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Struggling to find a career path that isn’t triggering

ThinkInYellow

ThinkInYellow

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Joined
Feb 21, 2019
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27
Location
Canada
I don’t think I can work with children anymore. I don’t know if I can work in any sort of service industry.

Children, their growth, development, and happiness are my passion. I love working with them and I thought that doing so was a no brainer. I’m 22k in debt from my education to work with them and now that I’ve been in the field for no more than six months it’s becoming clear to me that my trauma is not nearly as well handled as I thought.

I had such a shitty childhood, and I work so hard to not have that colour everything I do but every time I interact with a kid all I can see is potential signs of their suffering. I am consumed with the fear of their pain. Struggling with different emotions and social situations is just a part of life, but it is literally tearing me apart that I can’t know to what extent these kids are suffering and that I can’t make it better. Every time a kid gets upset about something I am frozen in fear that I’m looking at a symptom of some deeper trauma or mental illness and just missing the signs. It’s completely crippling.

But it’s not even just children. It’s so much worse with kids, but every person that I interact with there is this inescapable black hole in my head and my chest filling me with the knowledge that every person is suffering and there is nothing that I, or anyone else, can do to stop it.

I was so mental ill in my childhood and my home environment that was incredibly damaging. I needed someone, anyone, to take note. But no one ever seemed to notice or if they did they didn’t care that I was a foot from the edge at any given moment. I thought that I had dealt with that enough to not let it get to me, but every time I do much as meet eyes with a stranger on the street my head is racing with all the ways that person might need help and we’re all just too blind to see the signs.

I don’t know what to do. My job is killing me slowly and my mental health feels worse than it’s been in a while. But I can’t think of anything I can do that won’t run me up against this same problem. We live in a world that is so incredibly hurtful and damaging to everyone in it. We all suffer, and we are all powerless against it. And I can’t stop myself from feeling responsible to do something about it.

I can’t work in an environment where I’m supposed to be helping people. But I don’t know what else there IS to do. I just want to find a job that isn’t immensely triggering. But what doesn’t trigger me?

I have no idea what direction to take my life in.
 
SunnyDaze

SunnyDaze

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Jun 11, 2017
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USA
Yeah,I can see how it can be and is all so triggering for you.Im sorry that's how it is.

I wish I knew what to say about a job that wouldn't be triggering but as you know there's triggers everywhere and even in the most unexpected places when you have PTSD.
 
Z

Zoe1

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Jul 8, 2019
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n yeah I totally get this, that is ' co-dependency '
which should be a recognised illness in my view

I also went through this
I started training as a counsellor, studied psychology
and counselling foundation course

and it was quickly too much for me
not so much the psychology but the live counsellor training

I remember on that course
I was co-counselling someone
who realised while talking to me
that she needed to leave her partner

and I'm like oh my God she's leaving him because of me !

I left the helping professions altogether
and took up some voluntary work in graphic design
which I had some background in

I also did some sort of career aptitude test
which came up with art and design as the top choice
and selling at the bottom !

im not able to get on the market though I'm not well enough

:grouphug:
 
LizBo

LizBo

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Jul 1, 2019
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370
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Hi @ThinkInYellow 🖐

It seems to be the a popular choice for people suffering complex ptsd in childhood; moving into the helping professions I mean. I did and so did my sisters.

Your story's a sad one. Such worthy intent towards a valuable career, but one that requires a personally 'together' approach. I totally understand your position though, and triggers.

My sis has worked in a childcare centre for around 15 yrs and is absolutely born for the role. Even though we came from the same toxic parents, she's been able to channel her natural abilities and deal with personal triggers/issues on her own time. We used to spend a lot of time together in the early years debriefing with each other as lots of triggers occurred; it really helped thank goodness.

Do you have someone to do this with? A family member or psychologist perhaps?
 
HauntedWitch

HauntedWitch

ACCOUNT CLOSED
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Jul 9, 2019
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501
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somewhere between here and there
I can’t work in an environment where I’m supposed to be helping people. But I don’t know what else there IS to do. I just want to find a job that isn’t immensely triggering. But what doesn’t trigger me?I have no idea what direction to take my life in.
Maybe you could find some sort of job where you don't have as much contact with the public?

