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strange, concerning experience....worried that my condition is worsening/becoming something else

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badger_in_furs

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strange, concerning experience....worried that my condition is worsening/becoming something else

I was formerly diagnosed with clinical depression 3 months ago and was prescribed 10 mg Lexapro which was recently bumped up to 20 mg. I've been experiencing the symptoms of depression for at least four years, but have been too afraid to seek help until just recently. This morning after I showered something really weird happened. I looked at myself in the mirror and started harming myself (not the first time I've self-harmed) for a long time. Then as I looked into my eyes I got the sense that I wasn't real, that the person in the mirror wasn't me, and then, finally, that nothing was real, which made me want to kill myself (I think about suicide daily, so this isn't that weird). I've experienced depersonalization before, but the last time that happened was two years ago. I had to go and curl up in a ball and close my eyes and just breathe until I felt like I could get a grip on "reality." I still don't feel like anything makes sense right now. Fortunately, I have an appointment with a psychiatrist later this afternoon, so I can discuss it with her then. I just felt like I needed to get this out now to sort of put it in perspective and ground me a little bit. Sorry if this was dumb. Has anyone else had similar experiences/have a guess as to what might be going on? Again, sorry if this was totally pointless.
 
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Nikita

Nikita

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:welcome:Badger_in_furs,

I know depersonalisation feelings can be very distressing.Best to discuss it with your psychiatrist,he/she may have an answer to how to deal with these feelings.Depression is difficult to deal with day in day out and suicidal depression is very distressing,if it is anything like it was for me there was a dark cloud hanging above me and a deep dark pit below me that I was constantly falling into.
Hopefully you can come through it and out the tunnel into the light.I was unable to until I tried ECT!

I hope you enjoy the forum and find support here.Nikitax
 
Poopy Doll

Poopy Doll

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badger in furs, welcome to the forum. What you wrote is not dumb. I use to look into the mirror and hate what I saw, who I saw. Something the Buddhists from Tibet taught me, is that I need to love myself like I was a mother loving a child. The psychiatrist can help you but you need to love your own self. To stop hating myself I had to buy a doll and pretend it was me as a child. I hugged that doll. This is called inner child therapy.
 
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