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Stress arghhhh

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dewey

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Thought I would make a post here about stress just to vent about my general feelings of stress overwhelming me because there's no one I can really talk to about it in real life.

If I do talk to someone, I feel terrible because I am burdening them with my shit, and even worse, I've pretty much always been an emotional disaster and I am tired of bringing others down with my shit so I'd rather keep it to myself.

So yeah, just want to post on here about how stressed I feel.

I keep having invasive thoughts of hurting myself all the time, when I'm in the middle of work, but at the same time I haven't actually done it because I don't want to make a mess and cause others more problems.
 
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dewey

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Literally just want to talk to someone. I feel so alone
 
megirl

megirl

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Dewey sorry you are struggling, guess you're off line now.
You are such an empathetic person which I believe should be a human condition. Umm..no not many people have true empathy and you most certainly do have it.
I sorry you are feeling so alone
Glad despite those thought of self harming youve been able to fight it. That's huge hey as you know we are here for you.
I know you are often supporting others other than you but at the moment take a step back as you are in need of support yourself xx
 
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dewey

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Dewey sorry you are struggling, guess you're off line now.
You are such an empathetic person which I believe should be a human condition. Umm..no not many people have true empathy and you most certainly do have it.
I sorry you are feeling so alone
Glad despite those thought of self harming youve been able to fight it. That's huge hey as you know we are here for you.
I know you are often supporting others other than you but at the moment take a step back as you are in need of support yourself xx
Thank you I appreciate this xx
 
Poppy2014

Poppy2014

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I am sorry you are struggling, stress is awful and at work it can be even more tough, especially if you are at work and there is no one to talk to. Are you absolutely sure there is no one at work you could trust and just dip your toes in the water, just happen to mention you are feeling stressed. See what happens.
I took a while, but I'm fairly open at work about all my conditions now. I found 1 person, then another had a different bit , and so on so I didn't overwhelm 1 person with everything but it also gave me a safe space.

The one thing I found out is that people are more open to listening than you think... and few people are phased by words like stressed out and I can guarantee you about 1/3 of the people you work with are in the same place.
You take care, you give a lot to other people. Think about the advice you would give if it was me writing this and then listen to yourself.

XX Poppy
 
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dewey

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I am sorry you are struggling, stress is awful and at work it can be even more tough, especially if you are at work and there is no one to talk to. Are you absolutely sure there is no one at work you could trust and just dip your toes in the water, just happen to mention you are feeling stressed. See what happens.
I took a while, but I'm fairly open at work about all my conditions now. I found 1 person, then another had a different bit , and so on so I didn't overwhelm 1 person with everything but it also gave me a safe space.

The one thing I found out is that people are more open to listening than you think... and few people are phased by words like stressed out and I can guarantee you about 1/3 of the people you work with are in the same place.
You take care, you give a lot to other people. Think about the advice you would give if it was me writing this and then listen to yourself.

XX Poppy
Hey Poppy thank you for your reply.
Well, currently am self employed so don't have colleagues as such. I think I've worked out the root cause of my stress and that has been helpful to me as I can take it up in therapy.

To be honest I get what you mean about being open in the workplace, but in the past being too too open about MH has got me into hot water as people used it against me, so I am very apprehensive about being open in future workplaces and to whom I should be open.

At least there are people who understand on here and won't judge or use it against you.

Xxx
 
Poppy2014

Poppy2014

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I understand about being too open, it has taken nearly 4 years for me to open up to about 6 people with the fact I have BPD, but last year I talked about it to 2 classes of students, explaining that people with MH problems come in all shapes and sizes, and the person they have spent 3 years talking to has her own problems.
IT opened their eyes a bit, because quite a few never thought of people with MH apart from stress and anxiety being able to work, never mind at the level I do.

Take care of yourself, sometimes finding your own answers is dangerous as you see the obvious and miss the reality.
 
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dewey

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I understand about being too open, it has taken nearly 4 years for me to open up to about 6 people with the fact I have BPD, but last year I talked about it to 2 classes of students, explaining that people with MH problems come in all shapes and sizes, and the person they have spent 3 years talking to has her own problems.
IT opened their eyes a bit, because quite a few never thought of people with MH apart from stress and anxiety being able to work, never mind at the level I do.

