• Welcome! It’s great to see you. Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life.

    If you'd like to talk with people who know what it's like

Struggling with the internal battle.

Lavender_Rose

Lavender_Rose

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 12, 2020
Messages
1,252
Location
United States
I think I'm not doing well right now. I think I'm letting my anxiety and depression win cause I'm literally just done with the battle. I just took a leave from my job, I used the virus one that was available to me but honestly I'm just having a total spiral break down. I have these moments where I'm okay and ill.apply for other jobs because I just cant go back to mine. And then I have moment where I juat wanna give up, like why bother. But then I feel so much guilt because I feel so depression and defeated. I didnt sleep for almost 2 days but even now I'm only going on about 5 hours of sleep. I'm having a lot of panic attacks but trying to hide them the best I can. I keep waiting for good news about a few things so it can "save" me. But am I really that well off if anyone one small thing or another can send me to one side or the other. I really just wanna give up and it is only feeling of guilt and shame that stop me. So I'm stuck I a loop of just feeling miserable. I just want to vomit and then all the bad things inside me will be gone and I'll be "okay." I know it all sound so whiny. But I kinda just wanna get it off my chest because i feel like i can't talk about it. It like eating me up inside. For anyone who read all the way through this. Sorry for being a downer. I'm hoping maybe venting will help.
 
Lunar Lady

Lunar Lady

Well-known member
Forum Guide
Joined
Mar 19, 2019
Messages
10,676
Location
UK
Hi Lavender Rose,

So sorry to hear how much you're suffering right now.

I think sometimes we need a break from trying. Seriously.

Take the pressure off of yourself. The World is on 'pause' because of COVID-19 and if you can legitimately take some time to yourself during this - relax into it and stop thinking about the bigger picture.

Sometimes, I have to give myself mental 'time out'. I will decide that the next week is a complete break and just devote the time to looking after myself.

I have suffered crippling bouts of anxiety and depression. The more you think, the worse you feel. Your nervous system needs a break from the ongoing stress.

If it was me - I would give myself the next week 'off'. No decisions, no planning, no forward thinking. Put life on hold and focus on things that you enjoy and find relaxing. Your personal plans are made moot anyway as the World remains in flux. This is not a time to think about career changes because the opportunities aren't there.

Nurture yourself....come and chat and play with us... and take the week off mentally.

Sending you lots of love right now xxx
 
N

Nukelavee

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 17, 2019
Messages
2,896
Location
London, ON
Put life on hold and focus on things that you enjoy and find relaxing. Your personal plans are made moot anyway as the World remains in flux. This is not a time to think about career changes because the opportunities aren't there.
So much this. you need to sort out what has you feeling like this, but you need to get yourself feeling more stable and secure to effectively do that. So - self care. Indulge yourself in stuff you enjoy.

Also - get your daily routine sorted and made into a habit. Just a low key one. Like, make sure you get up in the morning, get dressed, make the bed, eat something. Maybe pick one chore a day, like dishes, laundry, or cleaning up part of a room (for me, it's about clearing off tables and such of pointless clutter). this will help you feel more normal and calm. It breaks up the day, lets you feel productive, and distracts you from your thoughts. It also gives you a boost, later, when you se what you accomplished, it validates you as a grown-up.

Plus, our surroundings can affect mood - weeks of doing nothing is reflected in our surroundings, and it reinforces our negative thoughts about ourselves.

And, vent here all you want. It really does help.
 
D

DC84

Active member
Joined
Apr 5, 2020
Messages
25
Location
Devon
I am not saying anything original or anything that has not already been said perfectly above but be easy on yourself for a little while. These are unprecedented times for everyone, its perfectly acceptable to feel like you do but equally so to take some time to wind down.

When I feel similarly to you it is often more productive to just stop and almost get out of my own way for a while. Spend some time on things that ease you and that don't demand too much of you. You may find that in time you are a bit more refreshed and able to manage better going forward. Be safe and well :)
 
Lavender_Rose

Lavender_Rose

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 12, 2020
Messages
1,252
Location
United States
Thank you everyone for some much kindness. I actually just got offered a job. But I think I'm gonna ask if I can start next week so I can take some me time. I've been shaking for 3 days straight. And have cried almost every day for a week. My work place had become so toxic and I think it has finally broken me. But I'm okay with them "winning" if it mean the other side of this is something better. This new job will pay more and I just have to decide between 2 shift really. Usually a new job petrified me, but the idea of escaping such a completely toxic environment is, currently, more powerful than my fear.
 
Lunar Lady

Lunar Lady

Well-known member
Forum Guide
Joined
Mar 19, 2019
Messages
10,676
Location
UK
Thank you everyone for some much kindness. I actually just got offered a job. But I think I'm gonna ask if I can start next week so I can take some me time. I've been shaking for 3 days straight. And have cried almost every day for a week. My work place had become so toxic and I think it has finally broken me. But I'm okay with them "winning" if it mean the other side of this is something better. This new job will pay more and I just have to decide between 2 shift really. Usually a new job petrified me, but the idea of escaping such a completely toxic environment is, currently, more powerful than my fear.
That's fantastic news.

You've done the right thing leaving a situation that made you miserable.

Yes - see if you can start in a week and take a mental holiday. You deserve it.

Well done and good luck xxx
 
JessisMe

JessisMe

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 27, 2020
Messages
5,173
Location
Nashua NH
I think I'm not doing well right now. I think I'm letting my anxiety and depression win cause I'm literally just done with the battle. I just took a leave from my job, I used the virus one that was available to me but honestly I'm just having a total spiral break down. I have these moments where I'm okay and ill.apply for other jobs because I just cant go back to mine. And then I have moment where I juat wanna give up, like why bother. But then I feel so much guilt because I feel so depression and defeated. I didnt sleep for almost 2 days but even now I'm only going on about 5 hours of sleep. I'm having a lot of panic attacks but trying to hide them the best I can. I keep waiting for good news about a few things so it can "save" me. But am I really that well off if anyone one small thing or another can send me to one side or the other. I really just wanna give up and it is only feeling of guilt and shame that stop me. So I'm stuck I a loop of just feeling miserable. I just want to vomit and then all the bad things inside me will be gone and I'll be "okay." I know it all sound so whiny. But I kinda just wanna get it off my chest because i feel like i can't talk about it. It like eating me up inside. For anyone who read all the way through this. Sorry for being a downer. I'm hoping maybe venting will help.
Venting is just another form of sharing your truth. It’s a truth that many of us share so don’t worry about being a downer. We are all in this together that’s what the site is for...
 
Lavender_Rose

Lavender_Rose

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 12, 2020
Messages
1,252
Location
United States
That's fantastic news.

You've done the right thing leaving a situation that made you miserable.

Yes - see if you can start in a week and take a mental holiday. You deserve it.

Well done and good luck xxx
It been a long time coming and they pushed me over the edge. I just hope I dont lose courage. Also I love the lion in you picture. So cute.💖
 
Top