"Stop feeling sorry for yourself"... what?

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dewey

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#1
Why would anyone say:
'stop feeling sorry for yourself, there's plenty of people out there in a far worse position from you'
It's like these people don't actually understand. Day in day out, you feel hopeless, like there's no point to life, like you have no future, and you're told 'stop feeling sorry for yourself'? I don't get this turn of phrase at all.
 
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dewey

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#2
People always want to make others shut down their emotions so they can 'function' and put on a happy face. Well in reality it's not like that.
Depression engulfs you and makes you feel self-hatred, and self-hatred is beyond self-pity.
Nobody wants to feel depressed.
 
L

Lunar Lady

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#3
I can understand it's not helpful when you're feeling on the floor - right up there with "pull yourself together." :mad:

However...there are millions out there who would gladly trade places with you. :hug: You are entitled to your own emotions Dewey - but it does help to acknowledge to yourself that you're blessed in so many ways. xx
 
SunnyDaze

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#4
I have had it said to me before and even though it hurts,I know that feeling sorry for myself is not helpful at all.All it does is make everything worse for me and I spiral down even further.

I try so hard to not get caught up in self pity but sometimes it's impossible.I know that I can't move forward if I'm caught up in it though.
 
D

D11

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#5
Because there are people out there who do have it worse. You may have it bad, but others do have it worse realistically. It may be hard to pull yourself together but it is possible, you just have to try. Don't let a bad day make you have a bad life.
 
IndigoJo

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#6
A man drowning in 6ft deep water and a man drowning in a puddle is the same they are both drowning...

People do not realise that both people are feeling the same regardless on how deep the water is.

Doesn't help living in a world of naive people.
 
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dewey

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#7
I can understand it's not helpful when you're feeling on the floor - right up there with "pull yourself together." :mad:

However...there are millions out there who would gladly trade places with you. :hug: You are entitled to your own emotions Dewey - but it does help to acknowledge to yourself that you're blessed in so many ways. xx
I think there's just a great simplicity to telling someone to stop feeling sorry for themselves, as if depression is as simple as that.
As depression is more linked with self loathing and self harm it suggests that the person is actually over punishing themselves, not feeling sorry for themselves. The two are different ideas.
It also suggests that a depressed person has control over depression which quite often they can't control it and don't actually want to be depressed.
 
Urban Hermit

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#8
I nearly didn't post this... I'm at a loss for words...

But .. as each of us experiences life unique to us ... It's impossible to say who has it worst, and that's not the point. We shouldn't compare our selves to others .. I think what Dewey is saying is that people say things like " pull yourself together" "stop feeling sorry for yourself.." and other BS ...
If it were that simple we'd all be happy and stable a the time .... Those things sound to we like the sort of thing someone says when they have no idea of the turmoil and pain of mental health issues or lacks genuine compassion...

Just my thoughts

... Be kind to everyone you meet because you don't know their story ...

Xx
 
D

dewey

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#9
I can understand it's not helpful when you're feeling on the floor - right up there with "pull yourself together." :mad:

However...there are millions out there who would gladly trade places with you. :hug: You are entitled to your own emotions Dewey - but it does help to acknowledge to yourself that you're blessed in so many ways. xx
Yes it does help to acknowledge for example one has a roof over ones head, and isn't locked up somewhere in a sex dungeon being exploited for money, for example, but when one's own depression feels like such a prison anyway, it isn't much use to tell a depressed person there are people in a better circumstances
 
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dewey

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#10
I have had it said to me before and even though it hurts,I know that feeling sorry for myself is not helpful at all.All it does is make everything worse for me and I spiral down even further.

I try so hard to not get caught up in self pity but sometimes it's impossible.I know that I can't move forward if I'm caught up in it though.
What even is feeling sorry for oneself though?
That implies one is pitying oneself?
I don't see myself as a self pitier, I see myself as someone who has for most of my life been engulfed by a black cloud that despite strenuous efforts to control it, I often am in situations where I have no control over the black cloud. It's different to feeling sorry
 
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dewey

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#11
A man drowning in 6ft deep water and a man drowning in a puddle is the same they are both drowning...

People do not realise that both people are feeling the same regardless on how deep the water is.

Doesn't help living in a world of naive people.
I get this, I feel we're on the same wavelength.
If you feel trapped in a situation you feel trapped.
 
L

Lunar Lady

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#12
A man drowning in 6ft deep water and a man drowning in a puddle is the same they are both drowning...

People do not realise that both people are feeling the same regardless on how deep the water is.

Doesn't help living in a world of naive people.
I (very respectfully) disagree JoviCharles.

A man drowning will be dead within minutes and his life has ended.

A man who feels like he's drowning can keep breathing until the feeling passes.

People out there right now, around the world, fighting just to stay alive...just to see another day. They would all change places with us - we're the lucky ones x
 
D

dewey

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#13
I nearly didn't post this... I'm at a loss for words...

But .. as each of us experiences life unique to us ... It's impossible to say who has it worst, and that's not the point. We shouldn't compare our selves to others .. I think what Dewey is saying is that people say things like " pull yourself together" "stop feeling sorry for yourself.." and other BS ...
If it were that simple we'd all be happy and stable a the time .... Those things sound to we like the sort of thing someone says when they have no idea of the turmoil and pain of mental health issues or lacks genuine compassion...

Just my thoughts

... Be kind to everyone you meet because you don't know their story ...

Xx
Words of wisdom.
xx
 
IndigoJo

IndigoJo

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#14
I (very respectfully) disagree JoviCharles.

A man drowning will be dead within minutes and his life has ended.

A man who feels like he's drowning can keep breathing until the feeling passes.

People out there right now, around the world, fighting just to stay alive...just to see another day. They would all change places with us - we're the lucky ones x

That's a fair comment but my point is nit the drowning...

