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Still Not over Favourite Person

L

lookingforreasons

New member
Joined
Apr 24, 2021
Messages
2
Location
England
Hi everyone,
I met someone December 2019 and I fell very in love with them and became attached, they were (and still are) my favourite person. He cheated on me in April 2020 and I had the worst breakdown of my life. During the time we were together, he was abusive and the relationship itself was very toxic.

It has now been over a year since we last had contact and I’m still not over it, I can’t cope and I still feel the exact same as the minute he left. Does anyone have any ideas of any coping mechanisms or what to do? Help would be appreciated :)
 
Z

Zoe1

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 8, 2019
Messages
18,241
Location
Nowhere
hi and :welcome: !

considering you have had a big breakdown
I think some professional help would be needed

as you live in England you might get this free of charge
if you contact social services

or you could claim PIP which is provided towards your support needs

I hope you find the forum helpful


:grouphug:
 
Y

YellowBobby

New member
Joined
Apr 24, 2021
Messages
2
Location
United States
Hello! I'm new here and don't have the best advice. I have lost an FP, though, and it really sucks. Honestly, the only thing that helped me was the more time away from them and less time I spent thinking about them. Eventually, you adjust to not having as many highs and lows all from one person, and I think it can stabilize you and be more of a positive. I wish I could be more helpful! I just recommend giving it as much time as possible and knowing that pain is temporary no matter how awful it can be in the moment.
 
HLon99

HLon99

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 15, 2020
Messages
812
Location
London, UK
You claim that he was abusive and toxic and yet you love him? The reason why you cannot move on is because you have this emotional controdiction in you. If you really want to move on you need to settle this. Instead of feeling the need to either love or hate him, treat him in your head with total indifference. No need to forgive, but eventually you will forget.

P.S. Moving forward try not to get so attached to people so quickly. Avoid having a 'favourite person', otherwise you're just setting yourself up for dissapointment. Instead recognise both their good and bad traits objectively and according to your values, balancing your heart against your head. Its hard to judge a book by its cover so you can never really know how someone is until you've known them for a long time. 5 months is not nearly enough time. Most importantly, learn to recognise the difference love and lust; love actually takes work, on both sides.
 
Sash1

Sash1

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 17, 2020
Messages
254
Location
Uk
I came out of a very abusive relationship 2 years ago, physical and mental torture from that man..

It broke my heart when I knew I had no option to finally leave, as I didn't have the " it's over, he's horrible, so I can turn off any love I ever had for him" button..

Even though you know, what you go through is toxic, hurtful, demeaning etc, etc, your mind tortures you with all the good times you had thoughts, the, if only he had been different, if only I could of changed him, was it that bad really, did he just need help.......................Bottom line, NO to all those questions..

I missed him so much, I cried hoping he was ok........Then, I started to think about ME........

I didn't deserve that, he just needed a physical/emotional punch bag, someone to take his 'bad day/bad mood out on, someone he could control and manipulate, belittle and finally own..

Think about you now, feel sorry for the next partner he has who he will treat the same way, thank your lucky stars you escaped, and think about how a partner should treat you, with the love and respect you deserve..

Believe me, you will get over him.......but you have to give yourself that push.........you can do it..
 
2

2Much2Feel

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 24, 2021
Messages
719
Location
US
You claim that he was abusive and toxic and yet you love him? The reason why you cannot move on is because you have this emotional controdiction in you. If you really want to move on you need to settle this. Instead of feeling the need to either love or hate him, treat him in your head with total indifference. No need to forgive, but eventually you will forget.

P.S. Moving forward try not to get so attached to people so quickly. Avoid having a 'favourite person', otherwise you're just setting yourself up for dissapointment. Instead recognise both their good and bad traits objectively and according to your values, balancing your heart against your head. Its hard to judge a book by its cover so you can never really know how someone is until you've known them for a long time. 5 months is not nearly enough time. Most importantly, learn to recognise the difference love and lust; love actually takes work, on both sides.
You always give damn good advice, HL...
 
2

2Much2Feel

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 24, 2021
Messages
719
Location
US
And another thing, every single time I've thought I'm never going to meet someone as amazing as x or y, never going to feel this way, I do. Time. It's the main thing that helps.
 
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