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Strange

S

SumplyGood

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I remember me and my friend fooling around (both male) when we were younger (I was 9 & he was 1 year younger) and for the past 3 days I have been unable to get much rest because this has been playing on my mind in the most severe way. I have a fear of not being able to sleep because it makes me feel like crap for the next day and dread the nighttime and having hypnic jerks to go with it. I can't ever tell anyone because that would make them think I am the strangest person ever.
I am 25 now. I close my eyes and can't relax because my chest feels so tight. We basically started watching porn movies and started kissing but as a play type thing. Then I him pulling down his pants and me trying to put my private part into him. I don't think I did it fully because I wasn't developed enough. It horrors me now even thinking about doing something like it and I'm not gay. He moved away about 14 years ago so don't see him no more. I have horrific OCD and I feel like I won't ever be able to sleep properly again because of this thought that keeps coming back.
I was just wondering if it's happened to anyone else.
 
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calypso

calypso

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Hiya

YOung children do all sorts of things when they are learning about their sexuality and its not uncommon. It doesn't mean you are gay or not really at that age. Intrusive thoughts are awful and I suspect you are suffering from them. Have you ever thought about trying Mindfulness to get you living more in the present and less in the past or allowing the thoughts to run away from you. Intrusive thoughts are very common to many on here.

I wish I could suggest more and hope others will be along soon to help you and support you.
 
S

SumplyGood

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No I haven't but have heard a lot about it, will give it a try. Do you think a tight chest and fears about not sleeping well will last forever due to this thought?
 
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Foxjo

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No I haven't but have heard a lot about it, will give it a try. Do you think a tight chest and fears about not sleeping well will last forever due to this thought?
Try some meditation or mindfulness techniques to try and help you push those intrusive thoughts to one side. They wont last forever, the more you obsess over them the more they will feel like they are in control.
Remember they are just thoughts you know you are not gay. Try not to chase the thoughts try some of the techniques i mentioned.
Hugs
Fox
 
S

SumplyGood

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Try some meditation or mindfulness techniques to try and help you push those intrusive thoughts to one side. They wont last forever, the more you obsess over them the more they will feel like they are in control.
Remember they are just thoughts you know you are not gay. Try not to chase the thoughts try some of the techniques i mentioned.
Hugs
Fox
Thanks a lot for the tips. It's not the thought that I'm gay that disturbs me it's more the thought that I did something horrific makes it hard to rest at all. Would you say it was?

P.S how do I answer your questions?
 
Foxjo

Foxjo

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We all explore as children, you were not to know what you were doing was something you shouldnt have.
Its not your fault.
 
SunnyDaze

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It's normal for kids to explore.

At that young of an age I am wondering if it was something you had learned somewhere?
 
S

SumplyGood

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Found a copy of a porn tape and decided to copy it. Not really knowing what I was doing he just pulled down his trousers.
 
SunnyDaze

SunnyDaze

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Well there ya go,that's why you did that,just copying what you saw.It was nothing horrible.You were a young child.

It really is normal for kids to explore.Do a google search about it and you will see for yourself.

Just tell yourself you were a kid,no big deal,when you think about it.
 
S

SumplyGood

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Thanks so much for replying by the way.
I mean the video was playing as I tried it. He was laughing the whole way through. I just did a Google search and there are a lot about this subject. It's just the thought that my private part touched his opening (all I could think of) disgusts me and I think that no other children have ever done something like that to each other. I try to close my eyes to get some sleep but the flashbacks bug me. I'd never even thought too much of it until last week. I suffer from derealisation anyway but it's just got even worse.
 
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SunnyDaze

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Trust me,you were not the first and only child to do something like that and you certainly were not the last either.

I understand why the obsessive thoughts would be there,but honestly,it's not horrible or anything.I have stories I could share but they're way too graphic for here.

If this is bothering you this much maybe seeing a counselor or therapist might be a good idea to help you work through it.
 
S

SumplyGood

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Would I have to tell a therapist what happened because that would be so embarrassing and mortifying. Do you think a mixture of meds and mind techniques may alievate things?
 
SunnyDaze

SunnyDaze

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Well, yeah,if you want help working through it,then yes,you would need to tell a therapist.It wouldn't be anything they've never heard before though.And if you can't say it out loud there's other options,like email,writing it down,etc.

IDK what would help you with this,but I do think a professional would be beneficial to you.
 
H

Helen1960

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Anxiety makes us blow things up out of all proportion. You haven't thought of this before because it is unimportant. But anxiety being what it is, plucked it from your memory and made it a problem.

Helen x
 
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Helen1960

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Meant to say

If you can try to recognise that it's your anxiety that is the problem just now. I have had allsorts of strange thoughts come up. They're there for a while and go.
 
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