• Welcome! It’s great to see you.

    If you'd like to talk with people who know what it's like

    Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life.

Struggling to forgive myself

O

Orphanannie89

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 25, 2020
Messages
152
Location
PR25
I dontknow which forum to put this in but as I have recently been told I have an Emotionally Unstable Personality I thought I would post it here. My Dad died when I was 8 after a short battle with Cancer. My life turned upside down. There is no other way to put it. I completely changed. I was needy, clingy, developed OCD, struggled with friendships, became obsessed with people and thought they would make me happy. I relied on them to make me happy.
I did get married and have children and my husband is hugely supportive. I have thrown alsorts at him that have potentially sabotaged this relationship but he stands by me. Our greatest test was that I had an affair, which he knows about. It was a big slap in the face for me. The man, I wanted to keep in my life, again I thought he was THE person that would make me feel somebody. I wouldn't say I went out for an affair. It was the only way I knew that would keep him being my friend. I thought he would go elsewhere so i had to keep him. He was married also but i was never phased by his relationship with his wife. I was content when he was with his wife but when he was alone i would worry he was talking to other women and i really could not stand that. Anyway, i cant forgive myself, i self harm i hate myself and I truly believe I dont deserve to be happy.
 
B

bpd2020

ACCOUNT CLOSED
Joined
May 25, 2020
Messages
7,535
Location
England
Part of being human is we make mistakes. You having an affair does not mean you are a bad person, it makes you human. Often people with bpd believe the right person can make us feel better and we do all sorts of things to look for that person. Perhaps it comes from all the fairy tales we read as children making us believe a prince will rescue us. You made a mistake. You told your husband and he has forgiven you. You now need to forgive yourself. You do not deserve to harm yourself, you are already in pain as it is. You do deserve to be happy. You just have to learn how to be kind to yourself.
 
O

Orphanannie89

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 25, 2020
Messages
152
Location
PR25
What concerns me is I can see it happening again. I've got my sights set on someone. Exactly same feelings. I'm ok when hes with his wife but anyone else I'm frantic. I dont understand. I dont want an affair and I know this is not going to happen in this case but I'm concerned I'm getting obsessed again
 
B

bpd2020

ACCOUNT CLOSED
Joined
May 25, 2020
Messages
7,535
Location
England
If you feel you may have an affair with this person then maybe it would be safer to not have any contact. I think for the sake of your marriage it sounds like you cannot have this other person in your life.

Have you ever had any therapy?
 
O

Orphanannie89

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 25, 2020
Messages
152
Location
PR25
I know I wont have an affair with this person because he isn't that type of person. I'm not sure how I would go about ensuring I keep this person in my life, I just know I need him to be my friend and his wife for that matter. I'm clingy with his wife aswell.
As for therapy I've not started yet. I have had counseling and CBT plus Compassion Focussed Therapy but never felt they really helped.
My psychiatrist is organising my therapy now.
 
B

bpd2020

ACCOUNT CLOSED
Joined
May 25, 2020
Messages
7,535
Location
England
I am just concerned your attachment may be causing you pain. I can quite understand why you did not find cbt helpful. It is more practical based. I am glad your psychiatrist is arranging for more therapy. I think you will find it very helpful.
 
O

Orphanannie89

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 25, 2020
Messages
152
Location
PR25
My psychiatrist wants to go back to the death of my dad. She thinks what I'm experiencing now are symptoms of what happened when I was a child. Hopefully, it may help me to understand everything and accept it.
I must admit, I have read over what I originally posted on here and I've never said it like that before to anybody.
 
B

bpd2020

ACCOUNT CLOSED
Joined
May 25, 2020
Messages
7,535
Location
England
I think your psychiatrist makes a lot of sense. Loosing your dad was such a traumatic time for you and perhaps you have never been able to heal. I am glad you have a psychiatrist with a good insight.

You are very brave for making the post. It is hard to recognise things sometimes.
 
B

blue spark

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 25, 2014
Messages
903
Location
Sunny England.
Lost trust can never be regained,without trust relationships are doomed.
 
B

blue spark

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 25, 2014
Messages
903
Location
Sunny England.
You can forgive or be forgiven,but the forgiver will always feel betrayed.
 
B

bpd2020

ACCOUNT CLOSED
Joined
May 25, 2020
Messages
7,535
Location
England
You can forgive or be forgiven,but the forgiver will always feel betrayed.
I do not think that is a helpful comment on this post. The op already feels very guilty. Her husband has accepted things and they are still together.
 
B

blue spark

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 25, 2014
Messages
903
Location
Sunny England.
That's because some people just don't like to hear the truth,why sugar coat reality.She's got her sights set on someone else,he's married but she doesn't think he'd be interested.What if he was,i'm sure she'd do it again.What about her husband and children,if she did it again how do you think he'd feel this time.She feels guilty now,how guilty would she feel if she did it again.
 
O

Orphanannie89

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 25, 2020
Messages
152
Location
PR25
I'm so sorry if I've offended.
 
Similar threads
Thread starter Title Forum Replies Date
T Just diagnosed with BPD and struggling to cope on a daily basis Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 1
D Struggling work home life Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 9
N Struggling with CMHT Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 2
S Feeling intense struggling to calm down Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 1
L Struggling to accept life after years of trying to kill myself. Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 12
Halle29 Really struggling (also confused about diagnosis) Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 12
L Struggling Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 10
S Struggling and losing control Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 4
W Break up, I have bpd (suspected) Im struggling was it all me? Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 2
mami5 Struggling to ignore head Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 31
L Really struggling at the moment Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 19
B really struggling at min and my sleep shows it Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 8
G Getting back on track and struggling Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 11
G Struggling to keep my relationship stable Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 13
K struggling Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 9
V Struggling today. Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 17
B Struggling with my emotions Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 37
S Really struggling - want to disappear Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 10
K I have BPD and I am struggling Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 7
Koi1971 Struggling Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 2
JSUMN Have been struggling with a 'favorite person' for about a year now Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 6
B Struggling Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 26
L For anyone struggling right now Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 2
O Forgive me Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 3
C I want to kill myself Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 13
soulsearcher saw this and it really made me think about myself and other bpd sufferers Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 14
L I considered hurting myself tonight Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 16
M Being kind to myself. How? Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 6
L my opinion of myself is based on the opinion of others Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 5
T i scare myself, i am about to lose everything Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 12
Fairy Fountain I don't know how to stand up for myself. Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 27
R I hate myself Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 3
UnstableSolace Letting myself get treated badly, help Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 7
L Comparing myself / getting angry about boyfriend's past Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 1
S I'm afraid of myself Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 12
V I tried to harm myself today... Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 7
Fairy Lucretia because i don't hurt myself as much Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 3
J Hurting myself Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 8
Fairy Lucretia i don't think i can give up hurting myself Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 2
S I'm taking a vow of silence (I feel ashamed of myself) Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 2
S I'm Fighting A Battle With Myself Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 1
P I don't feel like myself Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 11

Similar threads

Top