Struggle to even get to date (Social Anxiety)

VibrantWaves

VibrantWaves

Member
Joined
Feb 19, 2019
Messages
5
Location
Midlands UK
#1
So i try messaging countless times but rarely get a response, even if i did most guys have so much natural chat. Where as my anxiety makes my conversation skills and the fact that i haven't really ever had much conversation with women. I just fall behind as its not a skill i get chance to build. If anyone on here is similar how did you meet your partner.

What i really mean is was it via another method, did real life somehow help as when i used to work i had women saying they liked me and i guess they actually got to know me, but online only once got past six or so messages and i realised it wasn't going to work as they lived on a island and i don't want to relocate and it just didn't work well.

I said at 18, 19, 20, 21, 22 etc as soon as i turn i will try and find someone, i worry now that i'm just going to be looking back years later and i don't know how similar attractive to my level guys do it, i don't know what try anymore as i take time with message and read profiles but online dating people don't really give much chance which is understandable. Any helpful ideas of any other ways i can meet people in a not too anxiety causing way, if you get me.


Stair221 Travelling, Diet, Veggie, intelligent, geek
My profile incase any tips. How did you guys do it, or are you in similar way?
 
L

Loulax14

New member
Joined
Feb 19, 2019
Messages
4
Location
South east London
#2
I’ve recently spilt from my boyfriend of 3 years , we meet at school so it was easier but now I’m worried as I have social anxiety that I won’t be able to meet anyone else , now I’m in my twenty’s and the thought of it makes my anxiety go so much .
 
VibrantWaves

VibrantWaves

Member
Joined
Feb 19, 2019
Messages
5
Location
Midlands UK
#3
I’ve recently spilt from my boyfriend of 3 years , we meet at school so it was easier but now I’m worried as I have social anxiety that I won’t be able to meet anyone else , now I’m in my twenty’s and the thought of it makes my anxiety go so much .
Thanks for replying, yeah it was always easier back then I get that, I literally had a few people coming up asking me more than once but I had no confidence back then, then similar at work, interesting story I liked this polish woman and I didn't really talk to her to much but when I did it was great, but didn't talk much as anxiety but on the day it was announced it was my last day she came up to me at the end and gave me her number and said she really liked me which was awesome as i never knew and I didn't make much effort if you get me so thought it was a one way thing. I'm sorry that you split also, hope you are ok.
 
L

Loulax14

New member
Joined
Feb 19, 2019
Messages
4
Location
South east London
#4
Yeah I’m not a confident person at all never thought anyone would find my attractive or anything so if I liked someone I wouldn’t tell them I’ve always been like that . I work in a school full of female staff so pretty hard to meet anyone lol . Thanks , I’m okay just hard but getting there slowly
 
Cpt_Stunning

Cpt_Stunning

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 23, 2019
Messages
380
Location
Plymouth
#5
It can be frustrating, I would say just don't try to hard, it can happen when you least expect it, I was out for a walk the other day & a strange woman came up to me & asked me to come to a party with her as she didn't have a date, & when I really try, nothing happens.
 
VibrantWaves

VibrantWaves

Member
Joined
Feb 19, 2019
Messages
5
Location
Midlands UK
#6
It can be frustrating, I would say just don't try to hard, it can happen when you least expect it, I was out for a walk the other day & a strange woman came up to me & asked me to come to a party with her as she didn't have a date, & when I really try, nothing happens.
Yeah that is strange that, that works so well, but i have found similar in past too. Law of attraction i guess, put yourself out there more and things happen, humbling that dating sites often aren't the best way and its often when not expecting or trying as we found. Thank you for reply.
 
J

just me Amy

ACCOUNT CLOSED
Joined
Jul 24, 2018
Messages
35
Location
south East England
#7
I have anxiety really bad, i tried online dating to. i could chat on line, and they the guys chatted on phone i was very chatty. then met them on date and my anxiety was well bad the guys could see my anxiety, it got me down, its a struggle, but i still hope to find a man that takes me for me, best wishes
 
N

Natalie355

Active member
Joined
Apr 2, 2019
Messages
41
Location
Essex
#8
I have bad social anxiety and I used to self harm and tried online dating, I was fortunate and I met someone who can relate a bit to my mental health issues and has helped me to try and control my anxiety. You can find someone no matter what your suffering with, just don't give up it will happen one day. everyone deserves happiness, health and love in their life. 😊
 
VibrantWaves

VibrantWaves

Member
Joined
Feb 19, 2019
Messages
5
Location
Midlands UK
#9
Thank you just knowing how caring people can be helps a lot and is what keeps me going when I get down. I just think of a few times even though I didn’t ask women they were there and supported me and it lifts me back up, funnily enough It has most often been someone I liked so that helps knowing people care.

