Still struggling with past event

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khuang

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#1
*Trigger Warning for sexual assault*

A few months ago I had made a topic about how I was not sure what to do about me being sexually assaulted since I now have no legal right to press charges against my attacker. This has bothered me greatly and I am having a very hard time dealing with the knowledge that he could still be a sexual predator and I could have put an end to all of it. I joined a weekly online chat room for male survivors but I don’t think it’s enough. I live in Pennsylvania and the statute of limitations really screwed me over. I was assaulted in school in front of other boys the first time and after that it happened for months in the locker room every time I turned to face the lockers. My feelings towards this have become even worse since the list of named priests came out in the state. I was a minor when my incident occurred and I deserve both closure and justice. I know the world isn’t fair and I’m definitely not saying it should or has to be but at least give me something so i can leave all of this in the past. I’m afraid I’ll freak out if any guy I am dating touches me the same exact way and he’ll abandon me because of it. There’s so much I have to deal with here and there is almost nothing I can do to make it better. My life has been a mess since it happened and I tried so hard to repress for nearly twenty years. It’s a wonder I didn’t develop a substance abuse problem trying to cope with everything.

Everyday I wonder if he has hurt more people and I feel guilty because I didn’t stop him when I had a chance. I can’t stand having that thought. I’ve suffered so long because of him and the assault was one of the reasons I started to self harm for awhile. It just isn’t fair that he has gone on so long unpunished yet I keep suffering from the trauma he caused me.
 
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khuang

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#3
The reason why I can’t press charges is because according to Pennsylvania’s statue of limitations, I only had until my 30th birthday to file a claim to the police because I was assaulted as a minor. I found out about the statute when I was 32. If I was assaulted as an adult I only have two years to tell the police. Now I can’t do a thing to the guy unless someone else comes forward and says he sexually assaulted them too which will probably never happen. I wish so much that I could post his full name and publicly shame him without legal consequences.
 
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Helena1

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#5
Was it an adult or another minor?

I think it is normal to think like that but if they were a repeat offender they would be likely be caught by now. they don't seem like the brightest spark assaulting you in public.
 
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khuang

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#6
He was my age. The worst part is he knew exactly where to go to violate me repeatedly and it seemed like he knew what he was doing. He only got a three day out of school suspension which is virtually nothing.
 
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Helena1

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He was my age. The worst part is he knew exactly where to go to violate me repeatedly and it seemed like he knew what he was doing. He only got a three day out of school suspension which is virtually nothing.
if the school knew about it they should have reported it to the police. that is quite shocking.
if he does reoffend then it is the schools fault and not yours, you were only a child and a victim.
 
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khuang

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#8
if the school knew about it they should have reported it to the police. that is quite shocking.
if he does reoffend then it is the schools fault and not yours, you were only a child and a victim.
This was almost 18 years ago. Things were quite different then. This was before the Catholic Church scandal blew up and anti-bullying methods were put into place. I just refused to talk to anyone about what had happened back then because I actually thought if I repressed it and pretended it never happened then it would go away and had never happened.
 
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khuang

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#9
they don't seem like the brightest spark assaulting you in public.
Sad thing is he actually wasn’t that smart yet still went to an Ivy League school probably because his parents made some donation to the school. And he was considered “gifted” despite being as gifted as a broken iPod and yet I was able to memorize songs and play familiar parts on the piano when I was eight but I wasn’t considered gifted just because I struggled with math and a couple other subjects due to being undiagnosed with Asperger’s at the time.
 
SunnyDaze

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#10
I'm sorry for what you have been through.

Are you seeing anyone to help you work through all of this?it's possible you could have PTSD from it.
 
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khuang

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#11
I'm sorry for what you have been through.

Are you seeing anyone to help you work through all of this?it's possible you could have PTSD from it.
I see a therapist and have been participating regularly in an online chat room supporting male survivors of sexual assault and abuse. I don’t think it’s enough but my area has limited resources for male victims. Female victims have all sorts of support in my area though which really isn’t fair.
 
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IWILLOBTAINMENTALHEALTH

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#12
I see a therapist and have been participating regularly in an online chat room supporting male survivors of sexual assault and abuse. I don’t think it’s enough but my area has limited resources for male victims. Female victims have all sorts of support in my area though which really isn’t fair.
I'm sorry that isn't fair. Even as a woman that upsets me that we have more access to battered spouses shelters, and get sexual assault taken more seriously. Men can get beat in relationships and raped too. At least men are getting the equality they deserve in the court room as far as custody of children if he's the better parent and alimony from ex wives. I hope you get the support you need. Too many men commit suicide because they feel like their can't talk about their feelings. :hug:
 
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khuang

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#13
I'm sorry that isn't fair. Even as a woman that upsets me that we have more access to battered spouses shelters, and get sexual assault taken more seriously. Men can get beat in relationships and raped too. At least men are getting the equality they deserve in the court room as far as custody of children if he's the better parent and alimony from ex wives. I hope you get the support you need. Too many men commit suicide because they feel like their can't talk about their feelings. :hug:
I honestly hate the feeling that I’m helpless being a victim of sexual assault. It really has messed up my entire life and I deserve some sort of justice and closure. I don’t think anyone should have to go through what I went though. It’s even harder because of the stigma that if it happens to a guy then he’s not really a man. I can’t do anything but try to continue living my life knowing what happened to me and sometimes it’s hard just to do that. I just want the monster to go to prison for a few years and lose everything that was handed to h8m and have him learn there are consequences for his actions and that life won’t be handed to him and that it is very difficult for some people. Honestly I’d probably laugh if some prisoners violated him like he did to me as a form of poetic justice and he sees the horrors he left on me when he assaulted me for months and went unpunished for it after the first time. I know it sounds harsh but he does need to learn how damaging his actions were on me and that I can never get back the things he took from me when he inappropriately touched me. He deserves to suffer. The monster just deserves that. He doesn’t deserve to be happy or have such a good life without getting what he deserves. I know I’m angry and bitter towards him but I feel like I’m entitled to feel that way and I refuse to forgive him because in my opinion it’s like giving him a “Get Out of Jail For Free” card and makes my suffering and humiliation caused by him pointless and that it was okay he violated me.
 
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IWILLOBTAINMENTALHEALTH

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#14
I honestly hate the feeling that I’m helpless being a victim of sexual assault. It really has messed up my entire life and I deserve some sort of justice and closure. I don’t think anyone should have to go through what I went though. It’s even harder because of the stigma that if it happens to a guy then he’s not really a man. I can’t do anything but try to continue living my life knowing what happened to me and sometimes it’s hard just to do that. I just want the monster to go to prison for a few years and lose everything that was handed to h8m and have him learn there are consequences for his actions and that life won’t be handed to him and that it is very difficult for some people. Honestly I’d probably laugh if some prisoners violated him like he did to me as a form of poetic justice and he sees the horrors he left on me when he assaulted me for months and went unpunished for it after the first time. I know it sounds harsh but he does need to learn how damaging his actions were on me and that I can never get back the things he took from me when he inappropriately touched me. He deserves to suffer. The monster just deserves that. He doesn’t deserve to be happy or have such a good life without getting what he deserves. I know I’m angry and bitter towards him but I feel like I’m entitled to feel that way and I refuse to forgive him because in my opinion it’s like giving him a “Get Out of Jail For Free” card and makes my suffering and humiliation caused by him pointless and that it was okay he violated me.
I agree with you 100%. Let him have what he did to you happen to him in prison. I would laugh too. The punishment should match the crime in my opinion. :)
 

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