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Struggle for the past, or quit for the future?

R

rkr

New member
Founding Member
Joined
Apr 19, 2008
Messages
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So... basically I've been having for the past 7 months my most complicated and tiresome relationship ever. I'm 23, she's 17. This age gap although I would hope it wouldn't clash in many ways...it does. Her views of a respectful relationship are quite different from mine. We've been On and Off (meaning we've splitted a dozen of times) mainly because I won't remain silent when I find something disrespectful.
Last week we've decided to give it yet another shot. Much against my own instincts, but I'm a guy always full of hope, which turns out to be sometimes plain stupidity. In the middle of the last week however I met a psychologist girl in a party, and we chatted for hours, without any second intentions, just plain chat between two adults. And did it feel good. We exchanged contacts... However I didn't say anything to her for a while out of respect for my "girlfriend", not that I had any second thoughts but I didn't want to become a hypochrite.
A few days later we went to this dinner where one of the guys present (also 17) has a huge crush on her, and is a big friend of hers. Then I saw something that I didn't like at all, an exchange of affection like holding hands in a more... romantic way. I was pissed off, told her, and the reaction was a shrug and a look as "there he is again". I guess I could write a few dozens of paragraphs stating similar lacks of respect. We haven't had sex for a month now, she has lost libido or desire... And I guess I know what I have to do. To stop this relationship before it destroys me more, for I've grown anxiety crisis. The problem is... I just can't find the strength to do it. Don't know why. I just feel like shattered on the inside and easily manipulated.

This new woman who showed up in my life woke me up by making me see that I am still desirable (and god is she gorgeous) and apparently she has some interest in me. Nothing between us happened besides healthy conversation, nothing intimate, just plain talking. And it just felt awesome.

But I guess to enjoy this further I need to cut with the past which is still present.

Sorry about the rant, just need to let this all out before going to bed.
Thanks to anyone who reply :)
 
I

Irving Place

Member
Joined
Nov 21, 2008
Messages
10
now

live for the now.
It is your future too...
tha past isn't the only alternative... NOW is always an alternative.
best wishes,
IP
 
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