- Oct 20, 2019
- Augusta, Maine
Hi all, I've had OCD since I was around 13 year's old now I'm 51. My OCD started with contamination thoughts, I was afraid of certain people touching me. Later on in my life it turned into harm OCD, I would have terrible thoughts and images about killing my son, it got so bad that I thought I was going to sleep walk and kill him in my sleep. I would wake up terrified every morning and would intentionally shake him awake to see if he was alive. That was many years ago he's all grown up now. I still have the harm OCD, now it centers on certain individuals I have terrible thoughts and images about killing them. Stress always triggers it, I recently had a verbal incident with a close friend and my harm OCD went nuts! All I did was was have intrusive thoughts about killing him, I even was forming a plan. I couldn't put aside the anger and all the emotions I was experiencing, so I went into the VA hospital for about a week and that helped. I wish that I could manage my emotions better because when I'm triggered all hell break's loose in my mind and I can't deal with it. Not only do I have OCD I also have borderline personality disorder which makes everything worse. I know that I'm not the only one who has to deal with these mental issues, I just wanted to reach out to someone who can relate.