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stopped meds (again!) and now feel awful

I

ixolite

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Joined
Oct 24, 2009
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20
Location
in my head
i think i'm going to have to eat humble pie - again!

went to see psych and got cross said she didn't listen and had thought of taking overdose in waiting room to make her listen but knew this stupid cos would just admit me
said psych drugs were poison didn't tell her i had stopped taking back in may ish
when she suggest inc dose of carbamazepine just refused
had asked me to stop rispiridone at last appt. 3 mths ago didn't tell her already had stopped so when she asked had stopping it made any difference didn't say anything
I was soo theatrical saying I was in my own private hell nothing worked and had real problem with accepting had a personality problem
Told her I wasn’t sleeping very well

So I’ve calmed down now, done a writing problems down and coming up with possible solutions. One of which was to trawl net so I would realise I wasn’t alone. Trouble is have realised I am so BPD it hurts, also that meds do work cos feel bad when stop them.

So problem I want your help with is how and who do I ask for help to get me over this really bad time while I get back onto meds again. At moment I just want to be zapped out as I’m so agitated/ angry/ despair ready to do something stupid. I’ve done this before it’s my way of proving to myself that I do need meds that I really hate taking

I find it really difficult to talk to anyone so that’s why I’m trying the anonyminity of posting here.
 
A

Apotheosis

Guest
Hi

Some of us find meds a very hard issue. I know, for one, that I struggle, & have struggled immensely with medication treatments.
 
dib4uk

dib4uk

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Jul 23, 2009
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south london,england
ixolite- hello there.

Personally for me the medicines that they've perscribed to me has helped me control my mood swings, I still have them, they can be bad as hell itself, but, the thing for me is that finally i might be able to have some form of control.

Maybe u need to restart taking the medicines and they might've been helping you?
 
I

ixolite

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Joined
Oct 24, 2009
Messages
20
Location
in my head
yes i've decided to take meds again

do i own up to having stopped them tho

as a bit shaky at mo wondering if i need a bit of help while get meds back into system and if i ask risk them saying no as i have made myself ill

worried that psych won't want me to restart rispiridone as she asked me to stop (all be it after i had stopped anyway) but it does help me sleep and keep calm zopiclone only helps short term as not supposed to keep taking it then sleep worse when stop it so zopiclone a bit of a vicious circle

another thing if i go to GP tomorrow and own up and ask for help will i be accused of playing one off against another its just that GP more available and easier to talk to. never got over fear of psychs
/\--/\
( o.o )
>0<
 
Q

quality factor

Guest
Hi, maybe you are anticipating too many things. I would be honest with the doc and say how bad you feel and you need some help again.
It is not wise to suddenly stop taking meds as you may have a bad reaction, meds should only be stopped with professional help. It is a situation some people get into in that they feel better so they stop taking their meds, in some cases these people may have been better off taking a maintenance dose each day.
Good luck anyway and tell us how you get on.

QF.
 
I

ixolite

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Joined
Oct 24, 2009
Messages
20
Location
in my head
just an update

tried to get appt with GP yesterday phoned at 10 past 8 and all appt gone offerered a phone call by doctor i didn't know so said no.

realised i really needed some support and help with deciding what to do so when down to local Mind group also needed to go somewhere amongst others to keep safe from self harm. able to talk things through and they contacted GP surgery to arrange for GP i know and trust to ring me and told me to ask for crisis team

GP couldn't ring till 3pm tried team but told he had to see me before referral so saw him at 5pm and he said he would refer me and that the system stinks

i had a day of extreme anxiety was so tired fell asleep in chair

/\--/\
( o.o )
>~<


woken up today in a panic again as anxious over whether crisis team will take me on

is stopping meds a subtle form of self harm or just denial
 
M

mizunderstood

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is stopping meds a subtle form of self harm or just denial

Interesting point. I think you could be right. I had a psychotic episode in 2004 and have been on medication since. I have tried to come off Olanzapine several times as I felt I didn't need them and didn't want to be medicated. As the RHCP's say "The medicated state of mid is over-rated". However I always end up back on them -partly down to my own paranoia thinking I can't do without them . I have not been diagnosed with a specific condition and therefore didn't understand why I needed the medicaition. At one point I came off them to see if I did go psychotic which would prove I did infact need them. A part of me wishes I were pyschotic rather than having a medicated state of mind, in which case would denote self harm. I most recently came off the tablets without telling my GP for 3 months but ended up ill and had to eat humble pie. I think stopping meds can be both a form of self-harm and/or denial. In my case its the opposite of denial as I am trying to establish if I have infact got a mental Illness, and coming off meds is the only way I can prove that I may have, so in effect I don't take them to confirm that I need them, I suppose you could suggest that it is a form of self harm - to allow yourself to loose touch on reality just to see if its the tablets that keep me in check. I personally have not stopped brcause of denial as I havn't got anything to deny (Yet). Im currently waiting for an assessment to establish wether I have an underlying condition or not and If I don't I won't be taking my meds. They make me feel emotionally inept and not give a shit about anything apart from myself. I hate being on the tablets but I can't prove that I don't need them without coming off them and coping sucsessfully. Hopefully I'll get the support I need if and when I do come off Olanzapine.
 
Gail

Gail

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Nov 13, 2009
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272
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In la la land
always be honest with gp/pdoc about stopping meds otherwise it can come back and bit you on the bum. How can they help you if you dont be honest with them Goodluck
 
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