P
pinkmetalgirl
Active member
Ok. Have been posting for a while working up the courage to write something about what's going on for me at the mo. Think I can just about do it, so here goes
Backstory:
I withdrew from the meds back in spring last year. It was a good decision, despite the rebound psychosis I got, and it felt great to cope with the increase in voices and unusual thoughts myself. Its meant I've had to rearrange a bit about how I work (my concentration and multitasking were shot initially, but am feeling better and have found ways around it). Am loving being awake in the morning, tho, and feeling much more connected to stuff around me.
What's happening now:
Am on a part time uni course and had my first assignment in this week. Sensibly i know the stress has set off my voices and paranoia. It's not easy to reconcile the sensible bit and the bit that feels, tho. What I feel is that there are cameras in my house, that there's an implant in my neck (that's probably being used to mess with my brain) and that the course is an experiment. My voices are being really loud and are making it worse.
I've had a couple of days off to chill (made easier because I'm physically yuk at the mo with evil cold of doom) and get my head back in order. Also made an appt with my psych (who's started to be good about my lack of meds after a shaky start ... aren't expecting them to do anything - as I don't want meds and want to get thru without it - but am making a show of keeping them on board so that they don't get all twitchy and panicky)
I (mostly) know that this is a stress reaction (most of the time) but cus what I'm worried about is so real and pretty scary, it doesn't feel safe to ignore it. My head's caught in the spin cycle going back and forth between it's real, it's not real.
Luckily my hubbie is an angel. He gets it and is encouraging me to do things to chill my stress levels - relaxation, tai chi, music etc. I sort of know from previous experience that if I feel calmer, safer and in control the paranoia will start to ease. But then I'm worried about not paying attention to it and something bad happening to me.
Am back at work tomorrow, so need to find some ways of dealing with it by then. So far I have ...
iPod (helps to listen to music when I'm out and about so I can keep my mind focussed on that rather than the voices/thoughts - also makes me feel more confident and less exposed for some reason)
Notebook (writing down what i'm worried about and showing it to my hubbie so we can work through it - if he knows then I'm not alone with it ... it might also stop me obsessing about it cus that's all i've done all day so far apart from post on here)
Relaxation (keep stress levels intact)
Take a packed lunch and drink from home (so I don't have to worry about getting something from work that might have been tampered with)
A list of things to do at work (to help me keep my mind on the job rather than on what's worrying me)
I suppose it's just getting through it bit by bit. If it's stress, then it should get better when I get less stressed. If it's really happening it's so big that there's very little I can do about it anyway - might as well put my head down and get on with it. I'm a stubborn lass, which is both a good and bad thing I think.

Thanks for listening x
Backstory:
I withdrew from the meds back in spring last year. It was a good decision, despite the rebound psychosis I got, and it felt great to cope with the increase in voices and unusual thoughts myself. Its meant I've had to rearrange a bit about how I work (my concentration and multitasking were shot initially, but am feeling better and have found ways around it). Am loving being awake in the morning, tho, and feeling much more connected to stuff around me.
What's happening now:
Am on a part time uni course and had my first assignment in this week. Sensibly i know the stress has set off my voices and paranoia. It's not easy to reconcile the sensible bit and the bit that feels, tho. What I feel is that there are cameras in my house, that there's an implant in my neck (that's probably being used to mess with my brain) and that the course is an experiment. My voices are being really loud and are making it worse.
I've had a couple of days off to chill (made easier because I'm physically yuk at the mo with evil cold of doom) and get my head back in order. Also made an appt with my psych (who's started to be good about my lack of meds after a shaky start ... aren't expecting them to do anything - as I don't want meds and want to get thru without it - but am making a show of keeping them on board so that they don't get all twitchy and panicky)
I (mostly) know that this is a stress reaction (most of the time) but cus what I'm worried about is so real and pretty scary, it doesn't feel safe to ignore it. My head's caught in the spin cycle going back and forth between it's real, it's not real.
Luckily my hubbie is an angel. He gets it and is encouraging me to do things to chill my stress levels - relaxation, tai chi, music etc. I sort of know from previous experience that if I feel calmer, safer and in control the paranoia will start to ease. But then I'm worried about not paying attention to it and something bad happening to me.
Am back at work tomorrow, so need to find some ways of dealing with it by then. So far I have ...
iPod (helps to listen to music when I'm out and about so I can keep my mind focussed on that rather than the voices/thoughts - also makes me feel more confident and less exposed for some reason)
Notebook (writing down what i'm worried about and showing it to my hubbie so we can work through it - if he knows then I'm not alone with it ... it might also stop me obsessing about it cus that's all i've done all day so far apart from post on here)
Relaxation (keep stress levels intact)
Take a packed lunch and drink from home (so I don't have to worry about getting something from work that might have been tampered with)
A list of things to do at work (to help me keep my mind on the job rather than on what's worrying me)
I suppose it's just getting through it bit by bit. If it's stress, then it should get better when I get less stressed. If it's really happening it's so big that there's very little I can do about it anyway - might as well put my head down and get on with it. I'm a stubborn lass, which is both a good and bad thing I think.

Thanks for listening x