- Apr 12, 2020
- United States
I think I'm not doing well right now. I think I'm letting my anxiety and depression win cause I'm literally just done with the battle. I just took a leave from my job, I used the virus one that was available to me but honestly I'm just having a total spiral break down. I have these moments where I'm okay and ill.apply for other jobs because I just cant go back to mine. And then I have moment where I juat wanna give up, like why bother. But then I feel so much guilt because I feel so depression and defeated. I didnt sleep for almost 2 days but even now I'm only going on about 5 hours of sleep. I'm having a lot of panic attacks but trying to hide them the best I can. I keep waiting for good news about a few things so it can "save" me. But am I really that well off if anyone one small thing or another can send me to one side or the other. I really just wanna give up and it is only feeling of guilt and shame that stop me. So I'm stuck I a loop of just feeling miserable. I just want to vomit and then all the bad things inside me will be gone and I'll be "okay." I know it all sound so whiny. But I kinda just wanna get it off my chest because i feel like i can't talk about it. It like eating me up inside. For anyone who read all the way through this. Sorry for being a downer. I'm hoping maybe venting will help.