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Struggling to get Better

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crew90

New member
Joined
May 9, 2017
Messages
2
I'm on here for the first time hoping to get thoughts from people that may know what I'm going through. I've experienced depression many times and usually can come out of it, feel compassion for myself, and do great things. But this time I feel incredibly guilty for falling so deep into depression and the guilt is so crippling it's hard for me to live a normal life and get over this.

The issue with my depression is that I go from a very high functioning, productive, talented person, social, and feeling worthy, to someone who lives a very pathetic and dysfunctional lifestyle. I was in the middle of finishing my last year of my Masters when in between the holidays I suddenly felt like everything was pointless, it was like a light just switched in my head (this happened after a very stressful two weeks). I literally woke up and just thought, "what's the point in what I'm doing, what's the point in life at all" and everything went down hill from there. I ended up getting by and passing my masters. I've been to a psychiatrist and despite my experience kind of sounding bi-polar I've been told that I'm not bi-polar but may be on the spectrum.

at this point, I spend almost all of my day in bed, just watching youtube videos or movies. I have things to do but I don't do them because the moment I start I'm overwhelmed and filled with anxiety and sadness from poor decisions I feel I've made that have led me to this point. And then I feel even worse because of the shame of staying in bed all day when I'm a physically healthy and able person. I recognize that logistically my strategy is completely flawed, I'm on an endless loop of self-sabotage but I can't seem to get out of it. I just feel so guilty for being what I feel is a lazy, stupid and weak person that has squandered what good potential I had.

How do you move on from making just plain dumb mistakes?
 
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SJLPHII

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 26, 2017
Messages
115
Well, to move on from making plain dumb mistakes, is to keep on making them until you realize how little weight it has on you, or the people around you.

The more you spend time on thinking about past mistakes, the more likely you are going to make the same and/or new ones because you aren't paying attention to now. Just keep at it, with your head up. You'll get through one mistake, and you will always make another, everyone will. Just try to be more cautious to now.
 
C

crew90

New member
Joined
May 9, 2017
Messages
2
Thank you for your response. I totally agree with that, it's only logical. But what if I've been making these mistakes for years and it's now led my life so far off course I can never get back what could have been an incredible and fulfilling life? I feel ashamed for succumbing to my fears for so many years that now it's seems futile because I'll have to settle for mediocrity and sub-par contentment.
 
S

SJLPHII

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 26, 2017
Messages
115
Remember that you're a human. You are an amazing creature who can do many amazing things. Regardless of how much of a rut you are put into, you WILL climb out of it, if you work hard enough.

This is something I learned among some of the most amazing people I've met and some of the darkest moments in my life. The worst possible in the world to us right now, will be something to laugh at in the future, we will progress, and becoming something else each day.

For an instance, I knew a man, he was in his late 40's He weighed 500lbs, he wanted to join the army, so he lost 300 lbs and went through a few surgeries to get some skin removed and I met him during my basic training. Amazing guy. I myself have been put through some really really dark situations where I literally had to climb out of a hole while I couldn't even feel my arms. A friend's father, smoked for 40 years and when my friend asked him to quit smoking for his birthday. He stopped smoking over a day.

Remember, we CAN get to the places that we want to, don't let anything stop you, don't make excuses for yourself. You CAN, and you WILL, if you're willing to.
 
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IWILLOBTAINMENTALHEALTH

Guest
I'm on here for the first time hoping to get thoughts from people that may know what I'm going through. I've experienced depression many times and usually can come out of it, feel compassion for myself, and do great things. But this time I feel incredibly guilty for falling so deep into depression and the guilt is so crippling it's hard for me to live a normal life and get over this.

The issue with my depression is that I go from a very high functioning, productive, talented person, social, and feeling worthy, to someone who lives a very pathetic and dysfunctional lifestyle. I was in the middle of finishing my last year of my Masters when in between the holidays I suddenly felt like everything was pointless, it was like a light just switched in my head (this happened after a very stressful two weeks). I literally woke up and just thought, "what's the point in what I'm doing, what's the point in life at all" and everything went down hill from there. I ended up getting by and passing my masters. I've been to a psychiatrist and despite my experience kind of sounding bi-polar I've been told that I'm not bi-polar but may be on the spectrum.

at this point, I spend almost all of my day in bed, just watching youtube videos or movies. I have things to do but I don't do them because the moment I start I'm overwhelmed and filled with anxiety and sadness from poor decisions I feel I've made that have led me to this point. And then I feel even worse because of the shame of staying in bed all day when I'm a physically healthy and able person. I recognize that logistically my strategy is completely flawed, I'm on an endless loop of self-sabotage but I can't seem to get out of it. I just feel so guilty for being what I feel is a lazy, stupid and weak person that has squandered what good potential I had.

How do you move on from making just plain dumb mistakes?
Have you thought about volunteering? You are healthy why not join a gym? You can do it! ;)
 
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