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Still overly attached to mother and childhood. Anyone?

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DianneM

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Croatia
I'm adult female, 24 years old. I live with my parents still til I graduate (next year ). All my life I felt like my relation to my parents (especially mother) are not so common. My mom is very great mother to me and my sister, but I have deep emotional attachment to her from childhood, like I can't" leave her alone". I sometimes regress talking to her (like a 6 year old child) I do everything that she would probably want me to do, behave the way she would like, her answers are most important to me/like truth. Every problem even small I tell her, every situation. But there is no need, she was never controlling! She is so normal mother, even never even strict! In my puberty I had episodes of physosis and she was only one there for me. I only "like" my friends/other family members, don't feel sad if they go, like here is my mom! Because all my love I give is to my mom. It's like anyone would not be important to me, like they come and go. But I forgot one thing. She will go too one day... It was my biggest fear during childhood and these days I'm obsessed with that again. I feel like I could kill myself then. It sound childish but I really feel that way. I'm even afraid. Right now at 24, I feel like she is worried about my deep attachment and problem with separation from her. I still feel like a child and she told me that too. I feel horrible. My sister is nothing like me. I just want normal relation/normal separation, I'm adult. I'm feeling I'm becoming LESS and LESS mature each day. When I was 21/22 I wasn't that childish/regressed, it only get worse now. Maybe it could be symptom, im worried, don't feel well right now. I'm depressed from my early teenage years.
 
Lavender_Rose

Lavender_Rose

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Apr 12, 2020
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Sometimes I feel overly attached to my mom. It like she my sole source of comfort and it worries me that I will be left empty and alone one day. Weirdly my mom really pushed for independence from us when I was growing up. I would say if your feeling uncomfortable and want a change slowly start doing thing to make you feel more independent. Instead of feeling your sliding backwards start tring to go forward, because you know your mom is there if you need help. You can start with small thing and slowly build up to bigger things. Like if your mom always cooks your meals, cook for yourself or for her. Little things will start to build your self confidence and make other things easier.
 
migraine

migraine

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Feb 16, 2021
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Love is. Be glad that you have someone. Life has to come to an end.. but love never dies
 
JessisMe

JessisMe

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Feb 27, 2020
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Nashua NH
I'm adult female, 24 years old. I live with my parents still til I graduate (next year ). All my life I felt like my relation to my parents (especially mother) are not so common. My mom is very great mother to me and my sister, but I have deep emotional attachment to her from childhood, like I can't" leave her alone". I sometimes regress talking to her (like a 6 year old child) I do everything that she would probably want me to do, behave the way she would like, her answers are most important to me/like truth. Every problem even small I tell her, every situation. But there is no need, she was never controlling! She is so normal mother, even never even strict! In my puberty I had episodes of physosis and she was only one there for me. I only "like" my friends/other family members, don't feel sad if they go, like here is my mom! Because all my love I give is to my mom. It's like anyone would not be important to me, like they come and go. But I forgot one thing. She will go too one day... It was my biggest fear during childhood and these days I'm obsessed with that again. I feel like I could kill myself then. It sound childish but I really feel that way. I'm even afraid. Right now at 24, I feel like she is worried about my deep attachment and problem with separation from her. I still feel like a child and she told me that too. I feel horrible. My sister is nothing like me. I just want normal relation/normal separation, I'm adult. I'm feeling I'm becoming LESS and LESS mature each day. When I was 21/22 I wasn't that childish/regressed, it only get worse now. Maybe it could be symptom, im worried, don't feel well right now. I'm depressed from my early teenage years.
I’m 44 and live with my parents and have a similar relationship with my mother. It doesn’t help that we spend sll day together and do most everything together. It’s definitely not healthy and probably I should try and change it but it feels nice for things to be this way so I don’t change. I would recommend trying to pull yourself away from your Mother, though. It’s important to be able to assume our adult responsibilities independent from our parents. The sooner we are able to accomplish this the better. Don’t turn out like me. xo, j
 
A

Alexander Ypsilantis

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It's great that you have a good relationship with your Mom, but not so good that the bond is so strong you'd feel like you stated when she passes. Most of us see our parents pass, it's just a matter of time. They have 20+ years on us and it's natural that the afflictions of old age catch up with them before most of us.

Both my parents have passed, my dad 18 years ago and my mom a few years ago. But, I had lived independently from my parents since I left the home at 22 years old and I'm 66 today. My dad had moved in with me the last year of his life when he couldn't take care of himself, I was the only one at home when he passed (he was in Hospice, we knew he was going). My parents pushed me to become independent as soon as I graduated from college, the option of staying at home with them and continuing that relationship didn't exist-I was 'pushed from the nest'. And most children are, that's the natural order of things. Your parents want you to be independent and capable of handling things by yourself and after they are gone-that's their responsibility as parents.

As someone noted, you have to take it step by step-moving out next year will be a good step. Little by little you will become more independent. It's the natural order of things and it makes it easier to confront the issues when our parents become old and health challenged. You'll make it, we all do.
 
JessisMe

JessisMe

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Joined
Feb 27, 2020
Messages
7,151
Location
Nashua NH
It's great that you have a good relationship with your Mom, but not so good that the bond is so strong you'd feel like you stated when she passes. Most of us see our parents pass, it's just a matter of time. They have 20+ years on us and it's natural that the afflictions of old age catch up with them before most of us.

Both my parents have passed, my dad 18 years ago and my mom a few years ago. But, I had lived independently from my parents since I left the home at 22 years old and I'm 66 today. My dad had moved in with me the last year of his life when he couldn't take care of himself, I was the only one at home when he passed (he was in Hospice, we knew he was going). My parents pushed me to become independent as soon as I graduated from college, the option of staying at home with them and continuing that relationship didn't exist-I was 'pushed from the nest'. And most children are, that's the natural order of things. Your parents want you to be independent and capable of handling things by yourself and after they are gone-that's their responsibility as parents.

As someone noted, you have to take it step by step-moving out next year will be a good step. Little by little you will become more independent. It's the natural order of things and it makes it easier to confront the issues when our parents become old and health challenged. You'll make it, we all do.
I didn’t make it.
 

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