Struggling with depression

[Leon]

Hello everyone,
I'm new to the forum, and wanted to sound off about my predicament.
I'm badly suffering from depression bought on by a house purchase which has turned into a nightmare. The house was in need of renovation, and I badly misjudged how much and am now in financial dire straits, and am now living in chaos.
I am a 47 year old single dad on a low wage, and my daughter is 20. My daughter is living with her boyfriends family due to the upheaval, and I feel that I have let her down badly
My depression is making me indecisive and I'm making poor decisions which are making things worse.
I feel totally trapped. I want to sell the house, and move back with my parents, but don't know what my daughter would do. There are issues with her and my mother, and it would be stressful to force them to live together. The house is proving to be a financial drain, and I'm worried that I won't be able to manage.
I'm scared for me and for my daughter.
I'm having suicidal thoughts, and am in so much pain, but know that my daughter needs me, so it's not an option - thankfully!
Though I know the reasons I'm beating myself up for making what seems like a disastrous decision to buy the house.

 

[telemetry9]

Remember that circumstances always change and this will change for you and your family also - that is a certainty. Try to stay calm and not let material "things" take over your life. Only give them the importance they deserve (not much) as they cannot take your life or who you are or do anything terrible to you - only if you allow them to have that importance and give them that power.

Everything happens for a reason and don't regret buying the house as this was a part of your journey - good or bad - you will learn a lot from it. It won't be failure if you lose the house simply another lesson learned. One day (sooner than you think); you will be able to look back at all this and realize it wasn't as important as it seemed at the time.

The things that are important you already know - your daughter and the people you love - yourself and your well being.

I think you should be proud of yourself for trying something new in buying the house - but its only bricks and mortar at the end of the day. Stay calm and take things one step at a time and when you are in trouble and doubt then ask someone for help - don't try to do it on your own unless you are sure in your heart and feel comfortable in taking those next steps.

I can empathize with you as i've been in similar situations but remember to look after yourself and don't feel responsible for your daughter so much - she's an adult now and has to take care of herself. Get rid of any feelings of guilt and be brave about your new future and face tomorrow as it comes - don't think too far ahead of what might be.

Instead of this being an ending - it will be a new beginning for you. The things that will fade will be those that weren't meant for you anyway and you will emerge a stronger and more experienced person for all of this. Instead of this being a mistake and a period of heartache it might turn out to be a part of your journey in life that you had to make in order to realize something about yourself.

I've had a lot of heartache in my life (I know there are people who had lots more); and I know what it is to lose things that seem valuable at the time. It's only later I realized how insignificant they really were.

God bless
robert.

 

[telemetry9]

Leon,

I found a wee website about people worried about making their mortgage repayments and the first response was to someone struggling to make their own payments. Seems like excellent advice.

The advice seems great to me - I'm sure you already have your own provisions but I thought I'd copy the link for you just in case.

http://www.creditchoices.co.uk/mortgage-repayments-ask-our-expert.html

God bless
robert.

 

[Leon]

Hi Robert,
Many thanks for the reply. Despite, my situation being quite complicated, your advice, has me feeling reassured and helped me put things in perspective.
I've been through this kind of episode before and come through, so no need for me to doubt that I'll come through this.

I think my dilemma revolves around doing the right thing for my daughter, with limited resources. I know she has problems of her own and but the crux of our predicament is how and to what extent she needs to stand on her own two feet. Not easy things to know the answers to.
I'm seeing a counsellor tomorrow who I've found has helped before, so I'm not alone.
thanks again.

 

[telemetry9]

I'm glad

 

[nina]

Hello Leon,

I have only just joined the forum..I am so glad I have.

I am 39 extremely unhappily married, we like you bit off too much to chew.

We struggled for three or four years financially only getting deeper into debt.

I have a 22 year old son from a previous relationship I like yourself have struggled with the guilt of seemingly letting our children down.

In june last year I made my husband make a decision. We handed our house back to the building society and went to the cab for help in being declared bankrupt.

I cannot say this enough seek help. We are now renting a nice house half the cost of our mortgage.
My problems I have now are to do with my marriage not financial .

Please if I can give you any help on the benefit of my experience I will gladly.

I know how sole destroying the pressure can be.

Good luck....no reason you cant start again ........seek advice its out there.

Nina

 

[Leon]

Thanks all for the kind words and advice.
I'm trying to make a go of this, and am at least functioning, although struggling. It seems to me that I've made myself feel worse by burying my head in the sand, and hoping that once we are moved into the house, I'll somehow manage, but now that I'm facing up the the reality of my situation, I'm feeling that I can at least cope.
I'm taking one day at a time.
Thanks

 

[Leon]

Hello Leon,

I have only just joined the forum..I am so glad I have.

I am 39 extremely unhappily married, we like you bit off too much to chew.

We struggled for three or four years financially only getting deeper into debt.

I have a 22 year old son from a previous relationship I like yourself have struggled with the guilt of seemingly letting our children down.

In june last year I made my husband make a decision. We handed our house back to the building society and went to the cab for help in being declared bankrupt.

I cannot say this enough seek help. We are now renting a nice house half the cost of our mortgage.
My problems I have now are to do with my marriage not financial .

Please if I can give you any help on the benefit of my experience I will gladly.

I know how sole destroying the pressure can be.

Good luck....no reason you cant start again ........seek advice its out there.

Nina

Thanks Nina, there is a CAB near work, so I'll arrange a visit.
I feel reassured by the idea of 'starting again' If I have to I will.

 

[Leon]

I've taken a couple of days of work to get the house in some kind of order. It's hard but I have to do it, and feel slightly better for doing things, even though I feel I've a mountain to climb.
I'm getting the house valued next week in the hope that the money that's been spent on it hasn't been wasted.
I'm keeping my options open, but would find it so hard to dissapoint my daughter who has always wanted a stable home environment.
I didn't mention but I was also studying a part-time Foundation degree in an attempt to further my career, but have decided to defer, which means one less pressure, on top of what are extreme pressures anyway.
If I'm learning anything it is to look after myself. I have my moments of thinking this mess can all come good (often after a few drinks!), but the depression has me all over the place sometimes.
If I've learned anything it is that I was easily pressured into making what for me were the wrong decisions, by those around me, and I've learned a hard lesson, but at least I'm learning.
Hoping something good will come out of all this. The future seems uncertain, but how I cope, will determine what the future is for me and my daughter.

Thanks again for the replies.
Love to you all

 

[intelgal]

Glad you are taking one thing at a time on the road to getting things sorted. dont forget to take some time out for yourself and not worrk about letting eveyone else down.

take care
Intel

 

[TOONAFISH]

leon good to here you are feeling a bit better about things. good luck x