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Struggling so much.

B

Beepboopboppity

New member
Joined
Sep 29, 2020
Messages
1
Location
Minnesota
I've struggled with depression my entire life. Some periods in time have been better but never completely good. I've dealt with a lot in life. Emotional abuse, physical abuse, bullying, eating disorders, to name a few. It's been a battle but I've always pulled through in the end. I felt like things were actually improving until this year honestly. I was having more better days, then bam, 2020 came around.

The beginning of the year I decided to leave an office job I was at for 7 years. Early March I got a new job, then the pandemic hit. I stayed at my old job a bit longer, had a brief period of unemployment, then the pandemic settled down enough that the new job was ready for me to start for real. I was excited. I showed up early every day, got things done that colleagues fell behind on for months, got weekly tasks completed a day or two earlier than previously done, I worked hard and did my best, and this was even though my supervisor was difficult to work with because she constantly talked down to me, made me feel like crap, and made comments about my weight, etc. I enjoyed the direction I was going, and then they fired me. It was within the 90 day probationary period and they didn't give me a reason other than me not being a good fit for what they wanted. This was early August, and though I've been job hunting I feel myself creeping deeper and deeper into just hopelessness.

I feel like it would be easier for me to handle if I wasn't so alone. I live with 2 people but I can't go to them with my problems. I don't have any friends, I don't have any family. When I'm feeling absolutely crushed by life and like I desperately just need a shoulder, I pick up my phone and there isn't even one single person that comes to mind that I could just reach out to like that. I'm only 27 years old, I just never imagined this is how I'd end up in life... Lonely, hurt, struggling. I also don't have a car or even a driver's license so lately I just spend my time home alone. I haven't stepped foot outside in about a month now.

I'm not even sure how to wrap this post up. I just feel so lost and depressed. I feel so alone and overwhelmed.
 
S

sallimae76

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 18, 2019
Messages
678
Location
USA
I'm sorry you were fired. That sucks. Please keep trying, something is better around the corner.
 
jajingna

jajingna

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 31, 2020
Messages
6,184
Location
Canada
Hi and welcome. Hopefully this site will provide you some small measure of comfort.
 
D

Daringdan

Well-known member
Joined
May 8, 2020
Messages
293
Location
Louisville, Ky
Welcome, Kick off your shoes and stay awhile. Many of us are just trying to gather around for some warmth. I'm sorry about your job and hurt feelings. I hope we can help get you through this tough time.
 
JessisMe

JessisMe

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 27, 2020
Messages
8,663
Location
Nashua NH
Hello Beep and welcome to the forums.
What a tough position to be in. You are brave to have come this far with it. That company that let you go should have kept someone as productive as you. I’m sure you will find a different position at another company where you will be more appreciated. I get lonely too and find a lot of community on this site that helps to make me feel less lonely. Maybe we can be that for you too. We are glad that you are here with us. xo, j :grouphug:
 
B

Betty Jane

New member
Joined
Oct 11, 2020
Messages
3
Location
Traverse City
I've struggled with depression my entire life. Some periods in time have been better but never completely good. I've dealt with a lot in life. Emotional abuse, physical abuse, bullying, eating disorders, to name a few. It's been a battle but I've always pulled through in the end. I felt like things were actually improving until this year honestly. I was having more better days, then bam, 2020 came around.

The beginning of the year I decided to leave an office job I was at for 7 years. Early March I got a new job, then the pandemic hit. I stayed at my old job a bit longer, had a brief period of unemployment, then the pandemic settled down enough that the new job was ready for me to start for real. I was excited. I showed up early every day, got things done that colleagues fell behind on for months, got weekly tasks completed a day or two earlier than previously done, I worked hard and did my best, and this was even though my supervisor was difficult to work with because she constantly talked down to me, made me feel like crap, and made comments about my weight, etc. I enjoyed the direction I was going, and then they fired me. It was within the 90 day probationary period and they didn't give me a reason other than me not being a good fit for what they wanted. This was early August, and though I've been job hunting I feel myself creeping deeper and deeper into just hopelessness.

I feel like it would be easier for me to handle if I wasn't so alone. I live with 2 people but I can't go to them with my problems. I don't have any friends, I don't have any family. When I'm feeling absolutely crushed by life and like I desperately just need a shoulder, I pick up my phone and there isn't even one single person that comes to mind that I could just reach out to like that. I'm only 27 years old, I just never imagined this is how I'd end up in life... Lonely, hurt, struggling. I also don't have a car or even a driver's license so lately I just spend my time home alone. I haven't stepped foot outside in about a month now.

I'm not even sure how to wrap this post up. I just feel so lost and depressed. I feel so alone and overwhelmed.
 
B

Betty Jane

New member
Joined
Oct 11, 2020
Messages
3
Location
Traverse City
Hello. I’m struggling too. Perhaps we struggle together? I do have a family who loves me and a very “successful” work life but I still feel very alone. Ive always said I’m a functional depressed person but things are unmanageable right now. I have this weird avoidance behavior of working a million hours M-F so I don’t think and then I crash on the weekends because I’m so exhausted. I lay in bed with headaches, other ailments (because I don’t take care of myself during the week) and do nothing except cry. I can’t find balance or inner peace. Things are exacerbated because my 20 y/o daughter (who was adopted from foster care at age 5) and has mental health illness of her own is living in a homeless shelter in a city far away with an abusive, much older man (20 years her senior), and 2 of his babies. There is so much to unpack with this story but essentially she went missing after her 18th birthday and we’ve only recently reconnected by phone (sort off). I just learned she was hospitalized for blood clots and not following medical advice with meds because her uneducated (not even a HS diploma) man is telling her to do natural remedies. I’m a healthcare professional and I understand the implications of not medically managing something like pulmonary emboli. Feeling so helpless with my daughter just makes things unbearable right now.

I’m just tired of fighting depression.
 
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