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strength not to go back



May 4, 2018
about a year ago i broke up with my boyfriend of 3 years. he was a narcissist, extremely abusive, and really messed me up. i have been having an extremely difficult time getting over him. due to friend situations, i saw him for the first time in a long while the other day and it really broke me. heres the thing, ive recieved counseling, and i see through his games. i know how he works, feels (or lack thereof) and i know he never did love me. i know his agenda and i know he sees me as nothing more than an ego boost. i get it. even tho i understand these things and the twisted way he works i still want to be with him. even tho he hurt me in all ways possible, mentally, emotionally, physically, even tho i KNOW he would just throw me away again and again, i would take him back no questions asked. because this time ive spent without him hurts ten times more than the hurt he caused me. i hurt more now than i did with him. i am suicidal, and its not just because i miss him even tho this is a big piece of the whole problem, and im really losing my motivation. i know i mean nothing to him but honestly i dont care. im really holding on to the statistic that narcissists most always try to come back, which he has multiple times in the past. i feel like such a loser, im literally sitting around waiting for my sicko ex boyfriend to come pick up his leftovers. but i cant help it and i dont know what to do. either way i lose. i try to get help, i try to move on and heal i really do but its not working. i know im stupid, i know this is a stupid and pathetic thing to be so upset over. please, any advice? it would mean lots <3


Active member
May 21, 2017
You can do it! Please know and believe you deserve to be loved well. You do not deserve to be abused. Leslie Vernick's book, "Emotionally Destructive Relationships" helped me to understand that God did not call me to be a doormat and I did not have to repeat old patterns of negative behavior. I did have to start new thinking, behaviors, and believing I can be a different type of person. Please consider check it out. The Emotionally Destructive Relationship