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Struggling with partners depression/ SAD

M

minnie94

New member
Joined
Nov 19, 2019
Messages
3
Location
Newcastle upon Tyne, Tyne and Wear
Hey everyone.

I wanted to post a thread as I wanted to see if anyone can give me tips or advice on dealing with a partner with depression.

I've been with my partner for 4 years. Every year he goes through some really bad depression from about October - February. His mood drops very low and he struggles to make decisions, enjoy himself or do anything much other than sleep. He's told me that he's had thoughts of suicide and that he doesn't know what he wants in life anymore.
Every year around this time he says he starts to feel an emotional disconnect from everyone, including myself. He speaks to me regarding our relationship and will say things like he's not sure if he loves me and has thoughts about leaving. Often he'll say that the reason why is that he feels too guilty when we're together that he even has these thoughts or that he doesn't always feel like he wants to put effort in the relationship.

I'm finding it really difficult because I love him and I know for 8 months of the year we do have a great time together. He'll admit this himself even when depressed. It's just starting to feel difficult because sometimes it is hard to differentiate between whether it's his depression or if he really doesn't love me anymore. I feel like it is to do with his depression due to it being the same time every year and the way we are for the rest of the year, but I never know for sure. Unfortunately because this happens every year sometimes I feel like we're simply going around in circles and at this point every year I know I'm never going to be sure if the man I'm with is going to leave me.

I know what he's going through is horrible and I hate seeing him like this. I try and be as supportive as possible but it's starting to take a serious toll on me. He goes to counselling but so far that doesn't seem to have had much of an effect and he refuses to take meds due to disliking them in the past. Has anyone else ever experienced anything like this? If so, how did you manage it?

Thank you for your help xx
 
Fairy Lucretia

Fairy Lucretia

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 9, 2011
Messages
35,265
Location
Magical fairy wonderland xxxx
hi ,its good he is having counselling
its a shame he wont try meds as they might help
I think all you can do is be there for him like you are and also make sure to look after yourself
could you see the counsellor with him once or twice to go through coping strategies to put in place for this time of year?
also maybe try a SAD lamp?
welcome to the forum love Lu xxx
 
Amaterasu

Amaterasu

Active member
Joined
Nov 18, 2019
Messages
42
Location
UK
I can hear how much of a struggle the cycle is and it's good you are reaching out here. It can be really tough going supporting someone with depression (both my partner and i suffer with it) and the sense of being powerless to stop the spiral really sucks because all we want to do is help our loved ones out of the pit (and not get pulled in ourselves).
From what you said it does sound seasonal.

I would say also perhaps have his vitamin D levels checked and consider a vitamin d supplement as well as an SAD lamp as fairy lucretia suggested. I read somewhere that in the UK we really should be taking vitamin d supplements especially october-march or so as the nights draw in and we don't get enough sunlight to synthesise adequate levels by ourselves. Infact when i discussed tapering my antidepressant dosage with my gp she advised to wait until march in case of SAD making it harder mood-wise.
I have a spray one from better you that i use during winter.
Perhaps this coupled with counselling techniques would help bolster his mood a bit if he won't consider antidepressants.
A vitamin b complex probably wouldn't hurt either.
I hope that you find something that helps xx
 
M

minnie94

New member
Joined
Nov 19, 2019
Messages
3
Location
Newcastle upon Tyne, Tyne and Wear
hi ,its good he is having counselling
its a shame he wont try meds as they might help
I think all you can do is be there for him like you are and also make sure to look after yourself
could you see the counsellor with him once or twice to go through coping strategies to put in place for this time of year?
also maybe try a SAD lamp?
welcome to the forum love Lu xxx
Hi Fairy Lucreata,

Honestly thank you for replying because just having spoken to someone about this really helps.
He had a bad experience in the past with meds but won't try any other type of meds, I've tried to explain to him that for my physical health condition it took me trialling a lot of different meds to find the ones that worked but he can only focus on the negatives of medication and I feel like it's almost a lost cause.

I'm doing my best, I just find it hard emotionally to determine whether it's because he actually doesn't want to be with me or it's his depression pushing me away? Not sure if that makes sense.

I've suggested that to him before but he has said he doesn't want to as he feels like the problem is his so therefore his to deal with. However much I try to explain that I want to be here for him and support him, just like he does with me, he insists that he doesn't want the support and wants to 'fix himself'.

I bought him a SAD lamp but he pretty much laughed it away saying that it was stupid and something as simple as a lamp isn't going to 'fix his problems'. I tried explaining that it wasn't the purpose of the lamp but he didn't really take notice and has dismissed it as b"llshit, basically.

Thank you for making me feel so welcome! Like I said before it really just helps to talk with people about this and I appreciate your reply. Hope you're doing well, Minnie xx
 
M

minnie94

New member
Joined
Nov 19, 2019
Messages
3
Location
Newcastle upon Tyne, Tyne and Wear
I can hear how much of a struggle the cycle is and it's good you are reaching out here. It can be really tough going supporting someone with depression (both my partner and i suffer with it) and the sense of being powerless to stop the spiral really sucks because all we want to do is help our loved ones out of the pit (and not get pulled in ourselves).
From what you said it does sound seasonal.

I would say also perhaps have his vitamin D levels checked and consider a vitamin d supplement as well as an SAD lamp as fairy lucretia suggested. I read somewhere that in the UK we really should be taking vitamin d supplements especially october-march or so as the nights draw in and we don't get enough sunlight to synthesise adequate levels by ourselves. Infact when i discussed tapering my antidepressant dosage with my gp she advised to wait until march in case of SAD making it harder mood-wise.
I have a spray one from better you that i use during winter.
Perhaps this coupled with counselling techniques would help bolster his mood a bit if he won't consider antidepressants.
A vitamin b complex probably wouldn't hurt either.
I hope that you find something that helps xx
Hi,

Thank you so much for replying. I hope you and your partner are doing well.

I feel like our issues are seasonal but it's the case that when something happens so often you do start to question yourself? I have Schizoaffective disorder which also sometimes makes it difficult to think clearly that this is probably seasonal and will go away.

He does take vitamin d daily which at first seemed to be helping but unfortunately seems to have stopped working now. Like I said with the lamp thing he will literally laugh at me and say that it won't solve anything so won't try it consistently enough for it to work. I will suggest the spray though rather than the tablet form to see if that makes any difference, thank you for the tip.

I will suggest the vitamin b but could you please explain to me why that would help? I haven't heard of this so curious about the effect.

Thank you for your comment, hope you and your partner are doing well. I very much appreciate the reply and any input on this topic, thanks again. Minnie xx
 
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