something.....I shouldn't......are strong ......and still gaining strength.

I can't see the point in carrying on. :cry2:
 
W

Waverunner

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Joined
Feb 1, 2015
Messages
2,182
You are stronger than the urges Mami. You have fought through excruciatingly difficult times and come through. You can do this!! Sending you hugs!
 
Mayflower7

Mayflower7

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Jan 4, 2013
Messages
14,487
Location
England
Hi Mami,
We are all here to help you thru this, your kids wouldn't be better off without you.
Please keep fighting.
Take care honey
 
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