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Struggling to cope.

N

Norxis

New member
Joined
Apr 14, 2020
Messages
1
Location
South africa
Good Day all

This is my first time joining a mental health forum.
I dont really know exactly what I am trying to get out of this. All I know is that I am physically and mentally drained. My brother which I love dearly was diagnosed with Bipolar about 5 years ago. He is 27. Our mom commited suicide when he was only 2. He has been struggling with manic depression a lot the past 5 years. He had his first psychotic break about 3 years ago. Drug induced psychosis. Smoked too much pot and was taking cocaine. Took him 6 months of extreme depression to recover. We went through hell as a family. Its almost as if I was also going through the depression with him. It breaks your heart to see someone you love so much have to endure so much pain. It really killed me inside. After he recovered, things went well. Sometimes too well. It was not long until he started smoking weed again saying that it calmed him and helped with his depression. One thing lead to another and 3 months later he again had drug induced psychoses episode. This really broke my heart as he knew all the pain we had gone through with him and he still chose to do drugs. Again we went through the exact same 6 months of hell and 2 suicide attempts before he became better. And things really went well. Then suddenly now again he relapsed. The hurtfull thing is that as soon as he is better and coping, hes attitude changes and he treats me like shit. He again started smoking weed and shit 2 months ago. I have warned him million times that he is gonna have anothet psychotic episode but he just does not care when he is in that state. He listenes to no one and is the most selfish and self centres arrogont prick. He had another psychotic episode 2 days ago. In a mental hospital now. 3rd time. Again drug induced and I just cant do this again. I know hes going to fall into the pits of depression once he comes out of psychoses. Our father has stage 4 cancer and is getting worse every day. I myself cant sleep at night. I have a 4 year old daughter and my wife is 3 months pregnant. I just cant deal anymore. I cant leave him but I just dont feel like doing anything for him as he does not take anyones feelings in consideration. But I also know he has no one else. Why must life be so hard and painfull all the time?
 
F

Failing Heart

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 8, 2020
Messages
148
Location
Virginia
I’m so sorry you are going through this...I really can’t relate. One thing that has taken me a long time to learn is to put myself first. You have a family and a parent that needs you. Being bipolar myself, I can identify with your brother and what he is going through...he needs a support system BUT I also believe he needs to take some responsibility and own his piece of his own mental health. Sounds like if he isn’t willing to take steps to try to be well when he is stable...there is not much you can do. I would definitely look into support groups for family members of bipolar people. “How to stop walking on eggshells” and “the bipolar child” I think is the other book that was recommended to my family. At the very least it might give you some comfort to know that there are other people going through what you are going through. Good luck!
 
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