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Still worry about my ex sometimes - even after abusive relationsho

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GeorgeSmith

Member
Joined
Sep 2, 2020
Messages
9
Location
Ontario
Hi all.

I got out of an abusive relationship three years ago. I am very much over her romantically, but occasionally think about her/worry about her. I also worry about hurting her feelings so I’ve never deleted her from social media/blocked her from anything and I am always willing to reply to her or say hi if I see her.

This is causing major tension and possibly breaking up my current relationshp. I’m very much in love with my current partner and I would hate for it to end over this.

I’m wondering if anyone can share experiences with not fully being able to let go of an abusive partner - maybe any articles or podcasts if they’re out there (I haven’t been able to find anything on this specifically)
 
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Murasakibee

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 25, 2020
Messages
233
Location
Midwest USA
Hi all.

I got out of an abusive relationship three years ago. I am very much over her romantically, but occasionally think about her/worry about her. I also worry about hurting her feelings so I’ve never deleted her from social media/blocked her from anything and I am always willing to reply to her or say hi if I see her.

This is causing major tension and possibly breaking up my current relationshp. I’m very much in love with my current partner and I would hate for it to end over this.

I’m wondering if anyone can share experiences with not fully being able to let go of an abusive partner - maybe any articles or podcasts if they’re out there (I haven’t been able to find anything on this specifically)
Actually I can relate, I dated this guy for nearly a year and the whole time, he was very abusive towards me.
But I still have on my friends list and I feel bad for him and I worry about hurting his feelings, even when hes hurting mine

I am not in a relationship right now but I can relate with the whole not being able to cut contact thing. I worry about him a lot even though he just uses my feelings
 
G

GeorgeSmith

Member
Joined
Sep 2, 2020
Messages
9
Location
Ontario
I spent 2 years trying to get out of the relationship and whenever I tried she would threaten me or herself. 3 years later there is still the “I can’t reject her incase she will harm herself” feeling inside of me, but my current partner thinks that means I still have feelings for my ex.

I’m not mad or upset that my current partner feels that way, I’m mad at myself that I’m ruining an amazing relationship because I can’t let the ex go 100%
 
bpd2020

bpd2020

Well-known member
Joined
May 25, 2020
Messages
3,749
Location
England
I think abusers manipulate us into thinking they are vulnerable and we can make excuses for their behaviour. If you are the child of abusive parents you can still worry about them and be in touch in order not to hurt them. They have conditioned us into this unhealthy relationship.
 
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Murasakibee

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 25, 2020
Messages
233
Location
Midwest USA
I spent 2 years trying to get out of the relationship and whenever I tried she would threaten me or herself. 3 years later there is still the “I can’t reject her incase she will harm herself” feeling inside of me, but my current partner thinks that means I still have feelings for my ex.

I’m not mad or upset that my current partner feels that way, I’m mad at myself that I’m ruining an amazing relationship because I can’t let the ex go 100%
Yeah that is what he does to me too. He says he will commit suicide or self harm again because he will be all alone.
 
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