Struggling with a partner who has depression and anxiety

C

Clarky1234

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#1
ive been with my partner on and off for 5 years, it has been an enormous roller coaster of emotions, happiness, sadness and fear.
From the beginning it was obvious he had some sort of alcohol addiction and extreme mood swings ranging from depression to believing he could conquer the world. He was not very good with money so I had to deal with all our finances as he would rather go the pub and drink as he claimed it stopped the racing thoughts in his head.
Eventually it all got too much for me and 3 years in I asked him to leave, then things got dramatically worse, he bombarded me with begging messages and emails, notes through the door, driving round my village,
Sleeping in his van near my house, he threatened suicide 9 times and attempted it on 3 occasions including once outside my living room window while I was on the phone to the police waiting for them to come to my aid.
I agreed to meet him after the last attempt and agreed to get back with him on the condition he got help, I also went myself to get him help but they just said it was domestic violence and put me under the domestic violence unit.
I have seen him high and I've seen him low, I've seen him cry and I've seen him so angry that he looks about to explode.
He has said and done some awful things to me both privately and publicly on social media although he claims to not remember most of it, he has lost his license for drink driving and sometimes sits and talks to himself.
He is now seeing a counsellor and a psychoanalyst and he tells me that they have told him he suffers with anxiety and depression.
My question is this how people behave with anxiety and depression and how do other partners cope with it, I feel emotionally and physically drained and scared of what the future will bring.
I must add that I do love this guy just not some of the things he does.
 
Drooo

Drooo

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#2
He would most likely have seen a psychiatrist and would have been diagnosed by them. From a psychiatric assessment/evaluation he would likely have moved on to counselling. I'm assuming he has at least been arrested or in hospital before due to his problems? If so then he would have seen a psychiatrist for sure.
The claim of seeing a psychoanalyst strikes me as odd. It's certainly not something I've heard many people claim to have in the UK. Are you in the UK or elsewhere?

I would strongly suspect that he's been diagnosed with more than anxiety and depression too, although that is only a suspicion as I don't know nearly enough about him. Do you think he is capable of lying about something if he thinks it might scare you off? Say, if he had been diagnosed with Schizophrenia or Bipolar or something?
 
C

Clarky1234

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#3
Hi thank you for your reply, I have always thought he has bi polar tbh but he is adamant that it isn't, he could be lying because he does lie about a lot of things, he has been arrested numerous times as when he is in a rage or hyper he can be very reckless and have no regard for the law and he's also been sectioned, sorry I've just checked his appt letter and it says psychologist getting my words muddled up.
I just find it difficult to believe that anxiety and depression can make you do the extreme things he does that's why I decided to join a forum and see if other people with anxiety and depression display the same time of behaviour and if anything improves it.
Thanks again for your reply
 
Drooo

Drooo

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#4
Okay.
Well, I'm no doctor, but to me that's definitely much more than anxiety and depression. Both of those things tend to make people withdraw and shut down; he sounds like, at times, he goes the other way completely.
I would say to ask him but if he lies regularly then you're not going to get the truth by the sounds of it. If he was diagnosed with Bipolar would that make you want to leave him or not?
 
Anon_21

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#5
I agree with Drooo, this definitely sounds like more than just anxiety and depression.
Regardless of his diagnosis, I think the important thing for you is to think about your safety. It sounds like a very tumultuous relationship, and if he is putting you in physical or even emotional harm, there is nothing wrong with leaving. Threatening/attempting suicide in order to make you stay is manipulative and unhealthy. I hope he is able to get the help he needs and that you stay safe :hug1:
 
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Clarky1234

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#7
Thank you for all your answers.
If he was diagnosed with bi polar and he took the help required to get better then no I don't think I would.
At the moment he seems to be doing quite well but as I've seen too many times before this can change very rapidly and he can go off at a tangent and start drinking, behaving recklessly and well just almost become another person, the police and my support worker both claim he is a highly
Manipulative person, especially with me..
Living like this has given me anxiety as I never know what to expect next.
I will live in the hope that he remains on an upward spiral and takes all the help that he can for both our sakes.
 
Drooo

Drooo

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#8
That's good but I would urge to ask him for the truth about his diagnosis just so you can get some clarity and you can know what you're dealing with.
For example, if he is Bipolar then you'll know that he needs to stay on his medication. You'll know that certain things may be triggers for manic episodes or depressive episodes and you'll be able to help guide and support him to stay with the good and steer clear of the bad influences. It would also help the trust in the relationship I think if he admitted that he had (what we suspect he has) rather than sticking to what appears to be a bit of a lie in saying it's just anxiety and depression.

I imagine that as things stand you don't have much input about these things because he won't let you or is too secretive about them?
 
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Clarky1234

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#9
That's good but I would urge to ask him for the truth about his diagnosis just so you can get some clarity and you can know what you're dealing with.
For example, if he is Bipolar then you'll know that he needs to stay on his medication. You'll know that certain things may be triggers for manic episodes or depressive episodes and you'll be able to help guide and support him to stay with the good and steer clear of the bad influences. It would also help the trust in the relationship I think if he admitted that he had (what we suspect he has) rather than sticking to what appears to be a bit of a lie in saying it's just anxiety and depression.

I imagine that as things stand you don't have much input about these things because he won't let you or is too secretive about them?
Thank you for your reply yet again.

Well after the good behaviour comes the blow out.
So yesterday he had all these ideas of grandeur so I guessed things would go wrong, he then started to drink mid afternoon, another bad sign.
After drinking quite a lot of alcohol and rambling to me a load of things I know aren't true - for example I have £6500 saved in the bank and im going to buy some machinery so that I can set my own business up, my business will be so successful because im amazing at what I do I could become one of the biggest companies in England- when I know he doesn't have any money. He then decided he would drive to another village to get a takeaway he wanted me to go with him, I said I wouldn't because he had been drinking and that I didn't want him to drive either, he just got irate with me and got in his van and drove off, he returned about an hour later shouted at me some more, then got back in his van and drove up and down the street afew times, then returned again, he then started banging his hand on his head and saying I didn't love him because I hadn't got in the van with him and that I ruined his life, jumped in his van for the third time and drove off, then sent me a few messages saying it was best we called it a day as I didn't love him etc etc, and I haven t heard from him since, neither has he been on line since - this is the norm I must add, im guessing he will of gone to his mothers, he wont go to work for the next couple of days and then in a few days he will message asking to come back, saying we are like a pair of swans (who only ever have one partner and when the partner dies the remaining swan dies of a broken heart) etc etc.
I am of the same opinion as you that this is not just anxiety and depression but is something else like bi polar, I have asked him if I can meet the counsellor but he says that I m not able to as I would also like to see if the information he tells her is true, because im guessing that you have to tell them the truth to some extent for them to be able to correctly diagnose you.

Total nightmare really.
 

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