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Struggling to cope with life

S

so sad

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 24, 2016
Messages
126
Hi

I feel on the edge of giving into urges to give up completely.

I work full-time which is a huge struggle in itself. On Tuesday I had my last appointment with my DBT therapist. We'd worked together for 17 months and from the very start I got on great with her, trusted her and over the time trusted her enough to show emotion and talk about what I was feeling. I feel like its a bereavement and I don't feel ready to be discharged but that's the rules. Also on Tuesday, I saw my GP. She has been a huge support to me over the years and genuinely cares about me. She had been off sick for a few weeks and it was her first day back. She told me she is going off again in 2 weeks - she has cancer. I am so upset for her. Ignoring the fact that I'll miss her and be lost without her, she is such a lovely person and its not fair (but what is). I also have a close family friend who has just gone into a hospice because there is nothing more they can do to treat his cancer.

I'm also moving house 2 weeks today.

AARRGGHH!!!! Too much, too much, too much.

I want to hurt myself - self harm has always been my go-to method of coping and its all I can think about.

I know I'm lucky compared to some but that doesn't mean I can cope any better.

xx
 
Fairy Lucretia

Fairy Lucretia

Well-known member
Forum Guide
Joined
Apr 9, 2011
Messages
34,304
Location
Magical fairy wonderland xxxx
hi ,im so sorry for all you are going through
it seems like lots of difficult things have come all at once for you to deal with
im here to listen if you need to talk
it will all be ok I promise
love Lu xxx
 
W

wonderwoman18

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 12, 2019
Messages
70
Location
Ottawa
Oh so sad life is so difficult at times - you will get through all of this and be stronger for it, but it sure does not feel like it right now. I have urges to take all of my pills daily - i overdosed twice last year and now that my fiance has left me, i am so tempted to do it again. I have not self harmed since i was 17 but i ended up doing it the night my ex ended up leaving me. It is so hard to fight these urges cuz the pain is just so awful and horrendous for us.
 
G

Girl interupted

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 17, 2018
Messages
1,420
You need to live your truth.
 
S

so sad

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 24, 2016
Messages
126
Thanks for the replies.

I don't even know what 'my truth' is anymore. I constantly live for others, to keep the peace etc.

I feel so trapped and I really want to hurt myself :low:

xx
 
G

Girl interupted

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 17, 2018
Messages
1,420
At a certain point in your life you realize that the only person who matters to please is you.

if you are not happy, you can’t possibly help others.
 
G

Girl interupted

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 17, 2018
Messages
1,420
I don’t want you to hurt yourself. I want you to be free. To be honest about who you are. To let her go. Because staying only hurts you, and her.

flipping scary, I know. But freedom is just one footstep over that line you’ve drawn for yourself.
 
S

so sad

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 24, 2016
Messages
126
Thanks - I really wish I wasn't so weak and had the confidence to stand my ground. I find I panic and worry about saying things to people that I think they may disagree with because I fear rejection so much.
I know I should matter etc etc but I don't feel like I do.
x
 
G

Girl interupted

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 17, 2018
Messages
1,420
Thanks - I really wish I wasn't so weak and had the confidence to stand my ground. I find I panic and worry about saying things to people that I think they may disagree with because I fear rejection so much.
I know I should matter etc etc but I don't feel like I do.
x
please stop beating yourself up.
 
Poppy2014

Poppy2014

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Moderator
Joined
Jun 16, 2015
Messages
815
Location
depends on what time I post.
Hi Sad,
Losing a trusted therapist is like a bereavement, I still remember how it felt when I finally said goodbye to S. I went on a 2 week do as much damage to yourself as you can and that will prove he was wrong.

But 2 things strike me about your post... 1 is you said you want to self harm, but you didn't (you see, that's your first strong hint that you are ready to finish therapy) the second is you have not 1 but 4 major life changing events going on and you only "feel like giving up" believe me I'm not trivialising that phrase, but give yourself a break.

This is not a BPD thing, I doubt anyone who works full time, has just lost someone very important, been told a "friend" even if it's their Dr has cancer, has another friend with terminal cancer, is trying to move home, and has Christmas coming up would be anywhere but exactly where you are now.

So you think about self harm, mine was driving fast, others turn in on themselves or turn on those they love, and people without all of this and BPD who have less than you are facing go off sick because of the stress, so...
Stand up tall,
pat yourself on the back
tell yourself 10 times a day I am fantastic, look at what I can do.
And remember you are one hell of a strong person
Xxx
 
S

sanrio01

Member
Joined
Nov 29, 2019
Messages
9
Location
USA
Look onto the good things in life
 
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