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Struggling with weight

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flavorjen

New member
Joined
Apr 28, 2021
Messages
1
Location
Belgium
For the past week, I’ve been really busy with my weight and body image.
I just need someone to listen and maybe give me a few tips after reading.
I’m new to this all and it’s overwhelming.
I recently started being obsessed with healthy foods and counting every single piece of food that I have into apps that give me how much calories the foods are that I just consumed.
I saw that I gained a few kgs and it started to bug me so that’s where it all began.
I started by going on runs once a week and walks after having dinner with my family (I’m 18 years old)
I’ve always been underweight and when I gained those few kgs, I saw that my BMI came to a normal weight which made me panic and caused me to change my eating habits.
I cut out all snacks, candy and almost all fats.
I buy whole grain pasta, rice and bread instead, I eat way more salads, vegetables and fruits.
Whenever I go to the store, I find myself staring at biscuits and chocolates and imagine myself eating them but I won’t buy them because I won’t allow myself to have them, I just imagine it.
I watch a lot of mukbangs on youtube where people eat unhealthy food because I won’t allow myself to have it, it has become an obsession.
I even find myself day dreaming at random moments such as while being in class, I dream about enjoying a good brownie or another dessert.
I try to eat smaller proportions of the already healthy food that I have because of how scared I am of gaining weight, this leads me to have less energy throughout the day.
I lost weight in one week and a half.
Which I’m very proud of and hope to continue losing weight, I’m doing a diet which I forgot the name of meaning I skip breakfast everyday and only eat at 1pm and later at 6-7pm and then I’m done for the day with eating.
.
My goal in weight is to stay in the ‘underweight’ section when calculating my BMI because of how scared I am to gain weight.
I know that this mindset it bad but I can’t change it, I am to scared of gaining weight and feel so bad when I do.
Every time I eat a bit more calories in a specific day or a bit more on the unhealthy side, it feels like I can feel my body grow bigger in size and get fatter.
I get stressed to even get my weight measured because if I haven’t lost weight or stayed the same as a few days before, I lose my mind.
Whenever I put what I consumed into my calorie calculator app and see that it was too much I panic and feel guilty and will eat even smaller proportions the next day.
I find myself looking up the amount of calories that every single product has that I touch. I look up the lowest calorie choices on food menu’s and keep the tabs open just in case my family decides to get some fast food, so that I can order the low calorie products without taking an unusual amount of time to think about what I want.
When I have social events where food gets involved and I know that I’m forced to eat, I will come up with excuses days beforehand to not eat the whole meal or plate that they give me. I try to avoid added sugar and fat at all costs, whenever my whole family decides to order pizza (they know that I would like that too) I end up ordering a spaghetti or lasagna, something that has less fat and calories but also something that isn’t unusual like ordering a salad because I don’t want my family to know what I’m going through.
 
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Purpleplum

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 7, 2020
Messages
2,139
Location
nowhere
This restricting you're doing....ends up turning into binging from the deprivation you're doing. The thing is, to eat healthy and eat sweets if needing something but concentrate on health. Don't deprive yourself. There are also healthy sweets.
 
AnnaKay

AnnaKay

Member
Joined
Apr 27, 2021
Messages
11
Location
Swiss
Hello flavorjen,
did you know that if stars, move to close to a black hole it will be stretched like a membrane, also known as ‘spaghettification’.
Well, spaghetti are always a good choice.

Can I ask you some questions? Just some stuff I wished people asked me, when I was in your shoes. Do you ever feel detached from yourself? For example, when you imagine yourself eating these sweets or desserts. Do you feel like this is the real you or rather this is who you don't wanna be? Someone you even despise maybe.

With 14 years I was diagnosed with anorexia, before that I gradually ate less and less. Someday I lost concouisness and was taken to the hospital. After that I couldn't keep my hardship a secret from my family anymore, but I guess, they actually knew long before.

How does if feel around your family? For instance while eating pizza or spaghetti? Are you more concerned with the food or with how they percieve you while eating? And what about shame? Do you ever feel shameful, while eating in front of them or eating at all?

I can just tell from my experience, that my perants just wanted to help. As my parents found out, they didn't, as I had imagined, force me to eat, but rather they decided to let me eat how I wanted. However I needed to talk with them every evening about my feelings, food and my weight. They didn't set a goal for how much I needed to weigh, but they wanted to know my feelings.

At first I used their generosity to my advantage and ate less then before, till nothing at all. (Keep in mind, this is not a valuable goal). But as I sat down with them and actually tried to explain myself or justify my actions, I didn't really know what to say.

Yes, I wanted to lose weight. Yes, this was an ambitous goal for me. Yes, I thought a lot people around me were fat. And yes, this feeling of craving food was actually kind of enjoyable. But why? Was I really slim, or was I just slim next to a 'fat' person?

You said, you look at other people while eating. How do you feel when doing so? As if there was a major difference between you and them? I remember googling 'fat people' just to scroll down and compare myself with each one. It made me feel slimmer, never really slim, but slimmer. Do you know this feeling maybe? At work, college etc.

Feel free to write back, AnnaKay.
 
JessisMe

JessisMe

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 27, 2020
Messages
7,763
Location
Nashua NH
Hi flavorjen, it sounds less like you are struggling with your weight and more like you are struggling with an eating disorder. Eating disorders are very dangerous as they can ruin your body and people do die from them. I think it is important that you recognize how serious this disorder is. People die from what you are doing to yourself and how you are choosing to behave every single day. I think it would be good to talk with your doctor about what you have been going through with these eating habits you have developed. He may be able to refer you to a dietician or a counselor. Having a healthy weight is important for everyone for many different reasons and these kinds of professionals can help you get there. It’s best to not rely on your own judgments concerning this because they are distorted by the disorder. Place your trust in the hands of competent professionals. They are educated to be highly competent at what they are doing and have only your best interests in mind. xo, j
 

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