H
hiddenharvestmouse
Well-known member
Hi, this is my first post and i apologise if its long, i dont know how long ive suffered with anxiety, but its got worse and worse over the last 5 or so years, and its really getting me down. I wish i could go back to how i was years ago, without the anxiety.
Ive always been shy but that was just personality, id say i was shy but not to the point where it was a social disorder, i got through school, college and university. But over the last 7 years my confidence and self esteem have been shattered, and there was also the fact that alcohol played a part in my life.
A few years ago i started drinking more and more, to give me confidence, and to help me feel good, id go on massive binges and then feel like a complete wreck on a monday morning. My confidence gradually ebbed away, and i have low self esteem. I now would say i have some sort of anxiety/social disorder.
Ive gone back to college, and tried to do the things i want to, but the anxiety, and disorder has got worse and worse. ITs not even because of the drink now, ive stopped having drink binges now, only have the odd pint. But the feelings of anxiety come and go. But stopping the binges has helped reduce my anxiety fears and i do have more control.
For instance today i had what i call a 'meltdown' at college today, i was sat in classroom and all of a sudden felt anxious and thought everyone was staring at me, then felt twitchy, and then felt like i was going to cry right there, it was awful, i could feel my expression and it was terrible. I just let it pass, but it does happen, i cant stop it.
Sometimes I get it in situations where im driving, and feel nervous, in stopped traffic, i want to be invisible, heaven forbid i would ever draw attention to myself. I hate it when people talk to me as well, sometimes i just get by, but other times i just cant be comfortable and and squirming.
I thought i was getting a bit better, and some days i do manage to get through a day like a normal person, without the awkward moments, l but they are rare. Sometimes my confidence comes back fleetingly, but it goes so quickly. Also now, im constantly thinking about the anxiety, and then i think 'what if i have another meltdown', and it makes it worse.
Ive tried reading books, and took some positive techniques from the books, but its just not that easy sometimes and when you have a bad day all you want to do is hide away from the whole world, even my family. On a bad day it can take me ages to syke myself up to do something simple like go to the shop, or fill my car up with petrol. On a good day, i am like my old self but its just so up and down from day to day.
One reason i think my confidence/self esteem is so low is ive never had a proper relationship. Ive only had a few drunken one night stands, and the fact that im 27 and still not had a proper girlfriend gets me down. Its like a constant reminder that im not normal. It never used to bother me, when i was say 21, i thought im still young and just thought it would happen, but it just never has.
Im so up and down, and im struggling, i was on medication last year, it did not help me much but i dont want to be back on it anyway. I think that i have to change my life to improve confidence and self esteem.
If anyone can relate to this id like to hear from them, any other comments are welcome.
Ive always been shy but that was just personality, id say i was shy but not to the point where it was a social disorder, i got through school, college and university. But over the last 7 years my confidence and self esteem have been shattered, and there was also the fact that alcohol played a part in my life.
A few years ago i started drinking more and more, to give me confidence, and to help me feel good, id go on massive binges and then feel like a complete wreck on a monday morning. My confidence gradually ebbed away, and i have low self esteem. I now would say i have some sort of anxiety/social disorder.
Ive gone back to college, and tried to do the things i want to, but the anxiety, and disorder has got worse and worse. ITs not even because of the drink now, ive stopped having drink binges now, only have the odd pint. But the feelings of anxiety come and go. But stopping the binges has helped reduce my anxiety fears and i do have more control.
For instance today i had what i call a 'meltdown' at college today, i was sat in classroom and all of a sudden felt anxious and thought everyone was staring at me, then felt twitchy, and then felt like i was going to cry right there, it was awful, i could feel my expression and it was terrible. I just let it pass, but it does happen, i cant stop it.
Sometimes I get it in situations where im driving, and feel nervous, in stopped traffic, i want to be invisible, heaven forbid i would ever draw attention to myself. I hate it when people talk to me as well, sometimes i just get by, but other times i just cant be comfortable and and squirming.
I thought i was getting a bit better, and some days i do manage to get through a day like a normal person, without the awkward moments, l but they are rare. Sometimes my confidence comes back fleetingly, but it goes so quickly. Also now, im constantly thinking about the anxiety, and then i think 'what if i have another meltdown', and it makes it worse.
Ive tried reading books, and took some positive techniques from the books, but its just not that easy sometimes and when you have a bad day all you want to do is hide away from the whole world, even my family. On a bad day it can take me ages to syke myself up to do something simple like go to the shop, or fill my car up with petrol. On a good day, i am like my old self but its just so up and down from day to day.
One reason i think my confidence/self esteem is so low is ive never had a proper relationship. Ive only had a few drunken one night stands, and the fact that im 27 and still not had a proper girlfriend gets me down. Its like a constant reminder that im not normal. It never used to bother me, when i was say 21, i thought im still young and just thought it would happen, but it just never has.
Im so up and down, and im struggling, i was on medication last year, it did not help me much but i dont want to be back on it anyway. I think that i have to change my life to improve confidence and self esteem.
If anyone can relate to this id like to hear from them, any other comments are welcome.