Struggling to ignore head

[mami5]

My head keeps telling me to die, and makes it sound like it is a good idea. It has me convinced. Living like this is no life worth having. I'm struggling with it all as it gets louder and stronger. I'm scared what it will make me do.

 

[OmniscientNihilist]

personally im not against suicide. but i almost offed myself once then didnt and years later my life got alot better and i was glad i didnt do it.

you can slowly make your life better bit my bit. and eventually all those little bits add up to a big difference. poeple often overlook those little things, and think they dont matter but they do. so never hesitate to make one small improvement in your life. no matter how small. and over the years you life will become alot better. and that betterment will grow exponentially and allow even more betterment.

 

[Talula67]

My head keeps telling me to die, and makes it sound like it is a good idea. It has me convinced. Living like this is no life worth having. I'm struggling with it all as it gets louder and stronger. I'm scared what it will make me do.

I really struggle to switch my head off wanting to end the pains and suffering of life sometimes and quite regularly get suicidal thoughts ... It's frightening how strong they come . I don't want my daughter to suffer losing her mum as I know that losing your mum hurts real bad , so that kind of helps me switch my mind over to things I'm grateful for.

I start being grateful for small things and try and help someone else which takes me out of self centered thinking
and doom and gloom. My
little dog is my lifesaver ... She comforts me loads. If I took my life she would miss me I'm sure .
It's hard sometimes. I try and help others.

 

[Talula67]

 

[mami5]

I guess that sums me right up Talula

I do try and stay positive and appreciate the little things in life. My kids, dog and cat are my world and I'd hate to hurt them, but when things get really bad and the voices get stronger and louder then I don't care about anyone or anything else.....I just want to die. It scares me. My BPD makes me impulsive and I don't trust myself.

 

[dewey]

I guess that sums me right up Talula

I do try and stay positive and appreciate the little things in life. My kids, dog and cat are my world and I'd hate to hurt them, but when things get really bad and the voices get stronger and louder then I don't care about anyone or anything else.....I just want to die. It scares me. My BPD makes me impulsive and I don't trust myself.

Sorry to hear you are feeling this, Mami5. I'm sorry that feeling this way frightens you, and I can relate to it.
Maybe you want to do something that is meaningful to you with your existence? Have you thought about what is meaningful?
I'm not here to convert you, but finding strength in meditation, prayer and God also helped me. Have you tried any of that kind of thing?
I really hope you feel better soon.

 

[mami5]

Thank you dewey, I am currently doing a degree course with the Open University which keeps me busy. I'm doing it part time over 6 years and am on year 4 at the moment.

I'm not at all religious so I don't turn to all that stuff for help.

Today has been a good day. Two of my sons came round so I had my youngest 3 with me. They've gone back home now.

 

[OmniscientNihilist]

View attachment 40592

back when i was a kid, and i realized i lived in an abusive household, i remember thinking to myslf im going to be different then the rest. i knew that much. but i didnt know how.

later my life was in shambles and i ended up homeless and devoted my life to reaching spiritual-enlightenment

 

[dewey]

Thank you dewey, I am currently doing a degree course with the Open University which keeps me busy. I'm doing it part time over 6 years and am on year 4 at the moment.

I'm not at all religious so I don't turn to all that stuff for help.

Today has been a good day. Two of my sons came round so I had my youngest 3 with me. They've gone back home now.

Hey there Mami5.
You're welcome! If you're working on a degree and you've made it to year 4 of 6 that's super positive, and shows just how far you can come. It also shows a real willingness to seek out new ventures for yourself. I think that shows just how strong you are, in spite of your feeling ill.
It's also great you've got to see your children and they must be a great source of joy.
I know it's hard to see these good things at all, when you're feeling low, but please, give yourself a pat on the back more regularly.

 

[mami5]

Don't feel too good. Head wants me to die. It is loud and strong. Scared.

 

[DomesticatedHouseMouse2019]

My head keeps telling me to die, and makes it sound like it is a good idea. It has me convinced. Living like this is no life worth having. I'm struggling with it all as it gets louder and stronger. I'm scared what it will make me do.

The same thing has been happening to me all week and my energy feels lower . Do you smoke cannabis ? I ask because I noticed when I don't smoke and when I first wake up thats when I'm at my worst but then I smoke and im level again . I don't take the pharmaceuticals because I noticed I got worse but once I took those chemicals out of the equation and switched to medical cannabis it helped a lot . I also got into meditation . You are worth every millisecond btw

 

[mami5]

I don't smoke, no. Glad it helps you.

 

[DomesticatedHouseMouse2019]

There are different forms of the thc . But just trying to help on what I know works for me . Which yes might not work for everyone but gotta start somewhere love .

 

[Vegay]

My head keeps telling me to die, and makes it sound like it is a good idea. It has me convinced. Living like this is no life worth having. I'm struggling with it all as it gets louder and stronger. I'm scared what it will make me do.

Hello,
I feel this kind of way too, it comes and goes but is there more often than not. I hope you are able to feel differently. Please use the forum to talk.

 

[Talula67]

@mami5 how are you feeling today?