So I think you've misunderstood my comment and taken literally.

Most people would die of shame marooned on an Island not hunger is the appropriate explication for what you said I believe.


It don't matter the fact is we both men are feeling the same way. So treat each persons problems as if they were worse rather than saying man up I'm drowning more than you as the water is deeper. Make sense?
 
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dewey

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#15
I (very respectfully) disagree JoviCharles.

A man drowning will be dead within minutes and his life has ended.

A man who feels like he's drowning can keep breathing until the feeling passes.

People out there right now, around the world, fighting just to stay alive...just to see another day. They would all change places with us - we're the lucky ones x
But don't you also think that in various kinds of relationships the continuous, emotional hell some people inflict on others for example, or the being overwhelmed by severe depression and genuinely wanting to die, is not an enviable position to be in either.

The unfortunate thing with the depression is that though the feeling may pass and you can 'keep breathing til it passes', it does in 99% of cases, come back, and then back again, and so on, which is a very tiring experience. Depending on the severity of the depression a person may feel very low almost all the time. Yes, they have the opportunity e.g. through therapy to make it better long term, but at the same time, that doesn't change the fact that the feelings are often out of their control and the frustration of the depression coming back when the person doesn't even want the depression.
I think telling someone to stop feeling sorry for themselves, (given in most cases the person isn't feeling sorry for themselves but rather feeling overwhelmed by self-loathing and self-destroying impulses) and also telling them that there are millions of people out there who would love to be in their position, and as depressed as that, is a bit silly.

I think when people say these things they are genuinely trying to give the most helpful advice but they fail to understand the situations in which a person isn't in control over their depression, the nature of what depression actually is (i.e. not feeling sorry for oneself but a disease) and also that few people out there would actually want to be depressed, including the depressed person themself
 
SunnyDaze

SunnyDaze

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#16
What even is feeling sorry for oneself though?
That implies one is pitying oneself?
I don't see myself as a self pitier, I see myself as someone who has for most of my life been engulfed by a black cloud that despite strenuous efforts to control it, I often am in situations where I have no control over the black cloud. It's different to feeling sorry
Oh so they say it when you're not feeling sorry for yourself.That's different than what I'm talking about.I meant I have heard it when I'm saying "I hate my life,look at everything that's happened to me,I wasn't even meant to be,I am just a worthless product of incest",etc. I think I need to hear it at those times even though it hurts.

If you're hearing it because you are depressed then that's not right at all.And probably makes you feel even worse
 
IndigoJo

IndigoJo

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#17
But don't you also think that in various kinds of relationships the continuous, emotional hell some people inflict on others for example, or the being overwhelmed by severe depression and genuinely wanting to die, is not an enviable position to be in either.

The unfortunate thing with the depression is that though the feeling may pass and you can 'keep breathing til it passes', it does in 99% of cases, come back, and then back again, and so on, which is a very tiring experience. Depending on the severity of the depression a person may feel very low almost all the time. Yes, they have the opportunity e.g. through therapy to make it better long term, but at the same time, that doesn't change the fact that the feelings are often out of their control and the frustration of the depression coming back when the person doesn't even want the depression.
I think telling someone to stop feeling sorry for themselves, (given in most cases the person isn't feeling sorry for themselves but rather feeling overwhelmed by self-loathing and self-destroying impulses) and also telling them that there are millions of people out there who would love to be in their position, and as depressed as that, is a bit silly.

I think when people say these things they are genuinely trying to give the most helpful advice but they fail to understand the situations in which a person isn't in control over their depression, the nature of what depression actually is (i.e. not feeling sorry for oneself but a disease) and also that few people out there would actually want to be depressed, including the depressed person themself

You tell kids to stop feeling sorry for yourself when they don't get a candy. You do not tell people you don't know or most cases at all to atop feeling sorry regardless of mental health.

I'm not a god I haven't that answer I'm a young man making myself distant to the human race.

But you never kick a man down because yes you may have your opinion but that person needs a hand up.

Self loathing is in our nature as humans. Were not the only ones feeling that. 99% of my relationships fail for self loathing.

However if you say that to someone... Just expect a fuck you when they've made it better and progressed and your on the floor crying yourself that's karma.

Preach love most of us here cant or haven't got access to it.
 
D

dewey

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#18
"I hate my life,look at everything that's happened to me,I wasn't even meant to be,I am just a worthless product of incest"
You say you call yourself 'worthless' but calling yourself 'worthless' sounds like depression, not self pity to me.
It sounds like you're beating yourself up or punishing for something, rather than giving yourself sympathy and feeling sorry for you.
Notice my distinction?
 
SunnyDaze

SunnyDaze

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#19
You say you call yourself 'worthless' but calling yourself 'worthless' sounds like depression, not self pity to me.
It sounds like you're beating yourself up or punishing for something, rather than giving yourself sympathy and feeling sorry for you.
Notice my distinction?
To me,and for me,it's self pity when I do that,which in return makes me feel depressed and miserable.It's not the other way around,not because I am depressed.

I know this because once I stop feeling sorry for myself(self pity,beating myself up,punishing myself,etc) the depression lifts.Maybe not completely but it sure makes a big difference.Who isn't going to feel depressed when they dwell on everything that's bad about themselves and their life?It's only natural to feel that way.
 
megirl

megirl

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#20
No you're not feeling sorry for yourself. You're not well. What are we meant to do when we're not well? Jump around for the sake of it?!!
Depression takes away all joy and pleasure out of life, drains all our energy. That's the nature of the illness. People who have no idea what its like to be mentally unwell shouldn't make unsupportive comments.
You need to try and be kind to yourself and take things slowly, and avoid people that can't be supportive of you
 

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