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Struggling - Need Help!!

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sad_stuart

Guest
Well where do i start..... I have diagnosed by a doctor and therapist as having Generalized Anxiety Disorder with secondary depression. I have never been very good at expressing my thoughts so if i don't make much sense then i do apologise. so lets start....... I cant seem to control me thoughts, all that i am constantly thinking about is killing myself, it scares the crap out of me. I was on my way outside for a cigarette and i was telling myself that i was a chicken for not being able to kill myself, the feelings where that strong that i had a massive panic attack, I was standing there and all of the sudden felt faint, heart pounding, sudden lurching feeling like I was going down a steep hill and that I was losing control and fading away! i really felt soo scared. The feelings eventually passed after about an hour or so but i still feel anxious.
For the past 6 weeks the only thoughts that i have are fear and it is taking over me, i always feel like i am going to die i am scared all the time, i get to shaking, crying, sweaty palms, dizzy like the floor is coming up at me weather i am in public or at home, it doesn’t matter where i am, i am always thinking of my funeral, I get chest pains all the time and it feels like im having a heart attack.
If i am not thinking about me dying then i am thinking about all the members of my family dying and it scares the crap out of me that i may never, ever see my nana, mam or my dad again. I feel selfish for moving over here and leaving them.
The pros for dying seriously outweigh the cons, Anne is the only con that is preventing me from dying, i love her more than my own life. The pros for dying are, Not feeling anxious anymore, Relieving everybody of their worries for me, Letting Anne get on with her life, no more sadness, not letting people down anymore, not failing at anything again. The list goes on and on.
I feel anxious all the time, like im getting ready for a big interview all the time, by body feels like it is going to explode. I get sweaty palms, have times when i cant seem to stop my hands from trembling, i feel like i am burning up, i get all sweaty, my chest tightens up, i cant breath, my tongue feels like it is swelling up.
I don’t know how much more i can take of this.............
 
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Ainsworth

Guest
hey stuart :welcome:

what are you taking for your anxiety and depression?

its very hard to live like that, tiring isnt it but as you say you have Anne and she must be a comfort for you, so hold on to that feeling of love you have for her.

have you been back to the doctors to tell them how the last 6 weeks have been for you. i have a bad habit of not being able to talk to p-doc/therapists, writing it all down would be good. whens your next appointment?

:)
 
KP1

KP1

Well-known member
Founding Member
Joined
Apr 4, 2008
Messages
1,500
Hi Stuart welcome to the forum I hope you find it useful here.
I would return to the doctor and tell him/her that you are experiencing suicidal thoughts.
Kp
 
S

sad_stuart

Guest
Hi,
I am taking Citalopram 20 mg at the moment. I have been on theses tablets for the last 5 years now, with the dosage being varied from time time, going up to 40 mg and down to 10 mg. For the first 3 years i was on various medication just trying to find out what suits me.
I have another appointment with my therapist on Friday at 10 am. The problem is i struggle to get over the exact way i am feeling, and at times i think that people don't actually believe what i am saying, i wish that their was some outward sign, like a broken leg or something cos then nobody has any doubts.
Yes it is very tiring, but i am only sleeping for about 4 hours a night (If im lucky) usually waking up several times during the night.
I have been prescribed some tamazipan to help with my sleep patterns, but i dont like taking them, i hate not feeling in control of myself, which is same reason i haven't had a drink of anything alcoholic for 5 years.
Any help anybody can give will be great, or even just someone to chat with will be great.
Thanks for listening. (Reading) :)
 
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