• Hi. It’s great to see you. Welcome!

    Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life. Amongst our membership there is a wealth of expertise that has been developed through having to deal with mental health issues.

    We are an actively moderated forum with a team of experienced moderators. We also have a specialist safety team that works extra hard to keep the forum safe for visitors and members.

    Register now to access many more features and forums!

Struggling and might loose my children

A

Allyalz

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 8, 2019
Messages
46
Location
England
Hi everyone im hoping i can get some help/advice/anything.
I have 3 children, the youngest of which is 10 weeks old.
Ive always had issues with anger and struggle when my husband leaves for work some days. I have no idea why or what it is about that but it triggers me into a rage where I literally start throwing things, ripping pictures and destroying most things i know will upset him.

Yesterday it came to the point where he came home from work with his parents and took my children away. Id like to point out that they were not, and never ever have been, on the receiving end of my anger and i was upstairs while they were down.

I feel i have nowhere to turn. I am frightened to talk to my cpn because she has a duty of care and if i tell her im doing this stuff they will report back to social services (whom are already involved after i got classed as a missing person a few weeks ago, i wasnt missing and it was a ridiculous misunderstanding)

I have no idea why this triggers me or what it is I'm even angry about. Not sure if i feel abandoned looking after kids on own or what. Either way it has to stop.

What can i do to help myself? Im on meds, i do mindfulness but when i go into a rage (which sometimes i cant see coming and is 0-60) i cant snap out until ive exhausted myself.

Please can anyone help. I don’t want to loose my family and i feel broken x
 
Lunus

Lunus

Well-known member
Joined
May 20, 2019
Messages
1,068
Location
Norfolk
Hi everyone im hoping i can get some help/advice/anything.
I have 3 children, the youngest of which is 10 weeks old.
Ive always had issues with anger and struggle when my husband leaves for work some days. I have no idea why or what it is about that but it triggers me into a rage where I literally start throwing things, ripping pictures and destroying most things i know will upset him.

Yesterday it came to the point where he came home from work with his parents and took my children away. Id like to point out that they were not, and never ever have been, on the receiving end of my anger and i was upstairs while they were down.

I feel i have nowhere to turn. I am frightened to talk to my cpn because she has a duty of care and if i tell her im doing this stuff they will report back to social services (whom are already involved after i got classed as a missing person a few weeks ago, i wasnt missing and it was a ridiculous misunderstanding)

I have no idea why this triggers me or what it is I'm even angry about. Not sure if i feel abandoned looking after kids on own or what. Either way it has to stop.

What can i do to help myself? Im on meds, i do mindfulness but when i go into a rage (which sometimes i cant see coming and is 0-60) i cant snap out until ive exhausted myself.

Please can anyone help. I don’t want to loose my family and i feel broken x
It sounds like you are using emotional reasoning and it may be linked to a fear of abandonment. Personally I’d suggest you use a ‘coping box’. (See attached) That’s where you write down the event that happens (husband leaving), what emotions you feel, and what you urge is (smashing things up). Then write down what happens/will happen if you follow the urge, then write down what will happen if you don’t follow the urge. I found by writing these out if gives me the TIME to collect my thoughts and become mindful before doing something reckless. Hope it helps.
 

Attachments

vanish

vanish

Well-known member
Forum Safety Team
Staff Member on Leave
Joined
Sep 29, 2014
Messages
2,390
Location
The Land of Oz
A coping box sounds like an awesome idea! I’m not an angry person, but still have one to cope with negative thoughts and emotions. One thing I have in there is a supply of balloons. When you feel rage or upset, blow the balloon up and either pop it or release it. I usually feel better after one or two balloons. I’ve even blown them up until they burst, but be careful there with your face. Also punching a pillow or screaming into a pillow can help sometimes. Have you heard or dammit dolls? They are handmade soft toys designed to take a beating and help manage stress and anger. I have one of these too. Google them and you’ll no doubt find what I am talking about.
 
A

Allyalz

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 8, 2019
Messages
46
Location
England
It sounds like you are using emotional reasoning and it may be linked to a fear of abandonment. Personally I’d suggest you use a ‘coping box’. (See attached) That’s where you write down the event that happens (husband leaving), what emotions you feel, and what you urge is (smashing things up). Then write down what happens/will happen if you follow the urge, then write down what will happen if you don’t follow the urge. I found by writing these out if gives me the TIME to collect my thoughts and become mindful before doing something reckless. Hope it helps.
A coping box sounds like an awesome idea! I’m not an angry person, but still have one to cope with negative thoughts and emotions. One thing I have in there is a supply of balloons. When you feel rage or upset, blow the balloon up and either pop it or release it. I usually feel better after one or two balloons. I’ve even blown them up until they burst, but be careful there with your face. Also punching a pillow or screaming into a pillow can help sometimes. Have you heard or dammit dolls? They are handmade soft toys designed to take a beating and help manage stress and anger. I have one of these too. Google them and you’ll no doubt find what I am talking about.
Thank you both i will try these suggestions although blowing up a balloon id probably give myself an asthma attack knowing my luck lol.
 
G

Girl interupted

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 17, 2018
Messages
1,420
I don’t know about you but I tend to get angry when I feel I have no control.

If you are not currently in therapy, I would encourage you to do so. It will help you in untangling the feelings of rage and give you some tools to deal with it.

Sometimes something simple as feeling heard can help dampen the rage, a therapist will help with that.
 
A

Allyalz

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 8, 2019
Messages
46
Location
England
I don’t know about you but I tend to get angry when I feel I have no control.

If you are not currently in therapy, I would encourage you to do so. It will help you in untangling the feelings of rage and give you some tools to deal with it.

Sometimes something simple as feeling heard can help dampen the rage, a therapist will help with that.
Unfortunately I cant afford therapy. I have had dbt lite and it is as awful and didnt help. I cant do a full dbt course as there isnt one anywhere near me either.
 
Lunus

Lunus

Well-known member
Joined
May 20, 2019
Messages
1,068
Location
Norfolk
Unfortunately I cant afford therapy. I have had dbt lite and it is as awful and didnt help. I cant do a full dbt course as there isnt one anywhere near me either.
Then I would suggest you get yourself some self help books, also available in Audio format if you prefer.
Mindfulness for BPD by Blaise Aguirre and Gillian Galen and The Mindful way through depression by Kabat Zinn are excellent imo. These books teach you everything you need to know about BPD and how to use DBT and Mindfulness to ease your suffering.
 
Confusedandanxious

Confusedandanxious

Well-known member
Joined
May 5, 2019
Messages
785
Location
Uk
The positives of having children's services is that they are there to support you as a parent. You could always ask them for further help in therapy. they could maybe pick up the costs.
They like to see parents trying to help themselves.

I have had children services involvement before and they have been extremely supportive and helpful.
As long as you work with them and dont fear them they can actually be a godsend. They were for me at least.

I sometimes had more help from them than I did my mental health team.
 
A

Allyalz

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 8, 2019
Messages
46
Location
England
The positives of having children's services is that they are there to support you as a parent. You could always ask them for further help in therapy. they could maybe pick up the costs.
They like to see parents trying to help themselves.

I have had children services involvement before and they have been extremely supportive and helpful.
As long as you work with them and dont fear them they can actually be a godsend. They were for me at least.

I sometimes had more help from them than I did my mental health team.
They already said there is nothing they can do. The perinatal service is discharging me as they've also said there is nothing more they can offer me. Besides i don’t trust any professional service to talk to anymore.
 
Top