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Struggling to support my partner

Y

Yellowbird

New member
Joined
Jul 8, 2018
Messages
4
Hi, I'm new here. My partner has suffered with depression for many years, we have been together just over a year and for the last two months he has been back on his medication.
I'm just really struggling to support him. I feel like I've tried everything. I suggest going for walks and he says yes but then when it comes to it he'll snap at me telling me to stop pushing him to do things.
When we go out as a family (me and my son, him and his two sons) to any kind of family gathering he gets very on edge, which I understand, I'll take charge with the children,and try and let him enjoy the day and relax, but then if any of the children do something he doesn't like or agree with he just snaps and says we're all going home ( for example today, at a christening, my son was tired so wanted to sit on my knee, my partner got really angry saying that he shouldn't wake up so early in the morning and that I mard him etc so we ended up going home) it's not always aimed at me and my son but there always seems to be something (trivial to me) that really gets to him. And it always seems to be when at family gatherings or when we are out as a whole family, and it really upsets me that the children witness this (they are ages 4,5 and 10) and they do understand when we argue and we get upset.
How can I go about this with him, his eldest son (10) doesn't stay with us very often anymore and deep down I feel like it could be because of this, I don't think he's spoke to him son about his depression, so should that be a starting point? But also the younger two pick up on things to, and are basically being told off for just being children at times and I don't know how to stop this from happening. I love my partner and can't imagine my life without him, but right now I feel I have to put the children first. So should I confront him, and how do I go about it?
Please help!
 
Anon_21

Anon_21

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 24, 2018
Messages
1,653
Location
US
Hi, I'm sorry you are going through this. I'm the one struggling in my family and my husband is the one being supportive and helpful. But I am very irritable and snappy too, and my anxiety sky rockets when we have to go out in public anywhere with our daughter. So I can relate and worry about how it affects my daughter as well (shes 3).

Sometimes it is helpful to write what you need to say in a letter. That way you can give it to him when he is calm and has time to read it in peace and reflect on the words rather than getting defensive and/or starting an argument.

You seem to care about him and your family very much, so tell him that. Tell him that you worry about him and want him to get better because you love him, and gently present your worries about what the kids are seeing. Try not to make him feel guilty or to blame him for anything, but let him know you would like him to get help with his depression. That's how I would want my husband to approach me .

Best of luck to you, hope you find some resolution :hug:
 
Mayflower7

Mayflower7

Well-known member
Moderator
Joined
Jan 4, 2013
Messages
9,870
Location
England
Hi,
Welcome to the forum
Sorry your partner has depression, has he had any treatments or therapy?
I was very irritable and letting life pass me by. I have found medication helpful in controlling my moods.
I hope he gets better soon, as it's not fair on you and the children.
I am much more positive.
Lots of people get better.
Here to listen.
Take care
 
Y

Yellowbird

New member
Joined
Jul 8, 2018
Messages
4
Thank you Anon, this sounds like a very good idea, I will definitely try this one.
Thank you xx
 
Y

Yellowbird

New member
Joined
Jul 8, 2018
Messages
4
Hi Mayflower, yes he's on medication but refused therapy sessions, he has friends that also suffer with depression and he will talk to them a lot about how he's feeling. He does openly tell me if he's feeling down generally but it seems when the anxiety starts he can't control it 😔
 
Anon_21

Anon_21

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 24, 2018
Messages
1,653
Location
US
Your husband sounds a lot like me. The depression I can handle/medicate for, but the anxiety tears me up.

Were you able to confront him about anything? Feel free to pm me if you need to. Hope things improve for you soon, x
 
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