However it does seem impossible not even getting replies, much harder for men I think as women get many messages. You are right though, I will regret giving up as I keep doing for extended durations.
I don’t normally get down but yesterday I did and some inspiration/motivation, just what I needed to hear today. Perfect timing. If anything I need to push myself out of my comfort zone more with being so shy and try talk to more people, not give up. Appreciated :)
 
N

Natalie355

Active member
Joined
Apr 2, 2019
Messages
41
Location
Essex
#10
Trying to do things out my comfort zone really helped me. I used to have a few friends but such low self esteem cause they were such bad people they made my life horrible, partly the reason I started self harming but just doing small things like saying hi back to someone instead of just smiling back made me confident enough that this year I got those bad people out my life, even though I only have one friend now my self esteem never been higher which is helping approve my anxiety.
 
A

Ambivalence

Active member
Joined
Apr 4, 2019
Messages
39
Location
The Philippines
#11
I grew up bisexual and had to deal with a lot of pain around falling in love with people of the same sex who couldn’t love me back. It didn’t help that I had a preference for the latter, but somehow I grew to enjoy the different perspectives I can have with not being with someone. Hmm. . . it’s really something these days.

Had someone who fell in love with me somehow. I’m guessing because we had opposite strengths. She was the more talkative type and I was the more quiet one. She was patient in helping me express myself more and I got her to slow down and think more. We agreed to take a little break from each other to get better on our personal lives, and well, now I’m here.
 
A

Ambivalence

Active member
Joined
Apr 4, 2019
Messages
39
Location
The Philippines
#12
Just want to add that I’m probably not the best at giving you advice. I just went out there, helped others, shared hobbies and then she made the first move on me. I guess if you want a girlfriend, you first have to know how to make friends.
 
VibrantWaves

VibrantWaves

Member
Joined
Feb 19, 2019
Messages
5
Location
Midlands UK
#13
Just want to add that I’m probably not the best at giving you advice. I just went out there, helped others, shared hobbies and then she made the first move on me. I guess if you want a girlfriend, you first have to know how to make friends.
I find it a little difficult to understand from your writing if you worked out as a couple i guess no, thats unfortunate if that was the case and,
hey, no thats great advice, sometimes things are overthought and simple things forgotten over time.
Thats something i have never done (start a friendship) since i can remember luckily as i was in education system and had to be in large groups etc, people connected with me and i made friends always male but as an adult now things don't work like that...

I get interest and replies from males frequently but i'm straight, it would be easier as i have lots of experience with male friends and no nervousness, but as people say it right its not a choice aha. Women just, i don't have much idea how to relate and don't get chance to get to know.

Like you say though i always don't like to make friends as a struggle to allocate time and i feel like there is not much point, i keep happy on my own time and find the day goes to fast. However we are created to desire love biologically.
A funny moment actually my biology teacher (i think latina) once she was taking our heart rates and i really liked her like at the time there was no one i liked more, she was unreal. When she took mine it was so fast and she asked me straight away aha and we both just shared a smile to each other.


Its important though in many ways and i'm overlooking how it can be helpful (to start friendships) as i need to know how to relate more etc. Also like you say who knows it might start out as looking for friends for instance as i'm vegan every now and again talking to similar people, hopefully it wont be as difficult as i imagine.

It's a definite thing i need to work on and figure out how and where to start and just make a little progress on. I will try to remember to invest time into. Definitely need to keep in mind going forwards. Thanks for reply.
 
S

Silver669

Member
Joined
Apr 14, 2019
Messages
7
Location
London
#14
Just a quick observation...You look like a decent looking guy and could definitely do far better with your photos. Get a mate to take a few pics of you smiling but not you holding the phone. Also photo taken for above always look way better than from below. You're selling yourself short : )
 
Y

Yodagirl

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 9, 2019
Messages
626
Location
Georgia USA
#15
I find it a little difficult to understand from your writing if you worked out as a couple i guess no, thats unfortunate if that was the case and,
hey, no thats great advice, sometimes things are overthought and simple things forgotten over time.
Thats something i have never done (start a friendship) since i can remember luckily as i was in education system and had to be in large groups etc, people connected with me and i made friends always male but as an adult now things don't work like that...

I get interest and replies from males frequently but i'm straight, it would be easier as i have lots of experience with male friends and no nervousness, but as people say it right its not a choice aha. Women just, i don't have much idea how to relate and don't get chance to get to know.

Like you say though i always don't like to make friends as a struggle to allocate time and i feel like there is not much point, i keep happy on my own time and find the day goes to fast. However we are created to desire love biologically.
A funny moment actually my biology teacher (i think latina) once she was taking our heart rates and i really liked her like at the time there was no one i liked more, she was unreal. When she took mine it was so fast and she asked me straight away aha and we both just shared a smile to each other.


Its important though in many ways and i'm overlooking how it can be helpful (to start friendships) as i need to know how to relate more etc. Also like you say who knows it might start out as looking for friends for instance as i'm vegan every now and again talking to similar people, hopefully it wont be as difficult as i imagine.

It's a definite thing i need to work on and figure out how and where to start and just make a little progress on. I will try to remember to invest time into. Definitely need to keep in mind going forwards. Thanks for reply.
It’s sometimes hard to relate to the opposite sex. I’m bisexual and as a girl could always relate more to other girls. Would possibly talking to girls online help you better understand and relate to girls?