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Struggling to cope with fiancés depression

F

Faye45

Member
Joined
Jul 24, 2020
Messages
10
Location
Guildford
My fiancé walked out 2 weeks ago and said hes down and wants to be alone.
He hasn’t contacted me at all and hasn’t seen our 4 year old daughter for 2 weeks.
He says he needs space but he’s cut almost all contact. I’m finding it really hard and my anxiety is now really really bad. I can’t eat and I’m struggling to get through the day .
 
Mayflower7

Mayflower7

Well-known member
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Jan 4, 2013
Messages
19,010
Location
England
Hi Faye45,
Welcome to the forum,
I'm so sorry your going thru this, if your worried about his mental state you could ask the police to do a welfare check.
I hope you have some family/friends support, try to eat little and often.
Make sure you drink lots of fluids to keep hydrated.
We're here for you.
You could phone the Samaritans as well.
Hugs hope things get better for you very soon.
 
F

Faye45

Member
Joined
Jul 24, 2020
Messages
10
Location
Guildford
Hi Faye45,
Welcome to the forum,
I'm so sorry your going thru this, if your worried about his mental state you could ask the police to do a welfare check.
I hope you have some family/friends support, try to eat little and often.
Make sure you drink lots of fluids to keep hydrated.
We're here for you.
You could phone the Samaritans as well.
Hugs hope things get better for you very soon.

He is a police officer and he’s managing to get to work . He’s staying with his parents , who I’ve made contact with and I know he’s ok ..: but they are unwilling to help .
I just don’t know how to deal with him.. do I just sit it out and wait ?
 
Mayflower7

Mayflower7

Well-known member
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Messages
19,010
Location
England
Hi,
That's good he's still able to work, I'd tell him your there to help i.e. Listening to him if he wants to talk.
Lots of people with depression can become very isolated.
Do look after your needs to, I'm so sorry this has happened to you.
Depression is a horrible disease.
However lots of people get better with the right treatment.
Here to talk for you anytime.
Hugs
 
F

Faye45

Member
Joined
Jul 24, 2020
Messages
10
Location
Guildford
Hi,
That's good he's still able to work, I'd tell him your there to help i.e. Listening to him if he wants to talk.
Lots of people with depression can become very isolated.
Do look after your needs to, I'm so sorry this has happened to you.
Depression is a horrible disease.
However lots of people get better with the right treatment.
Here to talk for you anytime.
Hugs

would it be usual for someone to completely cut off their loved ones ? Because he needs space ?
 
Mayflower7

Mayflower7

Well-known member
Moderator
Joined
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19,010
Location
England
Hi,
I have heard of other members doing this, hopefully he will get help if he's not already getting it.
Sometimes someone can be very depressed that they don't want to interact.
Hugs
 
F

Faye45

Member
Joined
Jul 24, 2020
Messages
10
Location
Guildford
Wouldn’t it then make it really hard for him to go to work ?
 
Mayflower7

Mayflower7

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I'm surprised he's still able to work, he must have a lot of stress in his job.
You have to put you and your daughters needs first if he refuses to get help.
Hugs
 
F

Faye45

Member
Joined
Jul 24, 2020
Messages
10
Location
Guildford
I'm surprised he's still able to work, he must have a lot of stress in his job.
You have to put you and your daughters needs first if he refuses to get help.
Hugs

Yes exactly what I had thought ..
He said he’s really really down and doesn’t want to talk to me..: he hasn’t even asked how our daughter is . In 2 weeks
I see he’s online on WhatsApp and Facebook yet he completely ignores my messages
 
L

Lizaje

Guest
And how did you come around to think he has depression? He's doing an awful thing, imo.
 
F

Faye45

Member
Joined
Jul 24, 2020
Messages
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Location
Guildford
And how did you come around to think he has depression? He's doing an awful thing, imo.
I guess because his mood can change quite quickly and he gets very low.. he has really low self esteem due to being bullied as a teenager . He always says that he who isn’t be here and wishes he was different. He usually goes to the gym to help with this but as they’ve been closed he’s struggled .

yes I totally agree he’s being really awful but I’m trying to understand from his perspective
 
F

Faye45

Member
Joined
Jul 24, 2020
Messages
10
Location
Guildford
Or maybe he’s not and he just can’t be arsed and wants a break . But he loves our daughter and so I’m really shocked he hasn’t asked about her
 
L

Lizaje

Guest
Maybe he can't bring himself to contact you at all? Maybe he's thinking of breaking up? I say that because that might explain the seeming ease with which he has left and the unwilliness to communicate. His parents should help, but at least if he's with them his well being in a sense falls to their responsibility more than on yours and he's not alone.
 
F

Faye45

Member
Joined
Jul 24, 2020
Messages
10
Location
Guildford
Yes maybe ... he did say in his messages a day after he left that he loved me and wasn’t leaving ..: but he just needed to be alone and needed space , so confusing

and my anxiety ( brought on by a previous abusive relationship and then the death of my Mum) makes this really hard for me to process
 
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