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Struggling with depression after losing my wife, my mother, business

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onceagain

New member
Joined
Nov 11, 2018
Messages
2
Hello Everyone,

I now need to reach out and get some support as I have been struggling for a long time with depression and is not getting much better.
Basically the love of my wife whom I have given up everything for left me and found someone else a few weeks after my mother died. My mother was the only one I could talk to about such things but she is no longer with us sadly.

Short story:
I married my wife 6 years ago, I met her overseas and she came to my country so we got married, I promised her that one day we would move back to her country of origin where I was also born as her family was very important to her. I had a very successful business and a great life. We planned a family together, I knew from the first moment she was the one I've been waiting for all my life and she said just the same.
All started out nicely and people thought we were a dream couple.
I started preparing our lives for the big move, thinking day and night about how to prepare financially so we survive on the long run etc. This was my main focus so I keep my promise to her and still live happily and start a family. During this time (about 2 years) I became depressed as it was a big task to handle and I was about to give up my life's work.
Finally I did it, sold the business etc organised the move to overseas. She needed to stay behind for a few months for work. I left, bought our house, the dog car etc as we planned. I was still a little depressed but getting better, financially it was challenging. Two months after I left the country she decided she wasn't sure in our relationship anymore. I got on a plane and came back to see her and to fix it up. She was furious at first that I came to see her! However It worked I managed to save us, she also arrived months later and started our new life of what we have dreamed of together.
Unfortunately 3 months later she left me just weeks after my mother died. I was left with the house the dog and a financial mess that I am struggling to get out of.

Her reasons were that she was never actually happy and now she says we were never really a good match. She would not even try to fix it as she says she has given us many chances before (which I wasn't aware of). She said she was depressed too but it seems not so much as she found someone already.

This happened 8 months ago and I still cannot get over it I get sever depression, emptiness, feeling dead inside every time I think about it or hear about her. I still deeply love her and now I feel I have no chance to have a family ever because I turned 40 I had to leave my country due to the financial mess I was left in so I now work elsewhere to build my life back up again from 0. This means I will not be able to meet anyone in the country where I wanted to live and raise a family.

So basically she left me because I was depressed for too long trying to deliver her what I promised which I did and given up everything for her and my life's work. Now I am left with nothing and cannot even go home.

I don't know why I still miss her very much after all this but often when I get depressed I blame myself too for this mess. I try to meet positive people, exercise daily, work a a lot to keep my mind off her but it keeps coming back and it gets worse each time.

I dated lots of girls but I cannot get close to them I feel like I am cheating on her.

I feel extremely alone and empty and given up hope that I will ever have a family.

I do not know what to do to get over her and the depression t comes with.

Thank you or reading.
 
SunnyDaze

SunnyDaze

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 11, 2017
Messages
2,135
Location
USA
Hi there.Your story really made me sad.I'm sorry that you're hurting so much.Have you sought out the help of a professional for this?That might be a good idea,someone that can help you get yourself back on track.

Hugs
 
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onceagain

New member
Joined
Nov 11, 2018
Messages
2
Hi and thanks, yes I went to see the same professional that she went to see when she wanted to get over me in the shortest possible time.
Did not help one bit, the person said now that she knows me too she understands why I did everything because we were a very rare and good match. Which I agree with and that is one of the reasons why I am so deeply sad because I waited all my life to find her and I know I will not find a similar person in this lifetime.
The doctor said simply she was not ready for what I had to give, she could not handle it as she has not grown up yet which I agree with, this is due to her mother's overly caring/protecting ways which is a little too much. She knows this of herself too. Everyone says she will regret things in time but that won't help me.
 
SunnyDaze

SunnyDaze

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 11, 2017
Messages
2,135
Location
USA
Maybe seeing a different professional might be a good idea?
 
D

Dulcie

Guest
Hello onceagain and welcome to MH. :)

I am very sad for your loss, but one thing stands out is that your bereavement counselling may have been too short. Grief cannot be rushed. Maybe during the chaos of your wife's leaving left your feelings in a state of limbo: where your feelings did not have enough time to work their way through on a day-by-day, then a week-by-week way that importantly we need to do. Perhaps this is why lately you have been feeling so acutely alone, therefore missing your wife so terribly.

I hope your are following your feelings, ie. if you feel sad and need a cry, find a safe place to do so, it may release some of your emotions. If you feel angry find a place to release your anger safely, a brisk walk, some gardening or other exercise might help. But I am wondering if you should change your bereavement counsellor to another - maybe change to a therapist because there seems to be so much left which needs to be worked through. A therapist could help you work through these feelings, using CBT.

Would this be something that you feel you could do?
 
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