I don't know what your skills or educational background are, so I don't have specific ideas for you. It sounds as if you could benefit from talking to a vocational counselor or a therapist who specializes in career change.
 
B

bippie71

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Jan 16, 2012
Messages
375
Due to my issues I’ve only been doing parttime or remote since 2014. Unemployed now. Use this site for remote work opportunities.

Idealist.org
 
Z

Zoe1

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I just remembered what the test I did was
it was a psychometric test
very interesting, like an IQ test but its not for IQ
its to determine what your talents are
 
LizBo

LizBo

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Hey thanks @Zoe1! 🤜🤛 (Hi @ThinkInYellow)

I just completed a career test on Dr Google (really generic but a bit of fun) and it was suggested I look into being a medical records clerk. Hmm...

My results were CISARE as per the Holland test scores.
Link: Career test - Free online aptitude test - 123test.com

I get to work independently, no contact with clients/public and no emotional connection. Sounds like a plan! Ha ha

Who would'a thunk?! :geek:
 
Z

Zoe1

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you know what I dont understand the word generic !
even though I looked it up
nor what CISARE means sorry !

wow that test is 10 minutes

I think the psychometric test took about 2 hours
and there was also a workshop
where the participants spoke to each other

the lady running it did not think I could work
although I have done masses of volunteering

yes exactly, no clients/public, emotional connections
well in my case emotional responsibility is the trigger

useful information if you take it with a pinch of salt !
 
LizBo

LizBo

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Hey Zoe;
No biggie; generic just means it's a cheaper version. For instance, if you use Zoloft as an anti depressant, the generic version is called by its chemical name - Sertraline, and it's far cheaper than the brand name.

As I said, it was a little bit of fun. You know, painting by numbers type of stuff. ;)
It also got me thinking about what I could do that would suit my MH. The capital letters indicate my score which is explained on the site. It doesn't really mean anything to others. I probably shouldn't have included it in my post. Soz!
 
Z

Zoe1

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k thanks, well I use the generic version then !

I looked the letters up on the site
and couldn't find it

I cant keep up on this thread !

nothing to be sorry about for you !

:loveshower:
 
TulipIceCream

TulipIceCream

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On The Train
I wanted to be a doctor but I couldn't pass anatomy class because we had to look at cadavers. After that, I was determined to become a psychologist or a counselor. I took one semester of counseling psychology and all the material was so triggering I had find something else. It brought up every bad thing and I constantly wondered who else was in the program because they had a mental illness like me. I would go to bed crying it was terrible for me.

I was so upset with myself I couldn't do counseling or medicine. I wanted to be a healer of people so bad but I just couldn't. I felt if I could be a healer I could turn the bad in my life to good and repair my life somehow. I had a friend that couldn't be a child psychologist because during stories of abuse she would seriously vomit. She knew it was too much for her and became a school administrator instead which she loves. She is working on being a family therapist instead and wants to work with couples.

I settled on Business Psychology. It's super boring but numbers, structure and organizations. I can help people in my day to day interactions and volunteer places. Thats enough for me.

I understand about being around children. When I am around them i am hyper sensitive to signs of abuse. My teachers knew I was odd but they really failed me when they didn't suspect abuse. Or they did suspect it and didn't want to deal with it.

I hope you are able to find something else that you enjoy. Volunteering helps me. You can find somewhere to volunteer on your own time. You don't have a commitment and you can come and go as you please.
 
LizBo

LizBo

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Hi and :welcome: @TulipIceCream

I wish I'd had your insight when I was starting out in my working life. I've had so many triggers over the yrs in the helping professions, but didn't recognize them due to ignorance. I thought it was just me needing to learn more, be more you know? Character flaws..

It really makes me happy to see young people 'seeing' and 'accepting' themselves and their limits. I believe you'll do wonders hun. Your skill with intuitive insight would suit some type of detective work. Maybe not with regular policing, but privately, a federal unit or even environmental forensics. Research is another field you might enjoy.

I wish you all the luck in the world; you so deserve it!!! Don't rush; take your time and if you're brave enough, approach different companies to ask if you could spend a day or two shadowing someone.
My best;
Liz x
 
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