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Struggling to get my life back together after grief - ive lost everything and i dont know what to do

S

Somethinguninventive

Member
Joined
Feb 26, 2019
Messages
7
Location
United Kingdom
So it's a long story, but in a nutshell
I'm an empath
My upbringing was shit, all of my ex's have been mega abusive
I've been depressed since I was a child and have always viewed myself in a negative light
I've had some really horrible things happen to me but I managed to cope

But back in Sept 2018 I found out my ex had killed himself, I then lost another 5 people in a few months to suicide/murder/accidents. I'd never really dealt with death before so it's been extremely difficult
I had to quit my job and I have been off work for 6 months now.
If I'm honest, I don't feel like myself anymore and i don't even know who I was or how to get back there
All my friends have drifted or straight up cut me off
My dad hates being around me and I'm currently trying to get my own place cuz he wants me gone
The situation with my boyfriend is so fucked that I don't even know where to begin, but I very much doubt he's going to stick around much longer

TW - I have no idea wtf to do with myself anymore and i feel like atm I either just want to get a loan or some shit and just fuck off somewhere, or I'm probably going to end up killing myself

I see my GP on a regular basis, I've just started seeing a psychologist as therapy and psychiatrists don't know what to do with me or I'm not high priority enough as I haven't made an attempt on my life before. And been signed up to group therapy
I'm going to try it obviously but it's just a whole lot of waiting around in hope that these things might help but I think that my circumstances are always going to make me feel like this

I don't know what to do or how to feel
I just sit in my room crying 90% of the time

I need help
I need to get away
 
blacksmoke

blacksmoke

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 26, 2015
Messages
9,385
Location
basketville
hello
Somethinguninventive

Gosh sounds very instense what is happening in your life. As for getting back to yourself I think that these experiences have changed you and it might be better if you tried to forge a new you.

People cant cope with bereavement whatever sort. That is an unfortunate fact of life whether that is ourselves in regards to others or others towards us.

Sounds like you do need a new start as everything sounds broken around you. Time to start a new. Cant pour old wine into new wineskins.

You seem to know intuitively what you need and that is good but yeah a bad situation all around and you wouldn’t be normal if you didn’t feel like you are at the moment.

Really sorry that things are so tough hang on in there
 
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