Take care of yourself, sometimes finding your own answers is dangerous as you see the obvious and miss the reality.
It is admirable you have been able to speak openly about your MH and probably changed the opinions of others. As a superior teaching other students, I would imagine this is a great context in which to talk about your mental health and share your personal experience, whilst educating others. You have the upper hand - you are an educator and in a position of authority, the best position in which to be in if you want to be open about mental health. Truly inspirational.

Finding one's own answers I find can be extremely affirming. For me, it develops my confidence in my own inner voice, something I have struggled with for years. At the same time, I understand it is wise to draw on a variety of opinions, to talk to and read as much as possible of others experiences to help inform one's own.
 
Poppy2014

Poppy2014

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I don't ever see it as a position of authority, actually at the point I'm talking about mental health I'm probably the most vulnerable person in the room. I'm just about to tell 150ish people that not only do I live in chronic pain but I have BPD and complex PTSD.
I made the decision based on the myths and beliefs some of the students have about MH which annoys me especially as they are student nurses.
It's worth it to put pain and mental health together, and (while I don't want to ignore depression and anxiety) take their minds away from the fact that people work with more than those conditions. I want illness like mine to become as acceptable as anxiety, stress and depression.
You continue to build those skills up, self reliance and awareness is an excellent place to get to.
 
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dewey

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I don't ever see it as a position of authority, actually at the point I'm talking about mental health I'm probably the most vulnerable person in the room. I'm just about to tell 150ish people that not only do I live in chronic pain but I have BPD and complex PTSD.
I made the decision based on the myths and beliefs some of the students have about MH which annoys me especially as they are student nurses.
It's worth it to put pain and mental health together, and (while I don't want to ignore depression and anxiety) take their minds away from the fact that people work with more than those conditions. I want illness like mine to become as acceptable as anxiety, stress and depression.
You continue to build those skills up, self reliance and awareness is an excellent place to get to.
Yes, it's funny how unaware people are about mental illness.

Generally, I have found some of the most judgemental opinions can come from those who clearly have with mental illness themselves (due to them quite obviously displaying symptoms) but repress their thoughts and won't face up to it.
A bit like the angry homophobe who is actually a closet gay and won't face up to it.

E.g. I have actually had a friend be highly critical of me for not being "strong", who then saw me in torment, and later apologised and admitted that he is bad at understanding and being sympathetic to mental illness probably because he has repressed so many of his own issues. Ideas about being "strong" can be a huge barrier to promoting awareness and acceptance of mental illness in society.


The stigma in speaking about mental illness is huge. In a previous job, I was complimented habitually for the amazing contribution i made to the work place, and given excellent feedback, yet my mental illness was known about in that same work place and I had a few 'blips' let's call them BPD bad days - extreme emotion, not holding it together etc. Those few days where things had got out of control were later used against me when I applied for a promotion. Despite being a highly conscientious and capable worker, my mental illness was used against me when applying for a promotion as I was told they didn't want to put 'more pressure on me'. Was this fair or unfair? From my end, for all the contributions, and extra sacrifices I had made, and everything I had given day in day out to the workplace, for all that to just be undone by the fact I had a few moments of low stress tolerance, was huge. From my end, it felt like discrimination, it felt unfair, and I regretted being so open about my mental illness to people who a) worked in a caring profession themselves and even had done mental illness research b) had appeared so 'open' about it. Of course, one might say I am just embittered I didn't get a promotion, but I hope you can also see it from my standpoint. When people see your vulnerability, despite appearing open, they can use it against you...
 
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dewey

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I don't ever see it as a position of authority, actually at the point I'm talking about mental health I'm probably the most vulnerable person in the room. I'm just about to tell 150ish people that not only do I live in chronic pain but I have BPD and complex PTSD.
I made the decision based on the myths and beliefs some of the students have about MH which annoys me especially as they are student nurses.
It's worth it to put pain and mental health together, and (while I don't want to ignore depression and anxiety) take their minds away from the fact that people work with more than those conditions. I want illness like mine to become as acceptable as anxiety, stress and depression.
You continue to build those skills up, self reliance and awareness is an excellent place to get to.
I might add working to improve awareness about mental illness is huge.

If you can do that as an educator, you're really using your time valuably, and it is 100% worth that feeling of vulnerability you are getting. It takes strength and we need more people to do it. I only hope when I'm one day wiser I can maybe aspire to do similar
 
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