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Struggling to stay on track

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Nells91

Member
Joined
Apr 14, 2016
Messages
9
I've been struggling with anxiety and depression for a long while now. It's affecting my daily life, my job and my marriage. I've never actually realised how much I had lost my way in life until now.

My husband and I had a huge fight the other day regarding this, he thinks I'm lazy, have no interests and rely on him to make me feel better. He walked out and I went to stay at my parents for a few days. During this time we've sorted things out via phonecall and he's agreed to give it another go. We agreed to give each other some space though so I'm still at my parents at the moment but plan on going home tomorrow.

I've used my time on my own to realise that I had completely lost myself and forgotten the person I used to be and have decided that needs to change. I've joined the gym, started eating better and trying to think more positively towards myself. I need to learn to like myself again.

When I called my husband today however he didn't sound too happy when I told him that i would be coming home tomorrow. He didnt say he didnt want me home but didnt say he did either. This has got me worried that he's going to go back on his word and throw our marriage away. This is the first time we've ever had a fight this serious so I feel that to not even try to work through it would be unfair.

I'm trying to stay out my own head and not go through the usual panic and always think of the worst possible scenario which is why I've ended up on this forum. If it's down in black and white then it's out my head.

Just feel I need someone to talk to other than my nervous negative self in my head.
 
Foxjo

Foxjo

Well-known member
Moderator
Joined
Jan 2, 2012
Messages
6,763
Location
Teesside
Hi.
It's awful when you realise that you have lost your self. It's hard to understand sometimes where you have gone to. It sounds to me that you are going in the right direction with regards to finding yourself again.

Your husband needs to be on board. Does he really know how low you have been feeling. Depression is not laziness. You can't help the way you are feeling.

Can you get help also from outside of your family circle? Talking therapies can really help and you can access this through your doctor.

Please keep talking to your husband. Communication is so important.
Hugs
fox
 
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Nells91

Member
Joined
Apr 14, 2016
Messages
9
Hi, thanks for your comment.

I've been seeing a counsellor for the past few weeks to help me manage my anxiety. It has been helping a lot, it's allowed me to deal with the little things a lot better and has given me a better focus to work towards dealing with the bigger things.

I think it just got too much for my husband to cope with and to be honest the whole thing opened my eyes and shocked me into realising how much I'd let myself go. He says he's worried that it's him that's bringing me down, which is totally not the case. I reassured him of this and promised he'd see a change in me.

He is supportive but I think he just doesn't know what else to do. I suppose time will tell. He'll be able to see me changing and I'm determined to climb out of this hole I've got myself stuck in.

Really appreciate your reply.
x
 
Bizzarebitrary

Bizzarebitrary

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 17, 2018
Messages
430
Location
California, US
Hi. You're talking steps to address the mental illnesses that have caused such difficulties in your life. It's not easy for anyone to begin treatment for depression and anxiety. You deserve some compassion and credit for this.

In your story you didn't mention medication to help you manage depression and anxiety. If you haven't already, I suggest you consider what's available. Most people find greater relief from both therapy and medication than just one or the other.

Let us know how you're doing and please be patient with yourself. Relief and recovery is a process.
 
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Nells91

Member
Joined
Apr 14, 2016
Messages
9
Hi, thanks for your comment.
I've been on beta blockers (propranolol) since just before Christmas as I kept taking bad panic attacks. They seem to have really helped as I've not had one since.

They help to deal with the physical aspect of the anxiety which gives me more of a chance to deal with whats going on in my head.

I know myself that I'm on the right track and I am so determined to make the changes I need, I just have a wobble every now and then and the negative thoughts come creeping back. It's a long journey, need to just take it one step at a time.
 
GaryC123

GaryC123

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 6, 2016
Messages
98
I think it's great that you are taking positive steps to change for the better. Exercise and eating better are great ideas! Keep the focus and fight through this trying time! I'll be rooting for you.
 
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