struggling to cope

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TheLonelyScot

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Hi

i hope this is in the correct place but seemed more appropriate the more i thought about it due the nature of the conversation it would be safer in this section

points to note my gp (i stick to 1) is fully aware of my background, i am no longer under psychiatry for complicated reasons, cmht has refused to deal with me efficiently in the past. there may be other things i am forgetting.

i do have a history of self harming. this is what the nature of the conversation is mostly about.

brief background: i became ill a few years ago with general not mental health issues, i am now using mobility aids and struggle with day to day things both due to mental health and now the general health also the autism is most likely in the mix also.

at present i have spoken to the gp recently and he basically just brushed it of when i advised him i was struggling. the basic response was you have been dealing with this for a while now and it is not new. i know for a fact mental health services are a shambles here and if i was to contact non emergency services and ask to speak to the on call cmht team i would be told i am in control of my actions and basically do what you want as you are aware of what you are doing and are in control. the alternative to the conversations previously was distraction techniques which have never worked for me and yes i point this out to them but they basically tell me thats all they can offer. hence why i decided to approach the gp and only the gp.

i have tried phone services in the past that are not tied to the nhs but i just feel uncomfortable on the phone to them and generally never feel any better after using them. some of the time they just tell me to speak to non emergency services.

so to stop digressing the current issue is i am getting severe thoughts of self harm and have been for weeks now (memory is a bit dodgy at the moment so the exact time i am not aware of so can only say weeks) the gp is refusing to help as stated above. this is basically the only option left at this point. it feel as if the the days go longer and i am in a constant battle with myself and feel as if i am starting to lose the battle and most likely the will to keep fighting. this may be also due to the fact i practically have no quality of life anymore and the only reason i say this is i was able to do a lot more before the general health problems started and now i am lucky if i can lift a pan of water when before i was able to lift 20+ litres of fluids.

apologies for the long mindedness of this.
 
OCDguy

OCDguy

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Hi there and :welcome:to the forum :) You probably don't need me to state the obvious (your physical health is bad enough without SHing on top)... To stop the SHing, it's important to know what you get from it and the reasons why you do it (pretty obvious I suppose)... I am no Doctor and no expert on these things, but I can share with you my non-judgemental, honest thoughts...
 
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TheLonelyScot

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thanks ocdguy for your thoughts the reasons end up normally getting blamed on release most likely a "preconditioning" thing from over the years
 
OCDguy

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Sorry for my ignorance, but I don't understand what you mean by that. Any chance of explaining for a thicko?
 
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TheLonelyScot

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by "preconditioning" i am just referring to the fact for years the behaviour is mostly repeated each time health dips doctors dont help i need relieve i do this and then get relief for a short time at least

hopefully that makes some form of sense

in short x starts then x is ignored by "professionals" x becomes to much with no sign of relief x is only relieved by doing y

y is normally the same outcome but not always the same act
 
OCDguy

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That is a little clearer and thank you for your patience and time :) If I am honest though I don't understand how y can give you some release from x. Again please forgive my ignorance...
 
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TheLonelyScot

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by outcome of y but not same act basiccal after doing someform of y something happens because of the act of y that then clears head (but requires more of the y each time to get same release) enough for a short time this is why i used "preconditioned" probably could also used repeated behaviour
 
OCDguy

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Sorry I really am thick. How can the act of y clear someone's head? A cryptic clue will hopefully be enough even for a thicko like me :)
 
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TheLonelyScot

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your fine i am probably just being far to cryptic so maybe this explanation helps (will just reuse some of above to save looking back up in this post)

if you exercise you apparently release good endorphins if i remember the babel correctly

so with the same logic as above y can be the exercise (relief from x) in the example and y then releases the endorphins (outcome of y causing temp relief)

hope that is easier to understand and a bit less cryptic and still follows the rules as i am not trying to endorse doing something just trying to explain things a bit easier of how it is like for me
 
OCDguy

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Sorry for my ignorance... so to ask a different question, what in your opinion is needed to stop the need for y :)
 
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TheLonelyScot

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its ok i am aware i can be far to cryptic at times that even i sometimes have trouble deciphering what i wrote and meant when reading it again at a later time/date

as for the what is needed to stop y i have yet to find out i have tried many things from distractions i think they call them baking, music etc none of them make any difference i have tried relaxation also recall doing cbt at one point also and due to lack of support/understanding from the health professionals i am left to try and work everything out on my own and then end up defaulting to y when it becomes far to much and then the "circle" starts again and its a sorta race to try and find something to stop y which after years there has been nothing so far
 
OCDguy

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Thanks for that you made me laugh somewhat :) So if we go back to x, may I ask in your case what is x (cryptic is good with me) :)
 
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TheLonelyScot

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x is generally the start of decline of the mental state which then turns into unable to cope when i am unable to find a way to deal with it which then leads to y when i can take noo more of x

x for simplification could just be referred to as a red rose bush (waiting to bloom (not a decline i know but trying to keep darkness out of it so roses worked)) as time goes on it blossoms (the unable to cope) it then goes back to waiting to blossom (the y)

my gardening never was great so hopefully i do have rose bush cycle correct
 
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